Glass wall
build the wall
see you, tear it down
build it again
bury It in the ground
My strength is a vain attempt
at hope
My hope is shallow
suffocating me
in your glass quicksand I wallow
in.
I tried, I cried
I bled, a part of me
has died
i screamed, I hurt us
forgive me.
Glass wall, thick as a bullet
proof vest
when my fists collide, I feel the pain
to the fullest.
My chest is hollow
my heart hears your echo
My pain, I swallow
I reluctantly stand tall
so hopeless yet strong,
So, build the wall
separate us with glass,
but you know neither of us will last
separated by a wall of glass
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140,094 Literary Works • 672,998 Reviews
Hello hello it's Izzy here for a review!
It's been a week or two so bear with me XD
I like this very much, and the concept of a glass wall, and how strong it is, but can break, because it is glass. I feel like glass sometimes honestly.
I feel like you are building a wall, to seperate yourself from someone, and to protect yourself from the pain you may be feeling or could feel.
Overall, it is very good, but there are a few things you should redo. The flow could be better.
Keep writing!
Izzy <3
Hello, you've written a great poem here. I love the emotion in it, it's like I can feel it myself. It flows nicely, but maybe if there were certain words that were separated on to different lines or stanzas it could flow better. overall it's a great poem though, and I enjoyed reading it.
Good day my friend,
This is a lovely piece of work, i like your concept of a glass wall. I think your usage of the glass wall is interesting, because glass can be strong looking and end up fragile, or it can look shatter-able but be bullet proof. In fact, you even use the phrase, "Thick as bullet proof glass," which makes me view this intangible barrier as strong, but easily seen through or overlooked.
Now we shall delve into our constructive criticism.
The double use of the the word "in" throws off the flow of this poem. You could rephrase it as-
Given your consistent use of punctuation prior to this, the poem necessitates a period after 'died.'
i feel that the coma should be after tall, while there should be a period after strong.
For the most part, this work is great. Your flow has it's own jerky fluidness that works out well, your use of punctuation helps with the overall feel, and your subject is awesome.
Great job and keep on writing!