Chapter 1
PROLOGUE
The squadron of four looked down into the city. All of them had military training, of course, but nothing prepared them for this.
They saw a giant, sparkling tower where none was ever built. Throughout the public, news had been spread that a miracle had occurred, and so most of the citizens just presumed the city’s government was giving its citizens a gift. Meanwhile, the military was fretting over the matter. This tower looked so perfect, so beautiful, graceful.. magnificent. None of the buildings around it could compare. Even though their height might be a seemingly great advantage, it was overshadowed by the glory this tower possessed. The other buildings and skyscrapers were dull, slightly misshapen, and ordinary. This tower was not; this tower was perfect in all respects.
That’s what scared the military; they didn't know how this phenomenon could have occurred, how something could be so perfect. Nothing man-made could come out looking like that. What scared them more was that their top scientists, and those top in the world, could not decipher what the tower was made of. No element combinations existed that could form this shiny silver, perfect mercury color. Beyond baffled, a particular squadron was standing, watching over the city for anything suspicious concerning the tower.
Many men called the tower a bad omen, and these men were no exception. Crusaders was the name, leaders they were, stood baffled in awe. After the gory battles and wars of the past, to see something such as this, was rather amazing. There were four in this squad: General Shioko, Colonel Adams, Major Rodney, and Marshall John.
Starting with their leader, General Shioko: a tall, boney man, but toned as well, he was one to be respected. He was of Asian ancestry, but he was so respected no one dared ask him any specifics. If you were his friend, he’d give you the most dazzling smile, so much so that you would just have to return the gesture-curt nod or otherwise. However, were you his enemy, he gave you another extravagant smile, but this time, you could see the mask hiding a boiling hatred behind it. He was dangerous but respectable, friendly but serious. Every man in the military knew not to mess with this man.
Next in line is Colonel Adams, ancestry unknown, perhaps he himself did not even know. The military never released much information to other recruits about him; he was considered an outsider amongst the men. Blonde hair covered his hard forehead. Bangs could barely be seen, for the military hair-cut kept them hidden. Sparkling blue eyes, slightly icy, showed a sort of pain-like expression. His temples gave him a slightly eerie look. He acted as every good soldier should, and was respected but not admired.
Last, comes Major Rodney and Marshall John, both similar in many respects, but a few personality differences. Major Rodney always was competitive and riled up the men, supported good morale. He wanted to keep rising in rank, though he knew Gen. Shioko would not be easily surpassed. Both Rodney and John were of American backgrounds, one Virginian and one Pennsylvanian. Marshal John, short for Johnson, was more meaty than Rodney… perhaps that is unkind. That is how the military gossips of him though.
Oh well, anyway, John had a history of law. He never really wanted to join in the battles; he preferred to stay with the law. His great, great… long ago grandfather had been a marshal in cowboy times, in a dusty city. For how many times he told his.. great, and so on, grandfather, and because of his background.. the men nicknamed him “Marshall” John. There was only one other difference: the eye color. Both of these men had dark black hair and stalky features, but Rodney had blue eyes and Marshall had brown eyes. These formidable men were not meager, for they had seen many a grizzly battles. In contrast to the tower’s bright and awing glory, they were not so impressive.
In the present, they stood upon the hill. Well, their present.. I’ll explain later. As the four stood there, Marshall asked Gen. Shioko, “I don’t see how the government could provide something such as this, sir. This.. just can not be possible.”
"I know,” The general replied. “I’ve got a bad feeling about this..”
“You’ve bin sayin’ that all week, general,” Rodney commented.
“ Yes, yes I have. I’m worried.. I didn’t want to tell the other men, but..” He trailed off.
"What?” All the men chorused.
“... We might not survive this.” The general slowly stated.
There was a silence among the men. They knew his warnings were always true, and in the end he turned out to be right.
Meanwhile, as they watched over the city, the people down below were going through their normal lives. Only, the construction workers were not. So, that wouldn’t be everyone, but the public had no idea of the government’s intentions. The city’s government, of “the big city” didn’t want something like this ruining their reputation because someone would eventually find out that they hadn’t put the tower there. So, everyone in the “unknown to the public,” or “classified” section, agrees that the tower must be taken down. First, they started by testing the resiliency of the metal the tower was made out of. Nothing so much as made a scratch. Diamond cutters, a no-go, even a wrecking ball. A super-sized wrecking ball was ordered, then put to the test. Nothing happened, until 24 hours later. The day that marks the end of a year..
It was a fine day, though the wind was a little cooler. However,the school teacher paid it no mind. She was happy, for tomorrow was going to be a new year! Everyone was riled up in town, invites going back and forth like spam, from high society to low. It was going to be a new century, and no one was going to miss the transition from the 2000’s to the 3000’s. As she sat in her small apartment, looking out her window on the 3rd floor, she saw many bustling through the streets with bundles of gifts, their children's faces seemingly, brilliantly, shining with glee. She stared at the children's faces, recollecting her fondest moments of being a teacher this year. One such memory stood out most imposingly: that of her telling her made up story during school hours to pass the time. That’s when the tower caught her eye, as she hadn't noticed anything strange before but.. now it seems as if the tower was.. staring at her? Something happened.. and she blacked out.
~Chapter 1~
It was sometime later, and the window was gone.. I’m not in bed.. I’m not even in my room.. My house.. Where am i? I thought. That’s when I looked down. The construction workers were all around down.. way down below me... What am I doing here? This.. is the tower isn't it? Then it clicked; I had told the story so many times, and now it was coming to life.
I stared at my reflection through a skyscraper, and whatever I saw gleamed at me very brightly. I turned away, shading my eyes. However, I was avoiding the inevitable. I knew that I had to see myself now.. so I slowly faced my reflection once more. Cramped together in a tower form, was a silver dragon, luminescent almost, the way my body gleamed. A tail was tightly curled around the base of my feet.. With claws?... four huge legs, a fat.. No, toned muscle, like lean.. stomach lined with a protective layer of… Scales… and then I looked at my face. Green eyes, in sockets deep, like that of a lizards, and a snout, pointy and serpent-like. Ouch!! Something hit me, and I wasn’t about to stay there and find out if the pain would come back. It was then that I tried to move.
An earthquake erupted into New York, thankfully, there were new developments that saved buildings, so they just rocked. The rocking was more prevalent than usual and so the citizens wondered what was happening. Then the news flashed, “Tower in New York awakens,” with “A huge earthquake, safety measures in place,” and lastly, “Did the government set us up?” All of these things, sent rapidly through all news carriers, even the military was sent notice. Everyone watched, everyone was watching, and my stomach dropped.
Pain arose again from down below.. from the wrecking ball, and I got tired of it quick. As it was coming more rapidly, I moved. I jumped out of my trance and stepped once onto the Earth itself. (Now that flying cars had been invented, the buildings were higher up.) My jaw busted open, and I let it hang, as it was very much cramped. My tongue moved, and felt many pointy teeth, and then it burned. Pain came yet again, and I realized I was being attacked. So I turned around, with my whole body this time, and looked down at the ground. I saw the look on people’s faces, horrified faces, mixed with awe. My tongue burned, and I let my rage swell, because I was hurt from them.
I was going to show them-the people down there . I knew I couldn’t hurt them, so I targeted something else: the steel caging me to this area. My mouth heated and blaze… Burn.. burn for hurting me. You are so lucky I don’t want to kill you instead. Never, never mess with someone until you know what you’re dealing with. The flame licked the steel and some iron bits, as well. The iron melted as ice cream to a hundred-degree weather while sitting in the sun. The steel got superheated, but would not break. So, I got closer. This isn’t working. Hm.. Ah! I have strength do I not? I swung a foot onto the burning steel and rested it on top of a support structure, criss-crossed until a point.. It looks like I was going to be admired.. and trapped.. in a building.. very clever. I gathered all the strength in my leg and pushed down. The structure whined in protest but gave. I heard a gasp among the people. One thought came to mind now, Free. As I had freed myself, I knew I had to leave.
I gathered my muscles, in a cat-like hunched position, and jumped. I didn’t know how or why I was doing this until I didn’t drop.
When I realized.. I can.. fly. I have wings. With my newfound abilities, I soared into the sky, and flew off. I didn’t know where to go, just one feeling still drove me: Free.
Her theory was correct. She was right. How?..
For this reason; I am her, and this is my story. Though, my name cannot be disclosed to you yet, as you have to journey with me to fully comprehend me. So tag along, join the adventure, as the “tower” has a background check. As the teacher realized her position, so have I. One day at a time, I will tell you my story. Starting from the very beginning. When the teacher, me, discovers what the “tower” really is, perhaps a mythological being? Something distinguished and distinct and powerful?... a.. Dragon. Just like the Jabberwocky, frozen in time until the Queen of Hearts calls upon it. Well, something drew the dragon to the teacher. How is this possible you say? Mind you, we have enlarged the continent on the east side making New York bigger, watched the state of Florida separate from the country of USA, and had many unbelievable technological breakthroughs. So if someone was crazy enough, this could happen.
There was a setback though to being, well... me. I soon learned that "it" made you forget whoever you were before, and gave you a new identity. A painful and enlightening one, I might add. However, while you should be thinking, 'well now this is going to suck!' I assure you, that is not the case. I begin my journey in the desolate expanse of Antarctica, where I learn my new identity. At this point, I don't remember who I was before, in fact i'm quite oblivious to the fact that I even was someone before. You'll see what I am though, and what I become. I won't come back for some time, as you will be in a different dimension of my past.
Ah, I've said too much I'll just-" Are you back to me, my dear? Ah very good. Let's begin with what you know. Oh, don't give me such an aggravated face. I may be the Devil, but please don't disgrace me now of all times. The fun has just begun." He paused for effect. "I will test your knowledge now, my young-... -I assume you've heard of Suleyksejun do sil, yes?"
Author's note: I may condition you to know that my work is the beginning of a dream, and wisdom is a big part of my identity. For those of you older, I hope you will stay along, for if the future holds as predicted, you might just need to believe. So I begin.
End of chapter
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Hey there, Cynder! You don't seem to have enough followers on this novel of yours, so I decided to check it out. (Plus I'm much more comfortable with prose xD). Let's dive into this, shall we?
I'll start off with a quick nitpick and some things that I noticed while reading.
In this sentence, I don't think the colon is used correctly. Usually they're used to connect two phrases, which you do here, but it just feels awkward. I'm no expert on colons, but it just doesn't read right, so instead detracts from flow instead of enhancing it. Also, I so notice quite a few colons used throughout. It's not necessarily bad, but sometimes becomes a little too overdone. The same happens with semi-colon. They're nice to use, but sometimes it seems more like an author flaunting what they can so, even if they can accomplish it in a much simpler way (so just be careful of that.)
So, I'm not really liking how in the prologue each man is instantly described, going from their heratige to everything about their looks and history, etc. I say you should hold off quite a bit. It's important to show us about your characters, and the descriptions are nice, but it's too much all at once. Not to mention it's just a prologue. Normally readers don't even read prologues and so you don't want to include any information vital to the plot there, just the stuff that absolutely cannot fit anywhere else. So when it comes to describing all the men, do that over time so we get a chance to learn more about characters as the plot goes on.
Another thing about describing all at once is there's so much to take it that not all of it can fit and things become more confusing than they need to be. For instance, what's up with John's nickname? It confused me more than anything. Because of his father he is called Marshal? It seems so unnecessary to know, but it was provided so I became hung up on it. Save those details for a later time.
Might not survive? Wait what? I'm more confused than alarmed. It's a building... I realize that later on there's a lot more realized about this grand tower and all that, but the general mentions they might no survive, but doesn't mention why he thinks that. It's creepy that the tower is there yet, but to him it's just a tower. The foreshadowing seems to fall short since not all the pieces seem there.
Talking about a setback in what? When there mentions stuff about the advances of the US in technology, there is that setback memory, but I'm not sure if it has to do with the technology or someone else going around trying to strip people of their memories? It seems like such an important detail, but then again, you may want to hold off on this until later. (But if you keep it, so clear it up.)
Final thing I have to say so that there are so many ellipses in the dialogue. Far too many. It really gives it a choppy feels and when it breaks up every other words, I don't understand the message you were trying to tell. The descriptions are all broken up like that and I'm really confused. I recommend you avoid using ellipses in narration for this very reason.
I really like how in the prologue you were able to slip in the narrator of the story, which was very clever. I did notice the thick tone there, which was very interesting to read, and you have a good start! I'm excited ^^
Keep on Writing,
~Wolfare~
Holy jesus @Wolfare1 ! Thank you so much for your support! Can I ask that you explain what you mean by an "ellipse?" Also, that prolouge is without many of the important details. Those men are a background story that engages the reader. They only ever come back into the story briefly but I can't say how or why because that'd be giving away the plot. I can tell you that my main character is shown rather than told, unlike that group of men. Don't worry, I knew not to tell everything. However, if it seems a bit choppy to you, would you mind taking it a step further and PM ing me or something your idea of editing for the men? It would help me a lot, as I can tell I have a lot to learn from you. Thanks so much
An ellipse is this: "..." Those series of three dots (or sometimes two dots here). I also realize I say ellipses are too prominent in the dialogue, when I meant narration. It happens a ton more in the first chapter than the prologue. Ah, but in the prologue they're build up as so important, it sort of gave that false impression
Haha, ok thanks
I have a long way to go as a writer, but I'll take all the help I can get @wolfare1 Feel free to give advice as much as you can. Thanks, Cynder.
So, there's a problem with how the text is being arranged and I can't figure out how to fix it. Can someone please help?
Thanks
There are some buttons that (I think) look like < when you edit it. Play around with those. And that first paragraph is still ginormous...
Ya they look like: </>
Woah there! Awesomeness overload!!!! Congratulations on writing such a splendid chapter one! I'm already so excited for the second one. One quick thing- add "Chapter One" to your title so that readers will know the order in which to read each part. I know that you wrote "Chapter One" here already, but it should be in the official title instead. Oh and by the way, your book's title is amazing!
The main issue I see in this chapter is very fixable. Your paragraphs are quite colossal. A little too colossal. Split them up and your readers will love you! Here are two instances when you could definitely separate them into smaller paragraphs:
-When you describe each of the four military men at the beginning. If you could have a separate paragraph for each man, it would make it a lot better. I got them a little mixed up, and separating each one would help the reader differentiate them.
-The last paragraph. Especially when the news reports break out, a new paragraph must be started. Also, this is your most important and riveting part of the story. Smaller paragraphs can keep the intensity at its maximum.
Ok. Now I am going to cruise through the chapter and highlight some areas- good ones and objectionable ones...
As the very first two sentences of your book, this must be perfect. You did a very good job, although "group" is vague. "Four men" is better. I picture a group as somewhere from eight to twenty people (well... sorta). Otherwise, the second sentence serves as a perfect hook.
It's= it is. It should be "its."
Nice names!
There should be a comma after "know."
By the way, you did an awesome job not using "said!"
This would be a perfect place for starting a new paragraph.
Ah, so this is the time period. Cool!
I like this, but you shouldn't use "faces" twice in the same sentence. Try "with wide grins stuck on the childrens' faces."
So the title takes its form! How exciting!!!!!
Wonderful simile! However, it should be spelled as: "Jabberwocky."
Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch...
Ah..... love that poem!
Most people would create their own fantasy world for their story to bloom in (including myself
This part is confusing... try rewriting it.
So cool!
Nice descriptions!
Spelling issue: prevalent. Good vocab, though!
Where exactly did the pain come from?
That's what I'm talking about. Great ending!
Now that that's all over with, it's time for the fun part!
I absolutely love your book so far! It is so so so intense and I am so excited to see what will happen to our teacher/dragon protagonist! This idea is so original... a teacher tells a story to her class, and it just happens to come true. First person is going to be great in this book. It was really neat how third person melted into first in this chapter.
I'm so happy for you! I must say that your writing has improved a lot! You used so many descriptive words and fit them all together quite beautifully. Just break up your paragraphs and fix the little errors I mentioned above. Soon, your writing will shine with luminescence, as your silver dragon does! I can't wait for more! Keep it up!!!!!
Hello! I'm Sarah and I'm here to review!
First, this is a very interesting concept. It's different. So that's a tick!
However, the main thing that gets to me is the massive paragraphs. I would suggest you try and break them up, (unless this site did it...Then I understand). If you do that, then it'll make it much easier for the reader to read through it.
You also seem to have a thing about putting too many commas in a sentence. Here's an example:
"I stared at my reflection through a skyscraper, and what I saw, gleamed at me very brightly, and I turned away."
To me, this is a little too much, (the commas I mean, not the sentence). I would take out the comma after skyscraper.
Also, this sentence here:
"It was sometime later, and the window was gone.. I’m not in bed.. I’m not even in my room.. My house.. Where am i? The teacher thought."
It doesn't make sense to me. First, the 'i' needs to be a capital. Second, I would get rid of one of the full stops after the word gone. That way, it'll make it look better and it will be more fluent.
Just one more suggestion:
"They knew his warnings were always true. In the end, he turned out to be right."
I think, and this is just me, you should get rid of the full stop after true and add the word 'and'. It's a conjunction word, meaning it links two sentences together and forming one single sentence.
Overall, I like it. It's a nice, action packed story. Just tweak it a little and it'll be awesome!
Now, please don't be offended. I'm only trying to help.
Bye!
Hello, Cynder. This is Pinkiegirl13. I like to review this story as your reviewer.

I love this story! Really! I really do! This story is alive in my mind. It is like a movie. I like how you made it so real to me. I really enjoyed this story very much. I didn't see any errors on here. You are a talented writer, dude. I want to read more stories from you. Also, welcome to YWS. Hope you enjoy it here.
The best story ever!
Keep writing!
Cheers
Your reviewer, Pinkie.