Life isn't what is seems
Don't grow up if you can avoid it
It's not what you think
You question everything left and right
There's hundreds a sleepless night
Stress is everywhere, so is doubt
Life is so unfair
....
If you don't believe me,
Check the news, you'll believe me then
Check the bank, you'll see what I mean
Welcome to Reality
....
Life is painted by so many colors
But it's all just a façade to tempt
It's a gorgeous woman who masks her ugly face
Life is full of lies. Warning: Do not attempt
....
Read all fairytales
In years it'll all be stale
Dream while you can
In reality it's almost banned
....
Reality is a wreck
Don't fall for it's lying routine
After all I've seen, I know
Just trust me
Run really far; please just go
....
Reality isn't worth it
It's a monster, don't come close
Or you'll be bit
.....
My friend, now you see
Welcome, this fiend Reality
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140,094 Literary Works • 672,998 Reviews
Written really well; gives a dark, deep perspective on life. I'm sorry you're in so much pain
but I can definitely relate to every word! Good luck and write on!
Thank you. I am glad that you see how I felt, but I am sorry that you can relate
. Write on, my friend!
Hey, yo, CateRose17! Strange here on this somewhat mediocre Tuesday and I have a review for you!
Alright. To sum up my main problem with this poem, I'd like to quote the other reviewer, Remington38:
No disrespect to that reviewer at all. However, it's obvious them and I read different poetry. This is such a common topic, something written about so much. Poets like to comment on how "reality is bad, life is terrible, the real world is goddamn awful", any and all variations of that. I can't give you any flack, because it's a hard subject matter to do anything with. Chances are, in 99% of the cases, the narrator of the poem comes off as whiney and fail to realize that they're part of the ugly reality.
Sorry about the bluntness of that last line. Let's jump in, shall we?
*Life isn't what IT seems.
The second line befuddles me. I have no idea what you mean by it. My only (sarcastic) assumption would be that you're alluding to suicide being the right answer. Perhaps clarify this?
*There's hundreds of sleepless nights.
There are two specific problems that are highlighted in this stanza. One is the fact that you have no punctuation at all. The problem isn't with the flow, it's with the lack thereof. I respect stylistic choices, but this doesn't connect together like a poem should. It's like you're only saying small phrases and stacking them on top of each other, no real connection at all.
Secondly is the way you talk about how "messed up" reality is. We are part of the problem, everyone is. The narrator is no exclusion at all. These poems give off a sense of entitlement that could turn off reviewers/readers. This is no different at all, sadly. Going off that exact point, modern reality (the last fifty years) has been the least dangerous part of time in the history of the world. What I'm saying is that society is only getting progressively safer, along with reality. We just have higher standards. If you'd like to learn more about that, please check out this wonderful TEDX talk done by Steve Pinker.
"life is only hard because you put it on yourself" I could say and I will say.
What exactly is that facade tempting us to do? You don't clarify the reason why reality is bad, instead you only give us vague phrases that confuses the reader. The last one, especially, confused me. What shouldn't we attempt? It sounds like you are only saying that to rhyme with tempt.
It depends on what you're dreaming about. If you're dreaming about making the United States into a social darwinist Jim Crow-era government, then yeah, there's a reason why your dreams are banned. Once again, this is another faux poetic line. It means nothing to me, and when I try to interpret it, it still means nothing.
I'm going to bring back that suicide bit I brought up early. Is that what you're suggesting?
4/10
To sum up my thoughts in a quick paragraph, this could use some work. It's not because I already don't like the subject matter, but because the delivery failed to bring anything new. A lot of the "deep" lines fall flat and there's no need to dig deeper to know that it's only the surface and that's it. Let me know if I got anything wrong.
Keep writing and stay groovy!
Thank you for your review! I'm going to skip straight towards the suicide subject. That is definitely not what I mean by it at all, it was just late when I wrote this and when it's late, I don't realize what I'm writing. Thank you for being honest with me, it means a lot.
This is a masterpiece. The use of dots to break up sections really emphasizes the work. The content and perspective itself is unique. Your use of well known phrases, ideas, and metaphors work well with the theme. The structure is also very interesting. My only suggestions would be to rework the closing lines. They seem to have a strange fit. Try to rephrase "In reality it's almost banned" to have more force to it. For example "In reality, they're as good as banned" or something along those lines. I would also recommend expanding the second to last stanza. I feel like it needs more. This was a strong poem! Keep writing!
I always thought that that line was weird. Thank you for your suggestion! Thank you for reading
I liked how you portrayed the sense of reality in a different way than most people would think. How you showed that reality is really dark and demented, and that life in itself is full of lies. I really liked this new concept, I have never really read something where they described it in this way. You did a really good job at this poem. I also really liked how you included how you need to dream while you can (implying that dreams and fiction is usually better than our everyday wakeup call). Keep on writing things like this, I'll be sure to read some of your other work as well, to get a better sense at what exactly your writing style is. As always, never stop writing, and continue being very poetic.
Life is definitely full of lies, but I believe it is up to us to shine the light of truth through our writing imaginations. Thank you for your review.
Remington38 here for a reveiw!
I really enjoyed reading this and am glad somebody finally wrote on this topic. Wow this is filled with truths that needed to be pointed out. It was written really well and I really liked it. My favorite part is where it tells the reader to look at the news and the bank for examples of reality. Which amazes me even more is how you write this and even with it rhyming the message stay strong. Written really well!
Aww thank you! It means a lot.