I've been working on it my whole life
Trying to figure it out,
Trying to put all the pieces together.
~
But I never can.
When I think I've figured it out, new instructions fall into my lap,
When I think I've put it all together
I find the pieces that went under the couch.
~
Some people can put together all the pieces,
They enjoy the challenge.
Who knows?
Maybe to them, it's not a challenge.
~
I'm not one of those people,
Sometimes I feel like leaving the puzzle half-finished,
That's it's just too hard for me,
but somehow I always end up working on it again.
~
There are pieces I've put together over the years,
Instructions I've understood,
But that doesn't matter.
Not when there are still pieces in the box.
~
I'll always end up taking it out again,
No matter where I put it
I end up taking off the lid,
Sitting down and trying to put it all together.
~
I'm always working on it,
Always confused by it,
The social puzzle of life.
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140,778 Literary Works • 673,688 Reviews
Hi there!
A puzzle is certainly a great starting point for a poetic metaphor of life. And you really are able to explore quite a few of the metaphorical connections adding some depth to this single concept.
My main critique is make the connection to real life a bit more concrete. What is the spoo eaker specifically having trouble piecing together in their life. Being more specific and concrete will help the poem have a more "real world" impact and help it to connect with readers.
Other than that, I would suggest a bit more consistency with line length to aid in flow.
My favorite person was how new instructions fall to the speaker - I can just feel the frustration and helplessness of that bit. And also i like that you picked one theme and ran with it - this made your poem easy to follow and cohesive rather than having a bunch of loosely connected images.
Well done!
- alliyah
Thank!
You're welcome!
Hello! I liked your use of extended metaphor and how each stanza revealed a new aspect of the theme. You've developed your subject matter well, especially with how you made comparisons to the experiences of others' instead of just talking about your own experience - I thought this really added to the perspective.
However, I feel that some lines are a bit redundant, for instance, the general idea of always returning to the puzzle is repeated three times (in stanzas 4,6 and 7), which seems like a bit much to me. Furthermore, the last stanza (which I consider the most important because it's the one that readers most often remember) I think could use some more subtlety. The whole puzzle metaphor already expresses the "confusion", and I personally figured out that the puzzle represents "life" by stanza 3. I'd suggest trying to conclude the little story in your poem here instead. What is the message you want your readers to take away? What do you want them to remember? Writing something like:
"I'll always be working on it,
though I may never understand it,
until the day I die."
could confirm the meaning of the "puzzle" for readers who've already guessed in a less direct fashion and also conclude the "character arc" by saying what the person is going to do in the future (that is, in this case, continue putting their social life together).
Overall, though, I thought this was quite brilliant. These are just a couple small bumps I noticed, as well as some ideas I thought up. I particularly liked stanza 5, as I can relate to how the need for perfection in something blinds you to what you've already done and achieved (because there are still "pieces in the box").
Hope this helps, and keep writing!
Thanks!
This poem is really deep and it makes you think and I really like that about it. The writing is honestly amazing. I love the line;
"When I think I've put it all together
I find the pieces that went under the couch."
It feels really real and I love the whole comparison of life to a puzzle. There's not a lot to critique you on honestly I read this and was amazed. I also loved the line;
"Some people can put together all the pieces,
They enjoy the challenge."
Seriously amazing shit, keep it up.
Thanks!
Hey! I'm RowenaLynn and I'm going to try to make a review out of this...
OK! so, I loved the last stanza so much.
"I'm always working on it,
Always confused by it,
The social puzzle of life."
It is very relatable and I enjoyed it.
Also, the part where it says "Maybe to them, it's not a challenge."
is awesome.
I feel like it is hard to review poetry, because art is subjective. (Stories are easier, even if they are still a form of art. It's easier to pick out things and grammatical errors that way.) But as far as I can tell, there really isn't much that I can say that needs to be fixed. Maybe use a thesaurus and try to vary some of your words - I find that really helpful to my work and it doesn't even have to take that long.
One thing that could be a little better is some transition or better breaking between these stanzas...
"But I never can.
When I think I've figured it out, new instructions fall into my lap,
When I think I've put it all together
I find the pieces that went under the couch.
~
Some people can put together all the pieces,
They enjoy the challenge.
Who knows?
Maybe to them, it's not a challenge"
Just maybe a little rewording in either the last line of the top stanza or the top of the bottom stanza... Honestly looking at it now its not that big of a deal, just a little bit of a personal preference.
Well... Great job! I really connected to this piece... Thank you!
Thank you!