It's hard to say
why I'm here,
though it may be because
of the spotlights.
Stuck in this domain
I bleed white onto the columns,
and count out the ten reasons
I have an obsession with
H2O and the rejection
of moral principles,
also getting older
and drowning.
Somewhere under the layers
of my imagination
and locked jaw,
fear factors build up
for the appreciation towards
a society for young writers.
Above me hang
the plants from another region
that some call flora;
though I call them "green things."
While the hours fade away
I sit and wait,
waiting for the spotlight
to hit me.
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140,233 Literary Works • 673,048 Reviews
Hey! Cello here!
Let's just jump in.
I don't like 'also'. It throws off the flow. Try
'H20, the rejection
of moral principles,
getting older
and drowning'
It flows nicer and keeps the lines shorter.
I would suggest capitalizing the title too. It looks more professional and attracts more attention.
I really liked this poem. It captured a lot about YWS but clearly had a lot of personal meaning too. You had a beautiful vocabulary which made it all a joy to read.
Keep up the good work!
-ChocolateCello
Dat references.
Hey, yo, GuyFieri! Stranger here on this wonderful day and I'm here to review!
You sure as hell took me to Flavortown on this one.
Kidding, but you know my actual reaction to this. I did find this humorous, though there is one gaping hole in the way how you deliver this. For today, and probably tomorrow, this is a relevant piece of humorous poetry. However, in one week, this will be incredibly outdated. That is the main problem of this poem.
Of course, I'm going to talk about the reference to my works first. This does have a good amount of cleverness, and I enjoy that. However, you clearly misinterpreted my title. When you say "the rejection of moral principles", you're talking about nihilism, though in my title it doesn't say I'm obsessed with nihilism. I'm obsessed with the idea, clear difference. That's honestly the smallest thing in the poem, though.
"green things". is the correct way to do this.
I do enjoy how this is clearly spotlight bait, and how you fully embrace that with the first and last four lines. You're waiting for the spotlight to hit you, so why not reference the spotlight as much as possible? Great idea, but there is one problem. Considering how the spotlight suffers massive changes, this will be irrelevant in a short time. I, and many others, enjoy this right now, but probably not in a month.
Good job, keep writing, and stay groovy, darling.
Sir, I must absolutely applaud you on how punny I found this.
You are legendary.
My favourite kind of guy!
Shall surely be looking out for more works by yours truly (and if you allow, "Your Punniness"!)
Thank you so much!
Also, I'm a girl.
I see what you did there.