Whistles screech.
Shoes squeak.
Nets swish.
Crowds scream.
This is where I belong.
I’m engulfed in the game,
from tightening my laces,
sprinting down the court,
to the alarm of the final buzzer.
This is my life.
As I step on the court,
my gaze draws to the ball
like a magnet.
Mine.
The referee throws it
up in the air.
I leap like the ball
is my last breath.
It all starts now.
Sprinting.
Screaming.
Cutting.
Driving.
Shooting.
Fighting for our lives.
My team works as one.
Without each other,
we fail.
Together, success.
Nothing else matters.
My muscles are on fire
by the last quarter.
Breath, water, audacity:
all we need to live.
To win.
Sweat drips down my face
like salty tears,
symbolizing my toil.
Coach says his last words.
It’s time to end this.
Every ounce of effort,
Every pound of will,
Every ton of energy,
is left on the floor.
Nothing is held back.
My fire isn’t extinguished
until the final buzzer.
This is my goal.
This is my life.
To shoot,
To score,
To win.
It’s a lifestyle.
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140,573 Literary Works • 673,518 Reviews
Confused.pirate,
Absolutely love this! The style and sounds are excellent, and it was executed well. The imagery, as Sassykat mentioned was clear and well thought out. I particularly was engrossed in the sounds - though I'm going to nitpick here - not a fan of the line breaks.
The short lines kept the fast pace of a basketball court, so I enjoyed that aspect very much, but you also have to watch out for where you break the lines. Where the line ends - should either be a complete thought, or else, a very strong word. Some places like here:
You would agree the breaks sound a bit awkward? The two lines by themselves are weak, so the break seems forced, rather than natural. Compare these lines to the beginning stanza and end stanza, where the breaks actually form strong lines.
Anyway, this is just a very picky suggestion. Overall, the poem was enjoyable. Nice work!
~ as always, Audy
DUDE. This was totally unbelievable. I could totally tell exactly what you were talking about the whole time, even though you didn't come right out and say "basketball." And I've never been a huge fan of basketball, but this almost made me like it...and that's really saying something. VERY well done.
EXCELLENT.