I...
Remember.
I think?
It's so hazy after first grade.
What happened?
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Canary word: Present
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139,382 Literary Works • 672,542 Reviews
Hello Cow! I thought I'd drop by for a review, courtesy of review day!
To be fair, there isn't a whole ton to review here so my review will probably be pretty short.
First of all, since this is such a short poem, punctuation and capitalization can convey a lot of meaning, and add some interest to the poem.
For example, you use a question mark twice, and a period twice. You could consider changing up these punctuation marks, so that you only use each mark once.
That could be one way of rewriting the punctuation; it's really up to you as the poet.
Another thing to consider is capitalization. You could consider removing capitalization, to convey the confusion of the narrator. That's really just a stylistic choice, but definitely something to think about!
Also, when you have so few words to work with, you really want to use strong words. "Hazy", for example, isn't the strongest adjective - switching it for a less common one might make the sentence heftier.
But all that said, for such a short poem, you've packed a lot of meaning into it!
I hope this review is helpful, if you've got any questions feel free to ask!
Keep writing!
whatchamacallit
Thank you!
Moo!
Can I just say one thing? YES!
Everything just changed after six years old. And ten years later, I feel things I couldn't even imagine ever feeling. The head's like the Universe or something. It just EXPANDS, and when it can't take anymore, it collapses and then, butterfly effect.
It is fuzzy indeed. What your intention behind this was is a bit of a blur to me because I wouldn't have a way of knowing, but I find these random blocks that I can solve my own puzzles from. It's a problem with no solution for itself, but solutions for other things. Well, this concept is making my head fuzzy XP.
Why I related to this was, rememberance. I have a lot of memories from the past years, but I just can't seem to figure out how my head got so messed up. It's so ironic. The very thing that helps you remember can't remember itself. Make sense?
Well, that's pretty much all I have to say. I'mma moo out now xD
Yours sincerely,
Myth <3
Aw! Thank you! It's about how i really don't remember much of anything from grades 1-6, not to mention the start of my freshman year and most of 8th grade. Its something that bothers me, but its a puzzle, like you said! Thank you!!! <333
Hello there,
There's not much to work with, but I shall try my hardest. Take my review lightly.
It's bland, but I think that works in your favor because it can have so many ways to think over what everything means and what happened. There's a thin line between hazy and lazy, so I'd be careful because crossing that line is not hard.
The bold really makes it hard to think because it can twist and turn. So much is possible, so this is when brainstorming comes in if you don't all ready have a plan for everything and how it turns out.
I don't have much more to say, but good luck on writing.
Have a good day,
Haley.
Thank you! I wanted it to be simple and plain because i don't remember much during the time period that I've written thing on. Its just... nothing really, there's not much there and the poem is reflecting that. Thank you for the review!
@Gravitem @LittleLee
ANOTHA ONE
I like this poem, but I can't review it! Suffice to say it's short and sweet.
<3