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Stuck in a No Man's Land Between Two Souls

by CateRose17


I stand on a cliff called "No Man's Land", and an ocean on either side. The waves frothy, rough and majestic in their own right, they spray and lap at my feet. They frighten me. I could drown in these waters. I am cautious not to fall in.

I see a hand lift itself above the sea foam in the corner of my eye. I reach out a hand and grasp it, pulling. I catch the warm color of hazel brown, the eyes of my brother. He is terrified, screaming for me to rescue him. I grab his arm and begin to pull him to the sliver of shore-like cliff. "No Man's Land".  He thrashes about and I tell him to stay calm, he looks at me like I'm crazy. He screams that he gives up and begs me to let go, but I hold fast. I tell him no and begin to pull him up. My own strength is failing.

On my right, another hand appears above the choppy waters. I turn and my heart drops as I recognize the metallic blue eyes of my Best Friend. I reach a hand to him and he grips it strongly, determined not to succumb to the rapids.  His eyes are calm, but I see fear. His fingers press into my wrist, separating bone. With all my strength, I pull and strain on both to pull them up. I look forward and realize an abyss looms before me, separating both oceans.

I cannot fall. I cannot fall, I must be strong...for them

I groan inwardly and my body burns underneath the weight of the two souls I love the most. I hold to them...desperately I hold. I turn to the brown eyes that bore into me, he screams for me to help, but every time I try, he kicks away back into the killer swirls. He begs me to bring him in but how can I when he pulls away?

I look toward the gigantic hand that engulfs mine on my right. My best friend pleads for me to bring him in and I try. Slowly, as if by some supernatural force, his free fingertips brush the barren rock on which I stand. 

He is going to make it!

I feel myself stumble to the left as my brother pulls on me. He is frantic, mad. I am afraid, terrified. I turn swiftly upon my knees and come to a conclusion: he doesn't want out...but wants me in. My grip only tightens on both souls as  my shoulders scream in pain. The continuous beating of the waves make me grow deaf, at the same time they drown out the screams I let loose from my own parched lips. "GOD, PLEASE HELP ME!" I pray as I struggle.

The abyss looms before me, dark, deep and quiet. A quiet my eyes long for. I am pulled to and fro. Tears come to my eyes as I realize that to save one I mus let go of another. I want them both, I love them both. I shut my eyes as tears drip onto the rocky cliff called No Man's Land. Their hands cling to dear life within my grasp. My Best Friend has not uttered a cry, but is determined to stay above the waves. He is a fighter. I love that.

The waves are completely white now, roaring assassins that tend to claim the weak as their own. They lap at my bruised knees as I kneel on the ever sharpening rocks. They pierce me through and cut as I scream in agony. But my screams do not match the ones erupting from my brother's mouth. I just hold to his hand now. I have tried to help, but have failed. He is going mad, pulling me along into his insanity and terrifying stormy rapids. He pulls me down, my elbow in the rough water and I scream, struggling to get back on my feet. My best friend hears my cries in his own storm and yanks me back into place. I look at him and the blue eyes tell me it'll  be alright. Again, I pull him, his arm reaches out  and grabs the ledge. His hand is coloring red, cut by the sharp rocks. He is hurt, but he is... he is safe.  I look up and see that there is no sky. Just fire, ice and scarlet. That is how I feel as my brother pulls me down: angered, numb and wounded. 

The abyss calls out to me and I yearn for it. For the first time-it seems- in eternity, I want to let go of those brown eyes that grow grayer by the second. It's not him anymore. It's just not... not him...

My thoughts run rampant between Abyss and Brother. I can't even call him that now, more like wannabe lunatic. I scream at him to stop and come to me, but he laughs coldly, choking on seawater. My best friend is watching us...Brother wants me with him but I don't want to drown. He is yanking me and I can't move. I grow weak and I yell, pulling away from him and blindly run forward, best friend in hand. I don't want to drown in all of Brother's anger, condemnation and self pity. 

There is no ground under me if I go farther. I can't go back, the waves are coming over No Man's Land like a lion catapulting himself over a fallen Acacia tree. I take a chance.

I jump.

And in the quiet, there is a voice.

I have you, Little One.


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66 Reviews


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Reviews: 66

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Thu Dec 29, 2016 10:04 pm
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iamanaspiringwriter wrote a review...



Hi CateRose17, I really enjoyed your short story. I really enjoyed the fact that this was such an original concept, I have never really read anything that expresses the main idea of this story like this. The descriptions were so vivid, at one point I realized my mind was completely lost in the story. I was completely immersed in the world that you had set up. I didn't notice any spelling or grammatical errors. The only thing, and this is probably only a personal thing, is the sentence where you say "wannabe lunatic". For some odd reason the use of the word wannabe didn't sit well with me, it felt out of place and more casual than the rest of the story. That's really the only thing I can say, though. This story was absolutely amazing, I would love to see more from you! You are a great writer!!!




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Thu Dec 29, 2016 6:28 am
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thanataphobic wrote a review...



Hey there, Thanataphobic here for a review!
... Wow.
Honestly, that was one of the most entrancing things I have ever read. Since I can't manage to find any negatives, here are some of my favourite lines:
"I can't go back, the waves are coming over No Man's Land like a lion catapulting himself over a fallen Acacia tree."
This was an excellent metaphor, seeing as lions are known for being powerful and formidable, just like the waves. Although, I'm a little confused as to why it was specifically an acacia tree.

"Just fire, ice and scarlet. That is how I feel as my brother pulls me down: angered, numb and wounded."
'Angered', 'numb' and 'wounded' all seem to contradict each other, and because of that the readers feel confused and torn between the three feelings. By doing that, it places the readers directly into the shoes of the narrator.

"I jump.

And in the quiet, there is a voice.

I have you, Little One."
These three lines just - wow. They were short but full of power, ending the story with perfection.

So all in all, an absolutely incredible story. You have true, raw talent and I definitely want to read more works by you.
Hope you have an amazing day/night!




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Thu Dec 22, 2016 12:38 am
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DestielAndGamTav wrote a review...



First off, this is a beautifully written piece. Your use of personification, metaphor, simile, and many other forms of literary effects was well-executed and appropriate, seldom seen anymore. You had amazing grammar, and all of your sentences ran smoothly. It made me think and imagine things about my own life, and not many short stories have the power to do that. I wouldn't change anything, I really think it's great! Please write more like it, I'd definitely read them. ^w^




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126 Reviews


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Sat Dec 10, 2016 6:27 pm
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Aleta says...



I like this, a lot. I imagined it the entire time I was reading it. The beginning of this work already had me using imagery.





You're given the form, but you have to write the sonnet yourself. What you say is completely up to you.
— Madeleine L'Engle, A Wrinkle in Time