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Young Writers Society


16+ Mature Content

Save Myself

by CateRose17


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.

My face never falters whenever I'm sitting next to some one dealing with depression, or PTSD. My face is calm, soothing and reassuring. My voice doesn't break whenever I tell them that I'll see them next week, same time, same place. My hand doesn't shake when I write down their prescription for anxiety medicine or antidepressants. My arms don't tense whenever I embrace my patients while they pour their heart out to me. I am a perfectly normal man, in his thirties; married to a beautiful girl. I'm sane; normal. I drive out to Patient's houses whenever a worried spouse, wary friend or terrified parent calls me because their loved one is talking out of their head. How many suicides have I stopped? Too many to count. There's success stories on the walls in my office, my desk covered in children's books, a Bible and sample bottles of Xanax. Day after day, I talk people back into a reality that saves them. Help them see the color in a world that doesn't do anything but hurt them. In the end they either thank me, or I get a call from a colleague at 2 o' clock in the morning, the drained and tired voice telling me that one of my patients was rushed to the hospital with a suicide note clutched in her hand.



People ask me how I don't get attached or emotional with my job. I shrug it off saying I don't have feelings, just training. In other words, I'm lying. They see my job as a heroic act. When they tell me that I just shake my head. "No." I tell them," I just do it." I save people. It's what I do. They applaud me for it. They think it's so great. What they don't see though is the late nights at a bar where I waste away the hours of work I had spent in constant agony of not knowing if I'd see that patient again. I drown it with a drink or two, then I'm on the way home to a bed where I still feel lonely. What my wife doesn't see is the fake love I get from women that are not her, in hopes to learn how to be human again. What my colleagues and boss don't see is that I numb the fear and pain with out of date prescription pills. What my mother doesn't see are the scars on my arms in hopes of being able to feel again. What my college professors didn't see is the desire to help others so I could feel like I'm at least more than a grade on a test or the degree that hangs askew against the white wall in that small office. What my father doesn't see is that I'm standing between the devil and danger of falling completely over the edge. What they never heard is the cry for help that I screamed throughout college and highschool. I gave everything I had, just to make the world a better place. I tried... so, so hard. But I guess it's all for nothing.



My job is to take away pain, but what to do with that pain? I put it on myself. So much that so that now, I go home to a dark house, divorce papers strewn over the wood floors of the living room. What they won't see are the tears that I shed on the couch after downing alcohol and pills. I give all myself away so I can see one person give a weak smile to a pair of relieved parents who kiss his scars. My job is to save people from themselves. To save them from what they were, to help them become the person they were meant to be. Help them get past the sexual abuse of a relationship or a divorce, or a child forget the fact that their parents were murdered in a shooting. What my patients don't see is that I'm just like them, I just have the white coat on. I sit there with them, just to save myself.


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7 Reviews


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Reviews: 7

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Sun Apr 30, 2017 11:36 am
ashotto wrote a review...



Hey CateRose17, it's ashotto :)
I loved this piece. One of my favourite things was the connection to Ed Sheeran's song (I LOVE this song), and the way you incorporated small bits of the lyrics into it was very well done. On top of that, it was really well written. You gave just enough descriptions without dragging it on, kept your sentences long enough to have impact and you paced the story nicely. Well done. I have very little criticism about this story - perhaps try to use more varied punctuation? Put in a semi colon a few times or something? Though the piece was great without, perhaps it's something to expand on.
Keep writing.
~Ash




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105 Reviews


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Fri Apr 07, 2017 3:16 pm
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OreosAreLife wrote a review...



Hey CateRose17 it's OreosAreLife here for a review!
So it's been awhile since I reviewed anything so I'm a little rusty. Here we go! I loved your title it really drew me in. And the short story itself blew me away. I didn't want it to ever end. The emotion and description you put in this was extraordinary. I really liked it and I really hope you do something like this again! I loved how instead of the main character being the patient you made it the person who helps them. It really went well for this one. I loved how you described what he went though and how in the end he was just like them, he was saving them, yet they were also saving him. I saw no grammar errors in this so that is great! Great job on that!

Overall, you did a really great job writing this! Keep writing and I hope to read more of your work in the future!

OreosAreLife :)




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Mon Apr 03, 2017 2:44 am
Atticus wrote a review...



Hey there CateRose17,

Great job on this! There was clear emotion and thought put into this piece, which made it a very good read. Not only was it well-written, but I retread it several times just because it was enjoyable. With all that said, some of my thoughts:

Overall plot/characters- This was a great progression of how the MC might appear to the outside eye to how he actually is alone. It shows the hidden struggles of someone who, ironically, works with others to help uncover their struggles. It shows the brokenness of everyone, even those who appear to have the ideal life. Great job descriptionwise- I understood exactly what you were trying to say about rhe MC and the plot flowed well.

Grammar/Writing- This is probably the biggest area of possible improvement. In the first paragraph, there wasn't much variety in the sentence structure and there was incorrect usage of semicolons. I would suggest you both add some different sentence structures for variety and look up some articles on when to use semicolons versus when to use commas.

Descriptions and Dialogue- There was no dialogue, but the narrative was written well so it didn't seem like a boring monologue. As far as descriptions, like I said earlier, there's really nothing I could suggest to improve.

Flow and Movement- The flow was overall good, but there were some choppy sentences strewn throughout the paragraphs that interrupted the flow. Again, editing those sentences and changing those sentences up would help that and besides that, the progression of the story flowed well and was very understandable.

Great job on this! Hope my suggestions were helpful, and you can always PM me if you have any questions.

Best wishes,
MJ




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Mon Apr 03, 2017 12:13 am
Lauren2010 wrote a review...



Hi CateRose17!

This was based on a song, right? Man, I miss the days of writing stories based on songs. I don't know when in my writing life I stopped doing that, but music has always been a great story inspiration for me. I'm glad you've found that too, with this song at least!

I think you have a really fabulous start to something here. It definitely feels like a story based on something else, which is to say this definitely still feels like a draft. Which is fantastic! My favorite place to be with something is when it feels like a draft. You have something on the page to work with, but you still have a whole journey left of crafting it to perfection. So while this feels like a storification (a word? no. Oh well) of a song, you have all of the stepping stones to a really wonderful full story.

As I see it, each paragraph you have would encompass a really excellent scene. A 3 act structure is also one of the most common and useful story structures (and structure is so haaard), and you have basically written yourself a great outline:

Paragraph/scene one: the MC is experiencing an average day at work. Maybe they see one specific client, maybe it's the first time a new client is in and he's introducing himself/showing himself off. Maybe it's a repeat client. Whatever it is, something about this visit makes him think about his qualifications as a doctor. Perhaps there's room for a flashback where he remembers being called into the hospital for a patient who had a setback. Maybe that was last night. Maybe it was last month.

Paragraph/scene two: feeling rundown, the MC stops at a bar on his way home. Maybe just sits there and has a drink and thinks about something that happened (perhaps still hung up on the latest visit to the hospital? maybe something weird happened in one of his therapy sessions that day? maybe it was just normal and that's part of the problem). We get the sense, somehow, that the do-good hero doctor has his own problems too. Maybe he's having a conversation with a stranger about his job, and the stranger compliments him. Maybe he tells the stranger about how he struggled in college with parts of the degree. Maybe the stranger sees the scars on his arms. Maybe he tells the truth about them, or maybe he lies.

Paragraph/scene three: the illusion of the happy hero doctor is completely shattered when the MC arrives home to the divorce papers strewn over the living room floors (amazing image omg) and resigns himself to sleeping pills on the couch again, prepared to put on his white coat and do it all again the next day anyway. Something about the promise of continuing his routine, however difficult, is what makes him able to get up and go again each morning.

I dropped a lot of suggestions there, none of which you are obligated to take! Reading this story, though, I just felt the edges of those three scenes starting to come out. And I am HUGE about scene in fiction, so I have a bit of bias there. But the shattering image of this man, this doctor, you have already begun is so beautiful I think it would be made even stronger by the introduction of scene. So I hope you'll at least sit down and consider how you might best like to see those three sections, those three moments played out in that format.

Absolutely lovely story. Thanks so much for sharing!

Keep writing!

--Lauren




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Sun Apr 02, 2017 12:11 am
2001cvs wrote a review...



Alright, review time.

First paragraph: a lot of sentences are started with the word "I" it makes it sound choppy, try to start different sentences with different words, make them different lengths.

Second paragraph: The sentences are formed better, and with more variety. No huge change needed

Third parapgraph: love that last sentence, jt tied the whole story together nicely.

Overall: I thought it was great overall, well written, and thought out. I'd just say that the whole story is written in paragraphs. Those are big chunks of words, and readers can get discouraged when they see that and try to start reading. I found that because it was written like that, I was getting confused and having to reread some of the sentences. It became aware to me that I wasn't becuase of poor writing, it was because of the huge chunks of words.
My suggestion is to break up the paragraphs. Make it into 8 or 9 paragraphs, that's a lot less to get confused in.

Hope this helps, I really did love your story, sorry if I sounded a little to brutally honest, but that's my advice. Take it or leave it :)

I love you work, keep writing!

-Caroline





Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
— George Burns