That light I see,
bursting with dreams that no one understands.
That light I see,
am I forced to look away?
'Don't look at it, it'll burn your eyes'
Mother taunts me.
Oh, but that light I see,
swinging with grace over the mountain tops.
That greets me kindly as I wake.
That light I see,
that pierces my eye
like a knife that rips the jagged wood.
But that light I see,
smiles kindly to me
and takes me away;
'Mother Earth, don't let me die'
I plead.
Because that light I see,
brushes against my skin.
Sings to me.
Gazes over me
as I come upon my enemies' eye.
That light I see,
I can rely on you.
Dearest sun, you are my light.
I love you so.
Give me the light that will lead me
home
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
Heyyy.
Okay so, your poem was really nice. BUT, agreeing with the previous review, "that light I see" repetition doesn't work here at all. Like, it doesn't add to it. Just makes it long, doesn't fit in.
Then, I love how your imagery worked here. Like the line, "that pierces my eye
like a knife that rips the jagged wood." This was pretty cool.
It was great, overall. I just didn't understand what does the light signify. Is it the sun? Is it death taking over? Is it hope? Is it the desires that the poet has? Is it the dreams and wishes? Because, different lines depict different things. So just clear my doubt
Good job, though.
Keep writing and stay blessed.
xoxo
Hey Reet.
Thanks for your review.
The light is the sun, and thanks again!
Oh well got it now
You're welcome
Hello again!
)
So, agreed with the reviewers below me: the repetition of 'that light I see' just doesn't work. As I mentioned in my previous review, repetition is fabulous is some poems, while in others it just is clunky and useless. I would advise you to take it out (except it's completely your decision
Hmm, so although this poem had excellent imagery, it was very vague. For example,
Who exactly is "she"? Now, I love it when there's a little mystery to a poem, and there's a little missing piece or two (in a good way). I'm assuming this "she" is the same person as this "enemy" below. But I'm not entirely sure. I found this poem not so detailed (as in- "fact" wise, not imagery). This is just one example.
Also, what is the light? You could incorporate this in with a couple more lines, or maybe you can just write some clues as to what it is.
Overall, the imagery was splendid. Again, I hope to read more from you!
~ EternalRain
EternalRain, thanks a lot.
So now I changed it, and tell me if its better.
I thought I could give the reader a hint that the light is the sun, but I guess not.
Ya, she isn't really describing very well. Since the light is the sun, "she" is the person's Mother. And yes, I don't think this was my best work. I changed it, and I hope its better, thanks to your help!
No problem! We all have our "not do good" works every now and then. The edited version is very nice, by the way
Thanks, without everyone's help it wouldn't be good!
This was nice. I dont like the repitition of ' that light that I see' its redundant and can be taken out.
'Don't look at it, it'll burn your eyes'
She taunts me.
Oh, but that light I see,
swinging with grace over the mountain tops.
That light I see,
that greets me kindly as I wake.
That light I see,
that pierces my eye
like a knife that rips the jagged wood.
But that light I see,
smiles kindly to me
This simple personification gives this poem personality and life, so to speak. It also lightens it up, pardon the pun,and keeps it fun and a little playful. This was a good poem. I liked it just fine. Good job. I think this would benefit if it were in a stanza format, instead of spaced like it is. It's fine either way, just my opinion.
Thanks!
Yes, I agree, repeating that sentence was not a good idea. I changed it now, so tell me if its better!
I like it, nice work
feel free to share your opinion on my latest work. 
Ok sure!
Hello, Curiosity!
You have some nice imagery in here. I enjoyed the inclusion of the concrete imagery (the mountain tops, the wood), but that being said, I have some suggestions for change that would make this better.
I don't usually touch on format too much, but I feel like this poem would benefit if you left aligned it and broke it into stanzas. Here on YWS, you have to hold shift when you press enter in order to single space something, and when you want a new stanza, just don't hold shift! Breaking it up would help the reader understand more of what you're saying.
The most major issue with the poem is that I have no idea what it's about. It's about a light, yes, but other than it being kind and blinding, I don't know what the light is. If you're using the light as a symbol of something, you need to hint at it more, or the reader will never figure it out. Perhaps it is hope? If so, you should spend less time talking about it being blinding and more time about it motivating the narrator. Is it god? Then give us some sort of religious indication.
The repetition of "that light that I see" isn't really doing it for me. I suggest taking it out, as it's just kind of filler here. Now, if you used it in different ways each time, I would think it would be quite nice. However, this repetition is simply the repetition of an introduction that the reader really only needs once.
I hope that this review proves useful to you! Happy YWSing!
Thanks so much for your review Morrigan!
I changed it now, and tell me if its better!