Don't Run

Maybe it wasn't perfect, but it was relatable to me anyways, so i really enjoyed it. Only I think I'm not going to take your advice at the end there..

This. Is. Amazing.
How did you get this awesome talent of writing such amazing poems? This was so cool.
The rhymes, the choice of words, and everything seemed perfect the way it is.

It was neither too long nor too short. Just perfect! Keep doing this amazing poetry and I really really really wish to see you write poems more often.

Looking forward to reading your other poems. Please keep sharing all your work on here. You are awesome!

P.S. It is my favorite poem on YWS in 2015. I reviewed many other poems but this one is super cool. *inspired me to write a new poem similar to this one*

Hey, Shine. I'm Nonny. I'm going to split up your poem into small sections, review it and then re-cap at the end.

Heart Racing.... to Please?

To me it seems like there is someone inside of this characters head. Although I can't exactly figure out what is going on with her/him just yet, I get the sense that someone is just in there sceaming about letting go. It really points out real mental illness where people genuinely feel people are inside of their heads. I feel as though there was a lack of detail, though. It seemed like the poem was a little bit forced out in this area. I think that you could expand on some of these lines. For example, "Loud visitors banging on the walls of my head"

Lurking Figures to Inviting more of them in

Once again, I feel as though there could be more description. It could be scarier. I want to hear the footsteps chasing the character, feel her fear. I want to be scared.

Take me to the day to end of poem.

I want to feel her begging for the need for everything to be silent. I loved the poem because it really touched base, like I said previously, with that mental illness. However, I just needed more, you know? I needed to feel, hear, see...everything. I felt like I was just reading about schizophrenia.

Over all, it was a good poem. I really hope that you can take into account some of my suggestions to make this poem even better, even scarier. Thank you very much for sharing and I look forward to reading more of your work!

That was a masterpiece. I've always liked dark, melancholy, or death-related poems. In fact, I like all sorts of dark things. Keep it up!

That was a masterpiece. I've always liked dark, melancholy, or death-related poems. In fact, I like all sorts of dark things. Keep it up!

The flow was very good throughout this, which was vital for such a poem.
I like how it's pacey but not too pacey and not overdone. So kudos on that.


My favourite part was :

"Outrunning it isn't a choice,

no,

but you can stall it,

your madness,

that is."


There weren't any typos or any other errors, and the punctuation gave it a more organized look. Nice work


Rating: 8/10



Hassan

I really enjoyed this. The pacing is great. The short, quick sentences are like the sharp breaths you take when you run, which links to the theme of the poem perfectly.

Also, the broken lines are like broken thoughts of the mad.

There's a bit in the middle that I can't make sense of though.

The sentence, 'take me to the day/where one could hear/complete silence,' sounds like the silence was a relief compared to what you are feeling now. Yet later it says, 'But as long as you still hear it/ and not complete silence/ you know you're still safe'. This makes it sound like silence is a bad thing that you must stay away from.

But now as I read over it again...are you suggesting the complete silence is what drew the monsters and the madness in the first place? The 'You still have time', implies that. I may have just solved my own confusion XD

Well, anyway, this review has showed that you've made me think anyway! Which is a good thing haha.

Loved the last line! Very dramatic!

I love anything to do with psychology and madness, it really interests me

I'm liking this more and more now...

Well done