The sun was hazy through the window.
I was so happy to see those cows,
Big brown eyes like mine.
I always worried about my eyes,
Plain jane,
Just the color of chocolate.
But then I realized,
In that young age,
If my eyes were that of a cows,
Then they belonged to someone that would,
Eventually,
Be loved.
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@alliyah enjoy! : )
Watashi ga kita (again)!
Going to drop a quick review.
First of all, I love the feeling behind the poem. It's so sweet and so delicate, you've done a nice job expressing how anxious you were and how you started to love yourself. It's wonderful.
Also, a cow's eyes are so deep. They're like these soft brown wells you just fall into.
There are a couple of little edits you may want to make, though:
The opening line created a nice image, but it didn't connect to the rest of the poem, so made for an unsuitable beginning. Maybe you could add a short line about how you looked out the window, and then saw the cows.
I think the third line should begin with the word "With."
Since "eyes" is plural, "that" should be replaced with "those", and there ought to be an apostrophe in "cow's".
That's it! Otherwise, like I mentioned, you poem is really nice. Short, simple and sweet. A soft poem. And the note of hope at the ending was quite touching. It feels like it was written with double perspective, which it was; you recounted something that happened when you were a child but through the words of someone older. Great work!
I'd love to see more of where this came from. Keep writing, and good luck!
- Lee
Aw, thank you!
Moo, I'm here with a very short review!
typo alert
that rhymesWow, you really have cow eyes? Me too! My eyes are a bit hazel brown rather than darkish though. Perhaps the colour of chocolate? Maybe?
I love this. The idea of a "Cow" poem is great, and by "Cow", I mean both the animal and YOU! By the title and the entirety of the poem, I felt that this poem was about hope? It's just the feeling eyes give you I guess. They give hope. Especially eyes that are brown and give a glimmer of hope for a ray of sunshine after the storm.
CLICHESpoiler
This is a very confusing typo, because well I CAN'T FIGURE OUT IF COW WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SINGULAR OR i[]PLURAL[/i]!!!
Moving on; I was most touched by the last four lines. Those lines are what convinced me that this was about hope.
The pauses were a pleasant touch. It makes me feel like it was written to put someone to sleep. It could be a lullaby for a person in despair, a person who's dying or a person with no will to live. That's just how deep this poem touched. I'm glad you tagged me. Thank you. This poem was lovely.
Yours sincerely,
Myth <3
Aw, thank you! I hadn't written poem in over a year. I wanna try to make a bunch based on things i remember from my childhood that were warning signs of my anxiety, and this was the earliest one i could remember. I'd guess i was around 4 or 5, i really hated my brown eyes at the time.
Your eyes are so not that shade Grav?
look againIt's not like you've outstared me or something and that you know that the hard way.
They're a lighter shade of brown, so WHAT!!!!
@LittleLee @Gravitem
Haven't written poetry in so long so enjoy??
Ghosh I'mma review this is a very informal style.
my damn keyboard makes me sound like a hobo....
PFFT
Watashi ga kitaaaaaaaa but right now I'm actually sitting in class so I can't concentrate on a good review.oop lol he was sitting in my mom's class! ahaahahaahaha