I wanted to train for teacher. Maybe if I kept training, she would come back... Maybe I wouldn't be so alone anymore. I trained still, but I added other important things besides just shapeshifting. I trained in melee-swordsmanship and stealth, precision, aerial maneuvering, mind strength. All of this is for naught if I have no enemies to test myself on, however. Soon came my first test.
I squirmed in my sleep-something felt wrong, I could feel it. I was being searched for, and I would be found. I woke up worried and trembling. My dream had turned pitch black in the end, as if I was no longer there. Something else became me...
I changed to my biggest form and most suitable for this territory-a male polar bear. I was ready for anything to come in my disguise.
~Flashback~
Let us see if they be friend or foe. Four shadows slide slowly onto my icy floor because of the whirling blizzard outside my cave. Obviously human in shape, their dark grey shadows near me. I have to convince them of being a true polar bear and to warn them not to come any closer. I growl a guttural threat that helped them believe both of these conveyed ideas. They were intruders upon my territory and unwanted guests, and were sadly mistaken if they expected entertainment. They approached cautiously, stopping with a wide berth between my deadly claws and themselves. The sun is in the perfect predatory position for me so that I see my prey, but they do not see me.
They wear expensive looking equipment: cameras, rifles, and backpacks, along with white suits of polar bear pelts lining their necks and hoods. These humans have distinct bearings-they are without a doubt explorers and rangers on an expedition. A aged, masculine voice grizzly-harsh from the howling blizzards-spoke first.
"Hey Boss, this guy isn't tagged. Did we miss one? A male, too, by the looks of it."
"I don't remember forgetting any. We've checked this cave before haven't we? It was empty every time," another voice chimed in.
"Roger?" the first voice questioned to a third man.
"This polar bear is a threat to our plan. I believe he must be euthanized, boys," the apparent boss of the group voiced. He nodded his head once. The last member of their party nodded in acknowledgment and raised his rifle to his shoulder. They believe I am defenseless. Time to talk, then.
"Now that just won't do." My voice was deep and strong. I love it. I wait for the effect to sink in. I could smell fear in the air.. These strong emotions are welling up inside me, but.. I feel they are not my own.. I will bargain with them. I expect they will comply, it makes no sense for them not to. Dead or alive, I am back to get my revenge. What?? Oh! My shapeshifting, that's right.. Teacher told me..
"You are taking on their forms and their past emotions and ideas.. You are essentially becoming them.." So that's why.. I get it now. Also, because I'm not that strong yet, my forms don't always obey my wishes.
I will continue with my plan. My voice took on a hint of annoyance with the humans. "I sure hope you don't plan on using that gun..?" I suggested menacingly. "You don't want to kill me. Well, not again. I am a valuable ally, or a powerful opponent. Though, I don't foresee me becoming an enemy. Hm, but first you should tell me of this 'plan' of yours. I assume it has to do with killing polar bears?" Their silence was startling. I did not expect them to become enemies so quickly.
"You have me at a disadvantage; I'm sure you know my name, but I don't know yours?" He formed the end of his statement into a question, implying that he wanted me to give him my name. I don't believe he is worthy of it. I don't want undetermined friends or foes to know my name or the name of my form for that matter.
"I'm afraid I don't want to share that information with people I've just barely met. Now, what is this plan, exactly?"
"Tsk, Tsk. Those are just not proper manners, young.. thing. You are annoying in assuming that things will go your way. Your tone of voice is just--" I jump five feet from where I lurked ready to strike and pinned Roger down with one paw, my sheer amount of weight knocking down the others. I growl in his face and his body trembles. He was afraid because I am his worst nightmare-someone that fights back and will not be easy prey to a coward.
"You are the one intruding upon my territory. You--"
"Oh!" He managed while bearing my weight around his neck. He croaks out a comeback, "How.. dare you! I.. have seen.. you before.."
"Really? How interesting. Unfortunately, you are thinking of someone else." He paused in shock. He seemed to stop breathing for a moment and breathes,
"Someone?" Oops. Oh well, it can't be helped now. I'll have to do something about them now, they know too much. Maybe I will... AGH!! A bullet lands in my shoulder. I roar with fear and fury.
"How dare you!! AGH!" The pain is a searing heat, much like putting one's hand on a freshly warm stove. It made me furious, or more like, the bear whose form I have taken. I also felt a new sense.. like a form was trying to come on, but it just wasn't quite.. it was resembling me, but it was.. soulless...
~The Present~
I flew in my eagle form, towards my destination of war. The eagle was easy to manage and didn't exhaust me too much. Something was off though; I felt off, like I couldn't remember the day before. I remember teacher but once she left, everything after that got blurry. Something was keeping me from remembering it...
~Titanic's Time of Growth~
The young girl may not remember much, but I've watched it all. How you ask? Well, what else are you supposed to do when you're bored and you can't move? Enough of that, focus on Titanic now.~Teacher
I roar deafeningly. My head has barely an inch of space from the ceiling. I look down at the four scrawny little beings. I speak words for the first time.
"You are all.. very small. Yet you.. anger me so much. You threaten my master. You--" Two resonating booms sound from the cave. Yet, no searing pain this time. The bullets deflect off of my impenetrable titanium hide."Haha! You make me laugh, humans. Unfortunately for you, that will not save you from my wrath. Goodbye, humans." With these words, I spear the men's bodies with my sharp claws and drop them off at the side wall of my cave. Apparently, my claws are slippery, because the former men's bodies are thrown violently at the walls. I look at my claws; they are no longer shining silver but shining crimson. Blood? Their equipment is also disregarded, laying where their humans once were. The rifles, however, were missing. This is curious, because the men must have picked them up and tried to find me. I scan the floor and find metal shards and casings littering the floor, with unused bullets dumped randomly at their sides. I wonder if the rifles were caught in my attack? That gives me.. pleasure. Yes, that is the word.
My thoughts are fleeting, because, after all-I have no soul. I serve my master. A human.. girl I believe. A golden-haired, feisty young human. I protect her, and having her hurt by that bullet makes me feel many emotions that I have not felt before. Such as; loyalty to my master, anger towards the trespassers, and fear of what humanity as a whole acts like.
I walk out of my cave and step onto the solid ice, the blizzard somewhat sedated for the moment. The fresh cold brought me out of my thought process and brought a new process to mind. These humans, where did they come from? Did another human send them? I think this because of all the humans I remember seeing in New York city. Surely there are more humans here? My master seems to think so. She is in pain, I can tell. She also wants revenge on the human who ordered the polar bear's extermination. I will act out revenge for her. I can't put a bullet in their leader's shoulder, but I can find another way.
I spread my wings, feeling them stretch after not being used for so long. I flap once, feeling the wind gush underneath them. I then flapped them several times to take off, and accelerated into the clear blue sky above the thick grey clouds. A boom resounded, seemingly a mile away from where I was. I went to check it out, for it seems I have another feeling now.. curiosity.
I swooped down a mile later from inside the clouds, camouflaging and tried to understand the scene below me. A man, dressed like the group I had disposed of earlier, was dragging a polar bear carcass behind him. I could see that the bear was female, and that puzzled me because the humans before had talked about male polar bears, not females. The human shows no care for the carcass; blood continuously spills from the body. The stretcher doesn't cover the whole body so the blood is loosely streaming behind the body leaving a bloody trail like that of a wedding train.
The human moved slowly on his snowmobile, for I could tell the weight of the polar bear was hard for him to carry. Two hours later the human had carried the body to a dump-like place. Many other humans had obviously come here and dropped off their carelessly dragged carcasses to this place. It was empty except for the humans and dead bears. Just an expanse of ice until you came upon the building a few yards away. I flapped my wings silently, stealthily.. and flew towards the ominous building that reeked of fear and Death..
My dream turned black and a sinister male voice spoke dragging every word, "Yes.. the ultimate taboo, never achieved.. -most immortality.."
End of chapter
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Hey, Cynder! Back again
So, to start it off, we're straight up told every little thing that this MC is training in, but not necessarily why or why we should care. What importance does it serve to us to know this? Sometimes extra detail is good, but there are points when the details are unnecessary and draw attention away from what needs it more.
One thing that I felt like throughout this is this narrator seems a little too omniscient in the beginning. She talks about feeling like something so very wrong was about to happen, but how does she know. Isn't she sleeping? That part confused so much, and then when it suddenly launched into the flashback, I was extremely bewildered. Perhaps work on having that flow a little smoother and make more sense? >.<
When the MC first speaks and starts thinking thought not their own, it became rather scattered and confusing for me. It talked about something with thoughts not his own (and by now you're successfully confused me with their gender xD) but then switched to not wanting revenge and shape shifting? And don't you use the excuse it will be explained later, but it doesn't make sense. Make sure the train of thought is logical and goes in one way so it's easy to follow. At that point, I don't even know what you were trying to say.
Then men at a disadvantage? The transition to that line a few paragraphs afterwards seemed awkward, because I had still assumed the men were silent, because the line just said something about them all being quiet. Maybe add a dialogue tag before to indicate it is the man talking instead of the polar bear. (And how are the men not screaming in fear about a talking polar bear? >.< I don't think that's normal.)
OH. OH OH. Is the tower someone completely different than this shapeshifter that we've been seeing about?? This is so cool! It's all starting to make sense now, well much more anyways. The teacher is still the teacher. But she's also the one running the show, and I love how it starts to make so much sense now. I'm not reading all in the dark and seeing how these lives are connected with one another and not all in the same thing.
However, I will warn you of this: be very careful of perspective changes in first person. Because there is no name necessarily said in narration when perspective switches (unlike in third person), there has to be some other tip off when things happen. And I sort of see that with the extra "~...~" parts and how they differ from the shape shifter. Very cool! Just watch out and insure it makes sense.
And that ending! Ahhh >.< Now I cannot not read on. (I'm going to be so sad when I have to wait for the next part...)
Ah well, Keep on Writing,
~Wolfare~
You finished it! You need to tell meeee!
So, wow. You have quite the story, my friend!
Instead of hyphens, m-dashes (—) should be used here. If you don't feel like typing on Word or copying an m-dash/em-dash from a website (since those are the only ways you can use a real m-dash), you can still use a hyphen like you did here. But you must have spaces on either side of it.
The only thing that is objectionable in this piece is that it's kind of confusing. The world of this book you have created is so new and different, as is your style. The breaks of the "flashback" and "present," for example, left me quite confused. Our main character is a polar bear, then there is something about a dog in Los Angeles, and then we're back in the Arctic and the MC is a dragon. Your writing is just excellent, though, and even though some of it doesn't make sense, you'll probably explain it all sometime soon. You just might want to smooth out the edges here, particularly with the part about the dog in Los Angeles. Because that made me completely lost.
Anyway, you know how in the last chapter you did that cool thing with the first few words in the chapter? You need to do that with all of your chapters to keep it consistent!
This relationship between the MC and her "master" is very interesting. Your MC is as dynamic a character as they come, for the female teacher in New York City is very different than the male polar bear/dragon in the Arctic! I think that's really cool, but remember to make it a tiny bit more realistic by having your MC think about their old days as a human. It seems like she is completely brainwashed by this "master" and has no desire to return to her family or friends or students in New York City. But I don't really blame her. Being a shape-shifting creature in the Arctic is pretty cool!
Your writing style makes this whole novel so wonderfully unique. You write as if you are truly telling us a story in person, and reading it flows beautifully.
With that, I end my review! This will be fun to discuss after school.
Hi cinder!!! I haven't read before this yet, so if I get something wrong I apologize if you explained this before. But after reading this I need to go back

I have no cons your work is amazing and fast pace. I liked how you started the chapter at first I thought the story was about a polar bear that got caught by poachers I was excited when it turned out he was a shape shifter.
I do have some question though, why doesn't he have a soul? or why dose he have a master?
Other than that I liked your word choice and how to describe the scene and example of that would be one of my favorite lines
"These strong emotions are welling up inside me, but.. I feel they are not my own.. I will bargain with them. I expect they will comply, it makes no sense for them not to. Dead or alive, I am back to get my revenge. What?? Oh! My shapeshifting, that's right.. Teacher told me.."
I liked this because it shows your character isn't all powerful with no weakness, making him a perfect. I also liked how you gave the reader a look inside the boy. like how he was taught how to shapeshift by an adult, sorta like a village sense.
Can't wait to read more keep writing.
Thanks, Nightshade21
Ill explain Titanic later, don't worry.