Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Short Story » Health


He tells me stories

by DevanEWilliams

Warning: this may be triggering to those suffering from an eating disorder.

Note: in therapy, it is common to refer to our eating disorders as ED.

Ed has one goal. 

He wants me to fall asleep.

It's not easy, so he's done lots of things to try and make it happen.

The first thing he did was read me stories. He read them to me over and over. Each was slightly different but they all blurred together and echoed in my head.

Some had happy endings. The skinny girl got the happy endings. And that was important. Nothing else really mattered about her, like what she did or what she right about herself. The skinny girl was happy in the end. 

Some stories weren't so happy. Those stories were about me or about people like me. These stories always had morals and lessons in the end. Things like "you're not good enough" and "you won't be happy if you look like that and you'll only be happy if you work harder." He's so good to me like that, making sure that I learn.

Just as a child being put to bed, the stories made me sleepy. I stopped wanting to fight this thing that I couldn't control, the overwhelming desire to sleep. Even still, I wasn't quite ready to give up. I kept wanting to get out of bed. So Ed did his best to step in, and he told me about all the monsters under the bed and in the dark. After that, all I wanted to do was hide. I didn't want to move. 

I've been here ever since. The more I try to get up, the more tired I become. I think he's going to come back soon and check on me. I don't think he's going to give up until I'm asleep.

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

Is this a review?



User avatar
7 Reviews

Points: 278
Reviews: 7

Mon May 16, 2016 3:57 pm
viclemore wrote a review...

Hey, this is Viclemore with a short review!

You've been able to express eating disorders in a powerful way. As someone who have never suffered from the disease, I can still understand and relate to this piece. There're some grammar mistakes present, which you should really consider working on. I'm not going in depth on that as my fellow reviewers did that for me.

It's a great work with a lot of feelings, please keep up the good work! Keep writing, use it in hard times.

User avatar
38 Reviews

Points: 194
Reviews: 38

Sat Apr 11, 2015 4:13 pm
Ashkitten83 wrote a review...

Hello! Ashkitten here for a review.

I love and adore the idea. The personification of an eating disorder in this way is so horrific, and yet makes such a great and interesting read. I am here to help you improve this piece in the grammatical sense but everything else is purely amazing.

Some had happy endings.

It would read better if it said

Some of the stories had happy endings.

The skinny girl got the happy endings. And that was important.

Put a comma after endings instead of a period and lowercase "And" making the two into 1 complete sentence.

Nothing else really mattered about her, like what she did or what she right about herself.

Put a comma after did. I'm assuming the word "right" is A typo in the sentence and you meant to put thought... So it would read

Nothing else really mattered about her, like what she did, or what she thought about herself.

Things like "you're not good enough" and "you won't be happy if you look like that and you'll only be happy if you work harder."

you're should be capitalized because it's the beginning of a quoted sentence. It also needs a period before the closed quotation marks. Same with the next quoted sentence, You needs to be capitalized. A period after "that" and closed quotation marks. Capitalize You'll with open quotation marks before You'll. So it reads

Things like, "You're not good enough." and "You won't be happy." and You will only be happy if you work harder."

Other than that this was a fantastic read and I look forward to reading more of your writing.

User avatar

Points: 638
Reviews: 1

Wed Apr 08, 2015 11:24 pm

This is great ! It shows everyone just what these issues are like, bringing the phantom to life, so to speak. Amazingly well done ^-^

User avatar

Points: 278
Reviews: 1

Wed Apr 08, 2015 5:11 pm
Jerrell47 wrote a review...

Frist let me say this is good really good but it sends the wrong message and i say this because i'm a skinny person i might not be a girl but I am skinny we may not have some of the problems that you may have but we get bullyed and all of that we have the worst things said about us .How ever i did like the part (quote) "if you look like that you'll only be happy if you work harder" i like this part it speaks to me

This is a story of what my illness does to me. It's kind of expected that it's sending the wrong message. Hence the trigger warning at the beginning. Thanks for the input.

Jerrell47 says...

sure cause be skinny is no bed of roses

User avatar
25 Reviews

Points: 1122
Reviews: 25

Wed Apr 08, 2015 1:59 am
Gringoamericano wrote a review...

Really like the picture you painted here. It really does its best to show someone who's really gone far off the deep end with their self-image problems. Might I even say that it touches upon shades of depression?

My only problem is (other than major gramatical errors such as "like what she did or what she right about herself") is that you did not have to point out the fact that ED stands for Eating Disorder. I feel that it sucks out any subtlety within the story.

The original writing of this was intended for an audience that already understood the subject and what it was really saying, so I felt that subtlety would not be appropriate. Also i find that certain amounts of flexibility with grammar can be very useful ;)Thanks for the review!

User avatar
139 Reviews

Points: 5205
Reviews: 139

Tue Apr 07, 2015 11:57 pm
Biluata wrote a review...

Oh my gosh, I think I'm gonna have to be the feels reviewer, because there are to many feels!! (waves hands in the air while running, sobbing in circles from the influx of feels.) I'm just, I'm not even going to try. You described everything perfectly and everything was just oozing with feels, and i think I'm gonna go sob in the corner after I finish congratulating you on such an amazing piece. I blame you that I can hardly see my screen right now. Kudos!


If it looks like a duck, and it quacks like a duck…you should not be so quick to jump to conclusions.
— Cecil Gershwin Palmer