HOME
out on the highway, out in the night
you can see the bright headlights
of that black 67' chevy,
drivin' out of sight
that car, no one knows
is two brothers home
in that black 67'chevy,
memories are shown
the legos in the vents
still rattle, and the dents
on that black 67' chevy
from random accidents
that army man stuck on the door
protects the brothers more
in that black 67' chevy
when they sleep in that car
that car they call home
because any other place is unknown
in that black 67' chevy
in their little home.
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137,490 Literary Works • 672,037 Reviews
I really liked your poem . It gave me the spooks . What I felt while reading was that you have got an issue with your punctuation . You need to use capitalization a little more often . It will draw attention to the important stuff . Next , consider dividing poems that to tell a story into paragraphs . They assist the reader in understanding better .
Cheers !!
Hi Harry here for a review:
I love the show supernatural and this poem really sets the sign of the show, you really have a passion for what you write and that is really good to have. But there are a few things you need to fix. First punctuation is important and you got that right, maybe practice making your words rhyme a little better. Like home is important but you need to find something that tells the reader why the black 67' Chevy is there home. and what happened to their own home? some people don't watch the show and would be confused about that part. This part I love: in that black 67'chevy,
memories are shown
the legos in the vents
still rattle, and the dents
on that black 67' chevy
from random accidents
that army man stuck on the door
protects the brothers more; this shows the detail in the car that even I haven't seen. And I am a supernatural fanatic. Most poems don't add detail to the object and the few that have became famous. You could be the next shake spear. Keep up the good work with the detail. and also you say the two brothers but don't give a name, again not everyone watches the show and I would have given the name of the Winchester boys. But other than that good job and sorry if I was to harsh. Happy Writing:)
Hello there! I'm going to start off by asking why it's placed in the "supernatural" section. The poem was good. I don't have any family members that love cars that much but I've seem people that do and they pretty much live in their cars 24/7. Again I enjoyed it but let's get into it.
1st: No periods, no semicolons. It didn't really catch my eye. No capitalization. Look in a grammar text book and you'll find that it says to capitalize the first word in every stanza.
2nd: In the 7th stanza you forgot to put a space between "67'" and "chevy".
3rd: I don't quite understand the army man stuck in the door. Is it a toy that got infused into the car door?
I don't have any other comments just make sure you: capitalize the first word in every stanza, put in some punctuation, and overall make it look like you put some effort into it.
Hope this helped! Keep writing and never get discouraged!
~Keepwriting
Hey there Castiel. Good morning or day wherever you are. It's just lizzy, a fellow fan, stopping by for a quick review. So without further ado, let the reviewing begin.
-First off, nice choice of username and topic for your piece of poetry. When I saw the title "Home" I probably would not have checked it out accept for the comment line. I would hope that someone who does not understand the references tries to review this because it would simply make no sense. Now let me get on to my actual review.
Grammar and Spelling
-This was not necessarily a mistake, but to me it interrupted the flow and feel of the poem. The period at the end sorta of makes everything stop to fast. I can see how grammatically it might have been necessary. Keep it if you like. Just as a reader I thought it was unnecessary and took something away from the poem.
-This was just something I noticed. After the first two Chevys you put commas but not after the others. Wouldn't it be better to put commas there too because they split the poem equally where you have no other commas.
Story and Plot
-I really liked your poem all the way through and how you used the Impala as the center point of explaining things. I must admit I was tempted to cry as read through.
-I like how you kept repeating home to remind mind is what the center of the poem was about.
Praise and Other Comments but Mostly Praise
-Best poem about Supernatural I have come across in awhile. Thanks for writing it and it was my pleasure to review.
-One more note. Would the placement in the Supernatural section, be considered a pun of sorts?
Well, that's about all I have for now. Have a nice day.
-lizzy
*Sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes. This review was typed on a mobile device that somewhat hates me.*