18+ Language Violence

The Dawn of Winter

Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and violence.

Winter sat on the cold floor trying to forget the nightmare that she had just escaped.

Sarah was in her arms crying.

"H-h-he's d-dead isn't he." Sarah said crying.

Winter just sat there not knowing what to say.

Sarah suddenly bolted upright and kissed Winter.

"I love you. You know that right and I don't ever want to lose you."

"What are you two doing?" Alex yelled running into the room.

"Resting" Winter said dryly.

"We need to go now." Alex said.

"Alex. Please we need rest. We've been running around this stupid place for days." Winter begged.

"You've got ten minutes." He said sounding annoyed.

"Alex. We don't need this shit. Okay? We are kids fighting the war for our parents. I'm so scared and I just lost my brother so if you could just shut the fuck up--.

Winter had pulled Sarah into a hug and rubbed her back.

"W-w-we l-lost K-kelvin." He stammered slumping against the wall.

Alex looked up at Sarah and said. "I'm sorry I didn't know okay."

"I don't want to fight this stupid war anymore. I just want to go home." Sarah sobbed burying her face in Winter's neck.

Melody had come in dumping her bag next to Alex and sitting down.

"Mel go set up some traps. We need to protect this area." He said sternly.

She looked disappointed but did what she was told. "Why is it always me?" She muttered to herself.

"We don't exactly know if Kelvin is dead." Winter said brushing hair away from her face.

"Why don't I fit in? Why do they always exclude me? I hate it. I don't like being a loner." Melody grumbled as she walked down to the end of the long corridor. She started setting up a trip wire. Melody finished setting up that tripwire and rigged up a few doors to grenades so that they'd blow up when they were opened. She slowly made her way down the long corridor setting various traps up. She was just setting up a rather complicated outside the room they were in when a rat ran past scaring her. Melody yelped and hit the trip wire which detonated the bomb.

The war had been raging on for almost a year now. The four of them had been forced to join the army. Sarah was 16, Winter was 17 and Melody was 18, Alex was 19. Kelvin had been 13. When they had all been forced into the Army and sent into the war. They were stuck in an old mental asylum in Germany. Where they were heavily outnumbered and had been pinned down for the last three weeks. They had run out of rations and had barely any water left.

They were all huddled together in a small room behind crates and boxes.

There was a scream as Melody was thrown through the doorway.

"Mel." Alex cried. He dragged her over to them and kissed her on the lips.

"Please don't die." He said holding her tightly.

"I'm not going to die." She moaned.

He dropped her in shock.

"Uhhh." He said blushing.

"You kissed me. I didn't know you liked me."

"I... Uhhh."

She grabbed Alex and pulled him down onto her.

Alex pushed her away and said. "We have to go now."

"We have nowhere to go dummy." Winter snarled.

"Yes we do." Melody said sitting up. "The west barracks."

"How do we get there?"

"Alex. You've been there tons of times. You must know a way to get there." Sarah said.

Winter gave him a wary look.

"What?" He cried out.

"Oh. Nothing." Winter said grinning.

"Okay everyone. Get up." Alex said grabbing has pack.

"No." Sarah protested.

Winter got up letting her fall on the ground.

"Melody are you okay?" Winter asked squatting down next to her.

"I'm fine. It was just one of the traps I was setting up. I did it wrong and it went off in my face."

Alex frowned and pulled her into a tight hug.

"Don't be so stupid." He said nuzzling her neck.

"I'm not stupid. I just did it wrong." She teased.

"We are so fucked." Winter muttered to herself.

"Yeah. You are." A man said with a deep voice.

Winter jumped back turning around.

"What do you want?" Alex said angrily standing up protectively.

"Easy, easy. I'm not here to hurt you."

The man grabbed four ration packs out of his pocket and threw them down.

"You kids look hungry."

Alex's eyes had not left the gun slung over his chest.

The man noticed Alex staring at it and unclipped it from his tactical belt and handed it to him.

"You can trust me. I'm here to help. Okay?"

Alex looked wary but nodded.

"Can we eat these?" Sarah said eagerly.

"Yes." The man said.

She looked at Alex waiting for his approval.

His face was blank. He was just staring at the gun.

Winter gently put an arm around Sarah and whispered in her ear. "Don't trust this man okay? Just watch your back."

Sarah lay down across Winter's lap.

Alex snapped out of his daze and looked up at the man.

"Why are you here?" He asked.

"To help you."

"We don't need help." Alex said angrily.

"Yeah. I can see that you're doing just fine on your own. Aren't you?"

Winter had curled up with Sarah and was trying to get some sleep.

Alex pulled a blanket out of his backpack and gently put it over them.

Melody yawned and leaned on Alex.

"Okay. I admit it. We need help." Alex said in defeat

"Alright then." The man said looking up from his book.

"What are we going to do?" Alex asked.

"First we need to get rest. I'll take first shift" he said "then you. How are the others fighting skills?"

"Not that bad. I guess. Melody knows a lot on explosives and tactical advantages. Winter and Sarah know how to handle swords and guns."

"What about martial arts?"

Sarah and Winter are both second Dan black belt in karate. Mel and I are both experts at mixed martial arts."

"Ahh. Nice."

Alex gently rubbed Melody's side as she curled up resting on his lap.

"You should get some sleep." The man said to Alex.

"In a bit." He said looking at Mel.

"Alex. Please get some rest." Melody said pulling him down towards her.

"No. First I want to know how we can trust him." Alex said.

"Okay for starters I haven't hurt or tried to kill either one of you and without my help you'd be dead by now." He said calmly. "I also gave you food."

"How do I know you aren’t just going to backstab us?"

"Why would I? You're just kids and if I go back there they will just kill me for treason. So I may as well stick with you guys. I know you just want to look after the people you know and care about and I don't want to impose any threat. I ran away from my camp when they kidnapped a kid... I tried to rescue him but was caught halfway to the holding cell. I just bolted after that." He said quietly.

"Kelvin...." Melody whispered.

"Come on. Get some sleep." The man said.

Alex lay down pulling Melody close to him.

She accepted his embrace and buried her face in his chest.

His dreams were disturbed that night. He dreamt of monsters attacking them and betrayal by Melody. He woke up in a cold sweat. He gently pulled Melody closer, kissing her on top of the head.

"Everything okay?" The man asked.

"Yeah. Just a nightmare."

He lay back down pulling Melody closer and holding her in his arms.

She let out a soft whimper and buried her face deeper into his chest.

When Sarah rolled over looking for Winter she found nothing.

She bolted up right and looked around the room.

"Where's Winter?" She said sounding worried. "What happened?"

Alex wrapped his arms around Sarah holding her tightly.

"She went to look for supplies in the other rooms and never came back."

"No you're lying. You're lying." She screamed at Alex.

"I'm not lying Sarah. She was taken."

Eventually she calmed herself down and curled up into a ball.

Alex and Melody left Sarah with the man and went off in search of water.

When they got back Sarah was asleep, she was wrapped in a blanket sucking her thumb.

Alex took Melody over into the corner of the room and said. "We need to keep an eye on Sarah I have no idea what she might do. She just lost Winter and Kelvin."

She nodded and kissed him on the cheek.

Melody doubled over into his arms.

"Shit. Mel are you okay." He said gently easing her down to the ground.

She looked pale.

"I don't feel so well." She said clutching her stomach.

He ran over to his pack and grabbed his canteen and some Panadol.

Alex gave her the two small pills and the canteen.

She took the pills and drank most of the water.

Melody curled up with Alex and slept for several hours.

Melody woke up and propped herself against the wall.

"So do we have a plan?" Alex said putting an arm around Melody.

"Not really. We need to move tonight though. They know we are here."

"What's your name?" Mel asked leaning on Alex.

"Luke." The man said looking down.

"So what's our plan?" Mel asked standing up and stretching.

"As soon as it's dark we go to the west corner and try to get Winter back." Luke said looking out the window.

"What about Kelvin?" Sarah said.

"We don't even know if either of them are alive. Okay? If we see him we'll get them." Alex said.

"Okay." Sarah said sniffling.

Melody went out into the hallway and went into one of the empty rooms.

A while later Alex popped his head through the remains of the door.

She was curled up into a ball crying. He walked over and gently lifted her head up and wiped the tears away.

"Don't cry. What's the matter?"

"I don't want to do this anymore. I - I - I killed someone. I don't want to kill anyone."

"Look I’m not saying killing is okay. But if you hadn't killed that person they would've killed all of us."

"THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT ANY BETTER ALEX!" She yelled thrashing out at him.

He moved away a bit.

She started to cry again and he pulled her into a tight hug.

"It's okay." He soothed. She kicked her semi-automatic gun away from them and sobbed openly into his shoulder.

She sniffled and rubbed her eyes, wiping the tears away.

Mel smiled weakly and kissed Alex properly for the first time.

He went a deep shade of red and kissed her back.

She gently pulled away and leaned on his chest.

"Thank you. Alex." She said softly. "You've always been there for me. When we met in the orphanage and I got bet up for being small. You'd always stand up for me and talk to me even though you got along with the other guys. Right now. I think you’re the only reason alive."

He held her hand and said. "You would've made it without me and when I die you need to soldier on."

"She pushed away from him and stared into his eyes. “You’re not going to die."

"We are in the middle of a war. I might die. We don't know that I won’t." He said staring back.

"You are not going to die." She shouted hugging him tightly.

He kissed her neck and hugged her tightly.

"We'll get through this. You and me all the way." She said.

"I really hope so..."

"You know Sarah. I had a daughter like you once. Always so caring and kind."

"What happened to her?"

"I don't know. She was in New Zealand when the war broke out and I lost contact with her."

She looked up at Luke and hugged him tightly. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." He said pulling her closer. The man opened his pack and pulled his last ration pack out and gave it to her.

Sarah ate half of it and gave him the rest. "You need to eat to."

He smiled and ate the rest of it.

Mel reached for her canteen and unclipped it from her bag. Her finger slipped into a hole and she went pale.

"M-m-my canteen got shot. I-I-I have no water." She said in shock.

Alex stood up and got his from the other room. He dribbled a little bit into her mouth.

Her hair was caked with dirt and mud. He looked at it and gently pulled bits out.

She wriggled about and squirmed as he did it.

"Stop squirming."

"Never." She said protesting by wriggling more.

He wrapped his arms around her tightly and nuzzled her neck.

Melody giggled and rolled away.

Alex stood up and looked at one of the crates that were in the room.

"Something's wrong." She said in almost a whisper.

"What?" he said turning around to face her.

She tackled him to the ground as a RPG burst through the window.

They had fallen behind boxes but that didn't do anything to protect them.

He had landed with her on top of him in the split second before the grenade blew he rolled over protecting her.

Shrapnel had shredded he legs and thighs. He rolled off her, his ears still ringing from the blast. She had recovered quickly and had started to stop the bleeding.

"Why is she putting pressure on my chest? My wounds are on my leg." He thought to his self. Alex felt a searing pain in is his chest. He screamed and thrashed about before losing consciousness.

Comments & reviews · 6
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User avatar
sphealwithit
Review

Sphealwithit here, just about good morning

This story is so good. I love the plot. It seems abit rushed though, like one event happens too quickly after another. The descriptions are good. Some grammatical errors that I wont weigh you down with, can be fixed with a re-read.

I do like it. Keep up the good work.

Sphealwithit out.

User avatar
Chuck10931
Comment

This is just a side note but the story has just been fully revamped and I will be posting the new section!

I like this story, it has an interesting approach to the subject. A lot of people try to write about the world ending, and at first glance I thought it would be a typical story. However, once I got into it, it noticed that you have a unique style. My piece of advice is to re-read your story a few times and see how it flows. There are a few spots where things to match up and the setting skips. Keep up the good work though, it's a very cool topic to write about.

User avatar
Rurouni
Review
Rurouni wrote a review · Thu May 30, 2013 6:03 pm

You need to re-read this, and PAY attention to what you are writing.
You talk about Winter being there suddenly,
Then Luke is with Mel, when at first it was Alex because they kissed.
This is extremely confusing, and you need to tell us what's happening first.
You really need to go over this, and really work out the flaws.
It needs:
To be paid attention too
Have characters that are dead, dead.
We need to know when we are moving from one character to another, For Example; Alex and Mel had kissed, and now they lay down in a protective, but cuddly manner. In the other room, Sarah was talking to Luke etc.
I like the idea, it needs work though.

Thanks,
pegsusgirl2

User avatar
Giselle97
Comment

Hi the name is Giselle and I am to review !

Ok, the plot is very interesting but It was a little hard to follow because there's hardly any type description. Its mostly filled with dialogue, which is a good thing but if you want your readers to feel connected or understand any of the characters, description is always helpful. Also it will help readers understand the plot better too. I use to always use a lot of dialogue in my stories and I understand how hard it can be to skip over the description and go straight into the dialogue. If I sound a little harsh then I'm sorry but I do think this story could be better if you add details.

Other then keep up the good work and I can't wait to read more :)

Wait. You see a plot in this?
Because this may sound crazy I can't exactly tell what the plot is. If you'd be as kind to explain what you think the plot is that would be great!

TheGoonerGirl here for a review!

I’ll start by saying that your title captured my attention and drew me into your story, which I think has good potential. The plot sounds very interesting and I would like to find out more about this war, the ravaged land and its characters, but some elements of your story need to be polished in order to improve it.

One of the first things that I want to point out is your description. You’ve included lots of dialogue from the characters. Lots of it, but there’s hardly any description of their actions, who they are, what they look like, how they feel, what their emotions are etc, etc. It’s also hard to conjure a picture of the setting, the characters and their actions in my mind. Also, if someone is reading a story and it contains a lot of dialogue but very little description, the reader is bound to become confused and bored and stop reading it. I would also like to see some more description of the scenery and the emotions of the characters. The readers need to see more depth of the characters.

One part that confused me was when Luke, who is a stranger, walks in and offers food, and Mel, Sarah, Alex and Winter immediately accept him. Why do they do this? Why do they not have any suspicions about him?

Now for your grammar:

"I don't want to do this anymore. I - i* - i* killed someone.


*Your I's need to be capitalised at all time. It also happens here too:

"M-m-my canteen got shot. I-i-i have no water."


I found a couple of others too:

"W-w-we l-lost K-kelvin." He stammered slumping against the wall.


The same should be applied with the k I highlighted in bold. It needs to be capitalised as it is the first letter of a person's name.

"Mel." Alex cried. He dragged her over to them and kissed her on the lips.

"Please don't die." Alex cried. "He held her tightly.


You don't need the second line as there is no use for it. There is no need to repeat "Alex cried". It interrupts the flow of the story. My advice is, is to reword it so that it becomes something along the lines of this:

"Mel," Alex cried. He dragged her over to them and kissed her on the lips, holding her tightly. "Please don't die."


But you are the author, not me, so it's up to you.

Now for your punctuation:

"What happened to her."


This is a question so there should be a question mark in front of "her" instead of a full stop.

You also misspelled "shredded" as "shreaded".

Overall, apart from the small mistakes you made, I really do think that this story has got potential and I like it. The plot looks very interesting and I'd like to see some more. Please don't be put off by my review as we all make mistakes as authors at one point.

Happy Writing!

I had made some mistakes with this and I understand I will go fix the grammatical errors.

I also forgot to mention. I haven't thought one bit about a plot while writing this. Derp



Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.
— Brené Brown