A cabin in the woods.
No, no, on a mountain,
Atop a snowy mountain with
A fireplace
And a friend.
I want the friend to not speak,
I want to stay warm in the silence
And feel my skin expanding
Like banana bread in an oven;
But I don’t want to burn.
I want to be the most perfect temperature,
Warm but not hot,
Cool but not cold.
I want to look out of the window
And think
Of how proud I am of myself.
I imagine I’d be happy;
That I’d have that joyful rising encapsulating in my heart
And everything I’d ever gone through would be worth it
For a future like this.
I would hear the songs of content passing through my ears;
And everytime I would hear it I’d feel the merry delight
That you feel as a child when you open up a present on christmas day;
That sparkling look casted upon your facial expression.
When I breathe,
I imagine I would be in a place far away from earth,
In some castle
And I would be the queen,
I would sip tea with all of the other nobles
And talk about all of the gossip I’d heard about the king,
The king who would be the love of my life,
And tell me how much he loved me and he’d say it
With a blood trembling realness in his eyes
And I’d know he’d meant every word he said,
And I’d say it back to him
With just as much fierce and force as he'd said to me.
I would dance in my ball gowns in the middle of the town square
Because I am the queen
And the queen can do whatever she wants.
The air would seem to lift me up into the clouds,
Where I would no doubt live the rest of my life.
In the clouds, with heaven by my side.
I would guard the gates of heaven
And make sure that no one gets punished for a crime uncommitted.
Happiness would weave it’s way into all of the residents pupils,
They wouldn’t have to smile to prove they’re happy
Because I would see it in their eyes.
Their gorgeous eyes, of all colors and hues,
Glittering and glimmering with all of the stars in the night sky.
The night sky;
God, it would be so beautiful at night.
I would lay down in the clouds and count all of the stars
And I would wait to transcend into my final resting place,
A place of peaceful eternity where I would no doubt live the rest of my life
With a new found happiness washing over me like a battery seconds away from reaching 100%.
I open my eyes
And I’m in the present, the reality,
And I’m not at a castle
Or a cabin atop a mountain
Or at the gate of heaven,
I’m sitting at a desk
And I am alone.
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139,533 Literary Works • 672,600 Reviews
This is such a great poem. I love how it captures the feeling of longing for a life so unlike what we have and how it expresses that feeling of needing our wildest dreams to come true. And that pain that comes with realizing we're in the same place we were when we started.
I really enjoyed the imagery throughout the poem, and how it paints a detailed picture of all the beautiful places you want to be. But more than that, it captures how you want to feel. That aspect really speaks to me because I know what it's like to wish you could just be happy, just be content, but finding that instead you're just cold, hollow, numb.
My favorite stanzas were probably the fourth, sixth, eighth, ninth and of course your beautiful ending (I realize now that these are basically half the poem XD). The fourth one really captured that feeling of longing to simply be happy, of finding a time and a place were you're content. The sixth stanza captured the feeling of wanting to be loved. Coming from someone who's very much single, I really get it and it hits pretty hard. Nothing is quite so painful as feeling unloved. The eighth one was full of simply gorgeous imagery. I don't really know how to describe other than that I just got a perfect sense of the gates of heaven. The ninth stanza was again, full of stunning imagery not just of a beautiful night sky, but it really conveyed the emotions of wanting to be at peace and content.
Finally, your ending. Was. Amazing. You had vivid imagery of your vivid dreams and then you drop us back to reality. And not only that, you shove it in our faces that we aren't in a fantasy world, we aren't perfectly happy, we aren't with the love of our life. We're alone. And your ending captured that cold, sad feeling just perfectly.
So sorry if I rambled on too much, but I just loved this poem and I hope to see more of your work <3
Thank you
I love all the imagery you use throughout the poem, like at this part.
"I would hear the songs of content passing through my ears;
And everytime I would hear it I’d feel the merry delight
That you feel as a child when you open up a present on christmas day;
That sparkling look casted upon your facial expression.
In the beginning I was a little confused when you contradict yourself, you said.
"A cabin in the woods.
No, no, on a mountain,
Atop a snowy mountain with
A fireplace
And a friend."
But then as I started reading more of it, it made more sense, that the speaker was dreaming in the poem.
I loved your ending so much,
"I open my eyes
And I’m in the present, the reality,
And I’m not at a castle
Or a cabin atop a mountain
Or at the gate of heaven,
I’m sitting at a desk
And I am alone.
That the speaker realized after they stop dreaming that they are sitting alone at their desk. That they dreamed they were doing all these things, but in reality they are not. Its kind of like reading, you go to all these cool places in your head, but then when you put down the book the experience is over.
Overall you did a great job, I loved your use of description and imagery so much. Can't wait to read what you write next!
Carpe diem,
LUNARGIRL
Phew, glad I'm not the only one who writes poems in classes LOL! Also, I really loved this. The last stanza was super good.
Lol thanks