When I Realize

Hey there! It's ZeldaIsShiek here to review another quintessential piece of literature that made my day and win this Review Day by helping the Red Pandas stay in first place and reaching my goal of 80 reviews. I might even get to 100, if I work hard enough. I am really excited to review this amazing piece of art that you have created, and maybe add some witty humor as well. Anyway, that's enough idle chatter from me. Let's get into the review.

I believe that this poem is about someone who is broken inside and wants to die. The line "It's always the perfect people who are broken" is very true because 'perfect people' are either hiding their inner sadness to appear perfect or are sad because they can not relate to anyone since they are so 'perfect'. I like the ending of the poem and I feel that there are two things that could have happened after this poem takes place:

Ending 1:
You have hanged yourself and you realize you don't want to die too late. This is backed up by how you state it is too late when you realize you still want to live.

Ending 2:
You are just crying and really want to commit suicide, but then you realize you want to try more. This is unlikely because of the last two lines, but there's not a lot of evidence pointing towards suicide other than that.

That's all for today. Keep writing amazing literature that inspires me to read and review them, and have a great Review Day! Let's beat the Blues once and for all!

~ZeldaIsShiek

Aye, Nova here :3

This was beautiful. Often myself I've had the thought of death, realizing I don't want it, though I am a little curious, which is creepy to say the least XD. Your use of words was great, and the way you used your words amazed me.

Short review, I know, but I'm not the best at them.

Keep writing.

-Nova

Hi CateRose17, Felistia here with a review for you on this wonderful day.

Theme: I really like the nightmarish theme you had for this poem. The first two words had me hooked as they were really strong descriptive words that placed a whole lot of questions into my mind.

Rhythm: You had a really fast rhythm to this poem that really whips up the reader and carries them to the end of the poem were you suck in the breath that you've been holding. The short spurts of writing make the rhythm fast and choppy which fits in perfectly with the theme of your poem.

Description: As I said before, your first two words are a perfect hook and you carry on with strong, interesting words that help the reader get a feeling for what you are trying to say in the poem. I can't get a clear picture of anything in this poem. It's all sharp bursts of feelings and colours, which went perfectly with the panicked theme of your poem.

Title: I think your title went perfectly with your poem, although I think you should have a question mark at the end to effusive it.

Grammar and Punctuation: I had just one problem and it's more of a suggestion than anything else.

I am safe, but shaking

I'm safe, but shaking

Hay Harry here for a review.
I always start with what you could work on first so here we go, don't take it the wrong way if you think I am being mean or rude. First off you need to add some periods in there, you add some commas but writing even poems have sentences and pauses. Also every time you hit enter in your poem capitalize the first letter of the beginning word, Poems do this all the time. Another thing that I noticed is that you need to put in stanzas. For example do this.
Would they even believe?

Dimming, last breath

But it's always the perfect people

who are broken

No one's protected- not even under the church steeple

*** (Stanza)
Eyes closing, drowning

Ceased breathing, no more fighting

This sleeping...

It's sadly freeing

*** (Stanza)
I open my eyes

It's too late when I realize...

I don't want to die.
This allows the reader to think about what you where saying before they move on and to catch their breath and relax. Stanzas are kind of like paragraphs in a story. They separate different parts of your poem and prevents the reader from being confused.
Now for the good, I liked how you added your feelings, sounds, sights, and smells in this poem. You are in distress because you are going to die and that makes you afraid and are begging not to die. This shines the reality that everyone dies and being afraid is common because you don't know what happens after death.
Good Job and Keep Writing!

Hey!
Here a just a few little things I noticed.
First off

"water, burning keep faking" you should capitalize The K in keep faking

"Screaming, struggling

Weakness, but happy

But... what if I shout,"

First It should be: "Screaming. struggling, weakness" with the comma there

then: "but happy But... what if I shout,"

The extra but doesn't fit, but if you wanted to keep it, you should make it a lower case B for the second one along with a comma after happy.

but happy,

but... what if I shout,"

The last line "I don't want ti die" it should be ended with a period.

Thanks for taking the time to read my comment!
Overall I loved it it touched base with how I fell : )