Published June 27, 2020
It's now third grade.
I can't remember first grade, besides my teacher.
I can't remember second grade, besides my teacher.
First was sweet, but her smile was too much.
I always felt bad for not liking math enough.
I don't remember her much.
Second was mean and called me stupid,
For not understanding a simple equation.
I don't think she deserved to be there.
I don't know what happened in those years.
They are just a blur,
A swamp.
It's now third grade,
I won't stop worrying about others.
But I've begun to read.
It's now third grade,
And I have made a friend I will lose for a few years,
Then gain again.
I remember little of third grade.
Third was chubby with a fake smile,
But she encouraged my reading after a while.
It's no longer third grade,
And I'm starting to realize -
Everything that's wrong.
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138,049 Literary Works • 672,071 Reviews
Moo! Hello Cow!
Here for a short #TeamTortoise review.
I really like this idea of tracing back to past years of our lives—and reflecting and reminiscing on what happened. I think the last stanza is really reflective of this— “It’s no longer third grade/And I’m starting to realize-/Everything that’s wrong”. Although I feel like this last line could really be reinforced by ideas that show this. What exactly was so wrong about third grade? There wasn’t too much negative written about third grade, so I think it might be interesting to have that mix of sweet nostalgic + recognition for the possibly negative.
One other critique I have is developing some of the ideas with deeper imagery. Like this stanza:
I think the line “was mean and called me stupid” could be expanded—instead of saying “mean and stupid” maybe some descriptive imagery? “She would scowl with her lip turned up/when I answered the question wrong” or something like that!
However, I think some lines had some really strong imagery! I loved the relation of years to a swamp. I think that’s a really good image and has potential to be interpreted in a few different ways for different people.
While this is a personal poem about personal experiences, it relatable. We’ve all gone to elementary school and experienced the ups and downs of academics, friendship, and teachers.
I hope this review helped a little! Keep writing!
Peace,
~EternalRain
Mooooooo.
I thought I'd review this poem, Cow, because it's cute and very relatable - maybe for different reasons than your intentions behind the poem, but I think the most important thing at the end is the impact your poem has, right?
I'd first like the comment on the relation between the beginning and end of the poem.
And,
Although the these verses - by their first lines - seem to be of opposing themes; they certainly have a similar feeling behind them. Although one could say that there was more carefree tone behind the last verse, and the last verse was more like a realization, I'd argue that even the first one is of realization. We're talking about a realization throughout the poem. And it all seems to have a carefree tone behind. Probably because these were times that once mattered, and now it's just all lost and beyond control. Time is a b----, for sure.
As for the rest of the poem. I relate to First grade in a different way. I had something similar but I don't remember what. I think it's just too happy for me to remember? Maybe I was too flawed a child? Had I played too many violent video games for a six year old? I don't know.
Second grade? Yes. I remember this teacher who slapped me 'cause I used crayons instead of colour pens. I don't think I'll ever forget. It was indeed mean and unforgiving.
Third grade? I think that's when I was introduced to the whole concept of a library. So, I kinda relate to this too unless the "reading" was supposed to be metaphoric. *frowns*
My brain's honestly too ****ed to remember.
It's really nice to read these. I wait impatiently for Entry 6.
Yours sincerely,
Myth <3
I read so much, Myth, it ain't funny. I'm glad you understood it!!! And don't worry, I should have number six out by tomorrow! <3
Hello Cow! I thought I'd stop by for a review, courtesy of review day (and Team Tortoise)!
First I want to look at formatting in this poem. You alternate between centred stanzas, stanzas aligned to the right, and stanzas aligned to the left. I understand why you've chosen to do so, but to be quite honest, I find it makes the poem feel more messy and disorganized than anything else. Yes, it could be used to show a progression of time, but it doesn't feel consistent enough as it is to do that effectively. For example, we have two "centred stanzas". The first is set during third grade, but the second is set after third grade. Meanwhile, the other two stanzas about being in third grade, are aligned first to the left and then to the right.
I just personally feel like it would make the most sense to choose an alignment for each time period, and stick to that. So the first, fifth, and sixth stanzas would be centred. The fourth, seventh, and eighth stanzas could be to the right, and the others could be to the left.
Formatting like this is definitely a stylistic choice and up to the poet, but I recommend staying away from complicated formatting unless it's contributing somehow to the meaning of the poem, and right now it doesn't really seem to be doing that. This is just a personal opinion though, and it's totally up to you.
This is one of my favourite stanzas, since it uses some nice imagery to let the reader know what the narrator's feeling. One thing I would say is that "blur" and "swamp" are sort of unrelated descriptions, but that's pretty minor, not a big deal.
I love this ending paragraph! It pulls the reader back to the present, and the use of a strikethrough is really creative.
Overall, this is a solid poem, I just feel that the formatting is a little messy.
I hope this poem is helpful! If you've got any questions feel free to ask!
Keep writing!
whatchamacallit
Ok, thank you!
Hello there,
Oooh, I'm back yo. Here we go!
I'm starting from the last, so don't judge me. Okay, that's really short and it's straightforward enough to be just there, but the added of it being crossed off really gave it personality and depth. Still a little blunt in ways.
I like how it describes every teacher in different ways because no person is the same. I often read things with evil old ladies and nice young women. It's so repetitive after like 40 time, so I'm glad to see a change with that in poetry, which is hard to do a lot of stuff because of style and formatting.
Having said that, the format is stunning. I've never seen something like this, so yay! I really like it. Stylish.
Again, so beautiful.
Have a good day,
Haley.
Aw, thank you, thank you! <333
@LittleLee @Gravitem