Ch-3: Dick's Class

Hey, it's Serrurie, here to leave a review! Let's dive in:

The Good Stuff
- You know those TV shows like 'The Great British Baking Show' or 'Peter Rabbit' where they just have that really cool-sounding narrator who popped out of a fairytale? That's what your stories remind me of. The narration is beautiful, cozy, and it has a good vocabulary too.
- I love the banter between Dick and his classmates. It's hilarious.
- This is definitely giving Halloween and spooky, in a good way. I wonder if the trip they're going on is related to all of this Midnight Feast stuff (wait, I just read further- I'm writing this review as I read ._.)
- I think Dick's personality becomes much stronger in this chapter (he not only teases his sister but is a pretty helpful classmate)


Room For Improvement
- You've gotten much better about indenting your speech when someone else starts to talk! But some of your transitions make your writing a bit more difficult to read once someone has FINISHED speaking. Example:

"Don't mention around me what, Jeremy Johnson? Get down from that bench Jerry, this is no way to behave, shouting at the top of your voice like that." so entered Mr. Talons.

You ended the speech in a period, which is perfectly fine IF you're not going to use a transition. If you're using a transition, you end in a comma since you're simply continuing the sentence outside of the quotation marks. I also noticed that you attempted to use a conjunction by putting the word 'so' as a transition. This word isn't needed since you have an independent clause and then a dependent clause (meaning the transition can't be a sentence on its own).

I noticed a few times when you forgot to add a comma, period, or anything entirely, so just make sure to add those (I only noticed this twice):

"I hope it's a nice one" chimed in Harry.

"But don't let's mention anything of the sort around Mr. Talons"

Overall Opinion
- This was a great addition to this story! We learn more about Dick, his class, and I'm looking forward to reading chapter 4! Have fun, and keep writing!

Have a blessed day!

Serrurie

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression

Well looks like the plans are a bit more complicated and chaotic in this class but unfortunately those plans may have some trouble actually taking place. Quite the mix of excitement in the end from both classes.

Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;

Ah....where were we? That's right! Dick's class. It was an even more hyper story in his classroom. Every single student was coming and not a single mouth was to be found shut in such an atmosphere. Plans and ideas were surging into them.

"How about eerie green lights in rooms to frighten everyone? A nice colour to make the place feel haunted!" asked Jeremy Johnson, Jenny's brother.

"It is a good idea Jerry, I was quite thinking of it myself too. But I think we'll need a bit more to go with it." said Mark Yearwood.

"How about some creepy shadows, wicked laughs, and looking like we've just been chased by a ghost?" asked Harry Gannon.

Well looks like they have a slightly different flavor of plans cooking up amongst them there although it does seem to be just as fun. Definitely going to make for a really exciting trip that much is certain.

"I must say, that does sound like something we ought to do this time. Remember the time when we went to Dorset? We dressed up as mummies and ghosts. It was such a good idea to scare the teachers at night, but ol' Harry forgot to cover his face to 'actually' look like a mummy." said Mark.

"Oh, come on! It wasn't really a flop! I mean, we did scare some of the younger boys and girls we met on the way, didn't we?" Harry hoped they didn't think it was spoilt all because of him.

"No worries, we've got this year, we can try again." said Dick."I can do the acting bit, if you like. You guys can do the rest. Hey, I was thinking...... no, I don't think it's too good an idea."

Oooh well looks like things went a little wrong the last time they attempted that style of plan although it looks like this time they're only going to learn and improve from it.

"Well, what Is it? I'm sure it must be a fine idea, let's hear it." said an eager Ernie Maximus.

"Um, well, I was thinking we could do..... a midnight feast?"

"Of course! A midnight feast! Whatever did you think it was a pathetic idea for?" exclaimed Jerry.

" When did I call my idea pathetic?"asked Dick.

"Well, whatever you called it, it was a good idea. Listen up everyone! Dick's got a brilliant idea of a Midnight feast for when we're at Cardiff. Everyone must be sure to bring something to eat." announced Jerry, in as loud a voice he could summon, so everyone could hear, or something. "But don't let's mention anything of the sort around Mr. Talons"

Oooh midnight feasting is definitely an excellent idea and quite smart there to make sure the teacher doesn't find out. Neither of those ideas seem like they would end up being approved there from the sound of them.

"Don't mention around me what, Jeremy Johnson? Get down from that bench Jerry, this is no way to behave, shouting at the top of your voice like that." so entered Mr. Talons. Jerry went red and sat down. "Take your seats everyone! If it's the trip that's turned you into such loudspeakers, then I've good mind to have your trip cancelled." Well, this threat was enough to silence the whole room. It'd be such a blow if they couldn't go, while everyone else could.

"Now, open your notebooks, we're going to have a dictation."

"We were going to have a dictation?" whispered Harry from behind Dick. Mr. Talons heard it, and before Dick could say anything, Mr. Talons said, "Yes, Mr. Gannon. I hope you've prepared well for it. Or had you forgotten?"

Well looks like Mr. Talons is definitely not the kind of teacher that ends up super well liked there, either that or having everyone quite loudly disturbing the class really sent him off an edge there.

"Oh no, sir. I just didn't remember you were taking it today. Sorry." said a startled and panicking Harry.

After the dictation, books were piled on to the desk and here too, the invitation to the teacher's office was delivered.

" You've a free period after this, yes, Mr. Gordon's on leave. So after ten minutes I want to see you all in my office with your forms. I hope you've remembered yours Mr. Gannon, or it'd be such a shame to leave you out on what is going to be such a sensational tour." said Mr. Talons and left.

"You're in trouble, Harry!" grinned Mark. "You haven't really forgotten it, have you?"

Well looks like things are heating up just a touch there in terms of the forms and the trip going through. A few little wrenches being thrown into the mix, let's hope it all works out.

"Of course I haven't" replied Harry indignantly "and I don't know about you but I'm off to the office."and he stalked to the door.

"Cheer up, Harry! He's just teasing you, you know what Mark's like. Come on, I'll come with you." said Dick, coming beside him.

They walked to the office and the others followed. In a minute, the slips and notices were handed out out, and Mr. Talons gave them a few instructions.

"Every rule should be followed properly, is that understood boys? You will be kept under strict supervision so you won't do anything silly. You will not wander off alone without informing us, and you will only go anywhere in groups or pairs, whichever convenient. Don't look so low, you will be allowed to do as you please at the inn." said Mr. Talons.

Well looks like either last years shenanigans or things in general have left the rules being a little stricter or maybe this is how strict it always is, I am not sure but either way a slightly disappointing moment again.

The boys were a bit disappointed that they wouldn't be getting the freedom they got last year, but they cheered up with thought of being able to do anything at the inn, at least.

"Wonder what the inn's like." said Dick, walking back.

"I hope it's a nice one" chimed in Harry.

"Well. I wouldn't like it if if there wasn't even room to jump in it." said Mark.

"Don't be so silly Mark. There are so many students coming. They'd have naturally opted to book a large one." Said Jerry.

Well looks like it was a disappointing tightening of the rules after all but they seem fairly optimistic about at least taking advantage of the inn there. Things aren't completely ruined after all.

"Just relax everyone. Everything will be fine." said Ernie.

"Well, I reckon no one's told you to relax yet!" said a grinning boy, leaning his back on the wall.

"Who's that?" Asked Ernie.

"Jake Andrews, from the 8th form. He's got a point you know. You're shaking head to toe!" said Dick.

"Well, it doesn't matter if I'm shaking or not, we're going to have fun! And that's what matters."

Well looks like we've got literal shaking excitement going on there or maybe even something else. Its a little bit suspicious there for me at least. We'll see what happens next.

Aaand that's it for this oneee!!!

Overall

Overall I think a wonderful little addition here showing how different those plans happen to be and the general attitude of all the people there. I think that's setting itself up nicely for the chapters to come!

As always remember to: Take what you think was helpful and forget the rest!

Stay Safe and Have a Nice Day!
Kate