Young Writers Society

Hey there! It's ZeldaIsShiek here to review another quintessential piece of literature that made my day and win this Review Day by helping the Red Pandas stay in first place and reaching my goal of 80 reviews. I might even get to 100, if I work hard enough. I am really excited to review this amazing piece of art that you have created, and maybe add some witty humor as well. Anyway, that's enough idle chatter from me. Let's get into the review.

I understand the meaning behind this poem, and though I have had experience with this topic and have had friends that cut themselves, I am perfectly fine with reviewing your work. I liked how each line felt like a part of a process, and how you have to read the poem a few times to really understand what is happening.

Metal: A knife
Line: A cut that was caused by the knife
Blood beads: Blood rising from the cut that was caused by the knife
Breathe: Calm down
Repeat: Cut again

Do you see what I am saying? The entire poem feels like a process that you can't totally understand without reading tit multiple times. I really liked your poem, and I hope you write more like it soon. If this poem is a parody of real life, then I hope you find a better way to deal with your problems soon.

That's all for today. Keep writing amazing literature that inspires me to read and review them, and have a great Review Day! Let's beat the Blues once and for all!

~ZeldaIsShiek

Wow! I like the rhythm you set for this poem. I'm curious: was the line about monsters that mothers warn their children about a reference to Loki from Thor?

Funny, the poem itself almost looks like a drop of blood, the way it's shaped.

This made me think of a song called Little Girl by Faith Marie, with it's short sentences, but deep meanings.

Thanks for sharing this lamentation concerning your own existence. The misery felt is very effectively conveyed in the expressions used. There is no shred of hope mentioned that would mar the bitterness intended. No bright light is allowed into the dismal darkness lest it fatally weaken the somber mood. Mothers warn their children to give you a wide berth. You say that you are the Devil that was ousted from heaven in case there might be any slight doubt about your pernicious personality. But it wasn't always so we are told since once you were human. What exactly caused the transformation from human into a monster we aren't told but it must have been traumatic. Sometimes the inhumanity of other humans can definitely have that effect and humans can be inhumane in many diverse ways. I personally met someone who claimed that painful experiences had caused such a transformation. The person would boast about being evil and even once advised me to try to be evil instead of good. Conversely there are those who undergo deep suffering under persecutions and aren't affected in that way. So it all depends on who is involved.

Hello, E.E here for a possibly quick review and maybe some utter nonsense! Grim is here as well, drinking hot cocoa and being a slacker. *Grim looks over, glaring* So, lets get started.

So, to start off this review the first thing I noticed is that well, heres the cinch. Nothing. BUT I HAVE SAID IT BEFORE AND I WILL SAId IT AGAIN, IF. YOU. ARE. NOT. PUTTING. IN. GRAMMAR. PUT. IT. IN. AN. AUTHORS. NOTE. PLEASE. IT. WILL. SAVE. US. REVIEWERS. TIME. Thank you and moving on.

So, the meaning of the poem. What you are trying to tell us, the readers, is that you are suffering. You feel unloved and maybe, the monster is returning. That monster being depression. You feel like no one wants to know you and that all you are is something for them to look at, to poke and prode. No?

Overall, I liked the poem and keep up the good work! So, happy Valentines Day ! I really need to go now, Grim has souls to reap and he needs more cocoa. He has a problem, seriously. Annnd I think he brought a dinosaur to life. Great. Anyways, Cheerio and fruit loops to you!

Hiya! Temptress here!

So, the first thing that came to my mind when I read this was "Self Harm" especially after I read the words "Metal," "Line," And "Blood beads" I really am truly sorry that you feel this way. I like the way you used the terms "Monster" And "Angel" I feel like these words worked very well with the poem because as humans we often feel like a monster or fallen angel whenever we do something bad, such as self harm. Now this may not be the way you meant it to be but that's how I take it.

The words "Cry," "Shake," and "Numbness" Also stuck out to me. Because whenever we feel like this, our emotions tend to get to us. We cry. We shake. We often feel numb. Hence why one may self harm. To get any type of feeling they can. Even if it is Pain.

The line "I am the monster that mothers warn their children about" Hit me hard. I feel like a lot of mothers, even a lot of adults, warn their children about people who are depressed and suicidal. Almost as if they thick it's a deadly, contagious illness.

Over all I think the poem was very well written. I can relate to it very well. If you ever need to talk let me know.

Until next time!

~Temptress~

Hiya! Space here for a review!

I really like the style of the poem--how most lines aren't even two words, making it short, but each word means something different and has a certain impact on the reader (ex: "metal, line, blood beads, breathe, repeat".These lines obviously mean self-harm, which the reader got in only six words.) This is a really good trait to have when writing--being able to explain a large range of emotions with barely any words.
This poem does have a very dark topic, and a very worrisome topic as well. I'm sorry that you're feeling this way, it really sucks. I know we don't really know each other (at all) but if you don't have anyone to talk to, you can talk to me. I'm always open to helping people and making new friends. ^^

Overall, I really like this poem. You certainly have talent, that's for sure. Good job!

-Space the Snickerdoodle

PS Can I just say, your profile pic is great. XD

Legacy here for a review.

I am so sorry that you feel this way, if you need someone to talk to please message me (I will message asap).

I was able to see the emotion that you were trying to express without you having to straight out saying what emotion you were trying to show. The way you wrote about this topic is beautiful. If you do feel this way, please find someone to talk to, either online or in real life.

I have no negative things to say about this. The rhyming at the end helps bring it all together and it doesn't matter if you were trying to rhyme or not.

That's all I have to say about this, Legacy out.