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140,914 Literary Works • 673,732 Reviews
Really good! i love it! you have some good writing skills Devan. Its really descriptive and some good vocabulary. I wish I had your descriptiveness and vocab so that my stories would be greater. I found out when you click My YWS, at the bottom there's a word of the week. I would suggest you try to incorporate that word a few times. I would also suggest using a thesaurus more so that you can get more "fancy" words to make you seem more intelligent. Hope this helped!
~Arah~
I have never heard such details, it really grabbed my attention from the beginning.
I like how you described the main character and his situation enough for the reader to want more.
It would be nice if you could have told us where he actually is at that certain time, because, even though you explained it, you gave no real idea of where he is except for a big city
Hey!
I really enjoyed reading this piece. I'm interested to know who they are running from. I really enjoyed how you described everything well and in detail! My favorite line is:
I really liked this line because it describes the leaves perfectly and it paints a really good picture when I read it! I’m also interested to know how she died? I know, being a writer myself, I tend to leave little mysteries when I first write something and I get frustrated when people ask questions that I will explain later. I hope you continue with this piece because Ii would LOVE to read more!
Cook