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Lucifer

by Castiel


Yore there was a seraphim

who spoke of man with blaspheme.

his fathers art did he resent

for his mind was full with malcontent.

he betook to father and  quoth, he said:

Father! Dissever there torsos from their heads!

But father gloated his little men 

and sent the angel into a pen-

a pen of fire, smoke and ash,

and thereat he was tortured, burned and thrashed. 

It was here- yes, here, the ghouls were wrought, 

but there souls were twisted and minds were rot. 

They poisoned the skies and the world above, 

their hearts filled with greed, and barren of love. 

Soon the angels life became lore, 

passed on for centuries, but nevermore.

For the ghoul dubbed Lilith, soon was raised,

tattered and battered, her intentions unscathed.

She went to the convent, and yes- it was here, 

that she slit their throats, from ear to ear. 

With the blood on the wall the token she drew, 

an upside down cross, with a pentagram too.

The ground shook, and the heavens quaked, 

for out of the ground came a black snake.

The snake stood up and turned into a man, 

and with one brisk move, people turned and ran.

The snake quoth cunningly; "you shall suffer, 

for you are just men, and I am Lucifer."


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11 Reviews


Points: 698
Reviews: 11

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Sat Jan 24, 2015 7:07 pm
Angel666 wrote a review...



Hey again !

I read your supernatural poem earlier and thought that was amazing , so i decided to have a read of some of your other works. The only problem i have with this poem is the lack of capital letters (Not to sound mean or anything , im just extremely picky about capital letters). I found the choice of words used in this poem with interesting and drawled people in more to the poem.

Hope my feedback helps!
Till next time .
-Angel ^--^




Castiel says...


thank you! :3



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36 Reviews


Points: 475
Reviews: 36

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Sun Nov 30, 2014 6:50 pm
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carmenbluestar wrote a review...



Awesome this was great, your imagery and imagination plus the format are all superb. Everything fits together so well (time to celebrate!).
I have no corrections for you the word choice and rhythm work so well, plus Supernatural just deserves even more browny points and praise.
That ending was great there was just so much impact and rage from that last quote, it really showed a build up through the entire poem which is why it was my favourite part by far.

Happy review day and stay awesome!
-Carmenblue :)




Castiel says...


Thank you!



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23 Reviews


Points: 951
Reviews: 23

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Sat Nov 29, 2014 7:29 am
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67DemonSlayer wrote a review...



Hey there Castiel dropping off a review.
I love this poem it's SUPERNATURAL! I love anything supernatural thus the reason for the name haha. So i must say that I really like the wording in this poem and I really like the concept. So I don't nitpick on small things however I do not see anything wrong with this piece. Keep writing my friend I hope to see more from you! Have a great day and good luck on the future things that you write. :)




Castiel says...


Thanks!!!!!



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Points: 3012
Reviews: 23

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Sat Nov 29, 2014 6:54 am
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JohannaPomeray wrote a review...



This is fan-freaking-tastic. The archaic language is perfectly suited to this subject matter. The meter makes the piece sound like a fairy story ( it is! ) and that only enhances the sort of bardic nature of the poem. Also, good on you for making something this beautiful out of being a Supernatural fan <3 ! ( the farthest I got was designing an 'Ass-Butt' T-shirt :P ) I absolutely love this. My only criticism is that there are places where the language could be cleared up to make the lines fit the meter more. Like 'dissevered' could just be severed, or even just 'cut'. 'And Thereat' could just be 'where'. I like the lovely word choice but I think meter is more important here. Otherwise, I think you've got it. I think you should study up and write more about the demonic legends. There are a lot and they are SOOOOO interesting, and give you a lot of possibilities for poems. Have you read 'The Divine Comedy'? If not, you should check it out at some point. A bit heavy, but not too much, I think. A lot about the seven deadly sins that is great fun. ( Also, I would love to see you tackle the Four Horsemen. ) Keep on Keepin' it real, my friend!




Castiel says...


Thank you, and the horseman thing is a great idea! i definitely will sometime! Have a spectaculacular day!




It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.
— Mark Twain