Insanity

I dont often read poetry because i generally find it boring ....BUT in this case it was far from boring . I loved the way your went into so much detail and used metaphors . This is work of like a famous poet , you should be proud of it . Its amazing and i cant think of any way to improve it ! .
Hope you liked the feedback.
-Angel ^--^

...
I...
Am...
Speechless...


EXCEPT FOR THE WORDS IN THIS REVIEW!

HELLO!!! EMERALD IS HERE FOR DA REVIEWS!
First off I just want to say, I don't read poetry often, and when I do, I find a small gem like this one, AND i most likely start to follow the user like a stalker, never mind that, I guess i'm juts trying to point out I REALLY love this poem...

I just LOVE the last couple lines! How you describe the blood and how people cost your sanity, I just LOVE it!

Sadly... I have to pick out one nitpick that is major to me... The I's... Aren't... Capitalized...

One is in the line "i can sense it, in my future and past;"
And also one in the one right under that line... i'm...

I usually don't point at nitpicks because I'm afraid I might hurt someones feelings but I guess I must point them out so people can improve, Don't worry, we all make mistakes.
Well, other then that I think the story is just fine! I hope to see more from you soon!




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It's certainly a chilling poem, but I don't think insanity should be the title because it seems to be focused more on suicide (yes, I read the description, it's only my opinion) than madness. I t also might be placed under the "Romance" section, since that seems more significant than realisticness. (I know that's not a word, don't judge me.) Overall though, I'd say you did a pretty good job with this poem, Castiel! Happy Writing!!

Hi Castiel, I'm here with a review for your poem!
I will start out by saying I don't always enjoy reading poems, but I did enjoy this one. Great work. I especially liked the part where you said,
"Your words were the knife, that drove me insane."
The part that you could work on is :
"You handed me a weapon, you didn't think I'd go through with it..."
It's a bit too many words. Maybe cut it down some, or use words that show what you want in a shorter way.
I also liked how you used this as a metaphor. It gives off a fantastic picture.
Last, but not least... I loved the end.
"Next time, don't spill out your inhumanity; for you critical actions cost me my sanity!" Awesome!!

-B

Hello, I'm here to review your poem.

You use mind swirling imagery to describe the groaning insanity and hatred that spouts within humanity. Phrases like:goes the blood like the rain or Your words were the knife that drove me insane. Compel the reader as they thing about the sadness of humanity slowly getting harsher and harsher. By using an extended metaphor, you make the poem more meaningful and interesting as they are set on a goal to discover the meanings of each line. By using words like blood and screaming, you create an erie and strange atmosphere for the poem making it all around quite disturbing.

Nitpicks
1.A few half rhymes in there but that's ok.
2.i can sense it, in my future and past-The 'i' should be capitalised. Which is the same case for the 'i'm' on the next line, outlast in outlast the tremble, although in although my body and you in you handed me a weapon.

If you look at these mistakes it will make the poem neater and correct.

Overall I really liked this poem and the hidden message that lies behind it. Keep writing ^-^

That's all from me,
Godly

Props to you for thinking metaphorically about what message you want to share with the world, Castiel. The fact you are experimenting with themes to be addressed non-directly is something always to be applauded for. However, revealing your intention behind the work in such a non-organic way and so early when showing this to the public eye is something I'd try to avoid next time. By revealing your true intention behind the poetry, the reader is slated with your official reasoning behind it rather than developing their own. This is probably all in all a minor point of gripe that doesn't necessarily have to do with your work itself, but I felt the need to mention it.

In terms of you're a actual work, I felt your greatest strength was in the atmosphere you projected. Your choice of words and phrases definitely had a spooky/eerie feeling towards it. While the poem itself wasn't ripe with it, it still permeated throughout the stanzas. It was a very loose feeling poem, both grammatically and verse wise. There are multiple instances of lack of capitalization or punctuate in terms of words such as "its". With this being poetry, bending the rules of grammar is inherently a bad choice, I just feel it didn't particularly work with this poem. It would be more suitable in areas involving something along the lines of stream of consciousness as opposed to this horror-esque poem.

Another flaw I could notice was the rather simple rhymes. Now this obviously is entirely subjective in my opinion, but I felt as if the rhymes were relatively elementary in execution. There were also instances of you rhyming a word with itself, such as "it". While this isn't the worst sin, it certainly didn't do you any favors and kind of took away chances for adding cohesion to the poem.

Overall, I feel if you hone down on some more technical aspects in your writing, you can create something that might even feel Lovecraftian. With a greater focus on cohesion and addition of atmosphere you can aim for something that will linger in the reader's mind.

My blood represents the humanity, the sanity let inside me. not actual blood. Just FYI. This is not a suicide poem. Its a metaphor. kaythanksbyeguys.
over and out.
~castiel, angel of the lord