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Hatshepsut: the Forgotten Pharaoh (Chapter 4)

by CarolineB17

Published June 5, 2014

E - Everyone

In Poetry

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Chapter 4: The Expedition Begins

I awoke the next morning to find Charmian pouring water for my bath, and I could smell the sweet aroma of the blue lotuses, which grow along the Nile. Slowly, I sat up and stretched. "Ahhhh, isn't it a lovely morning Charmian?," I asked with a smile.

"Indeed it is my queen," she replied," Are you ready for your bath?"

"Yes, thank you." I was beginning to undress out of my evening attire when I turned to Charmian and asked," What do you think of Senenmut?"

"Well," she said after a moment," it is not my place to say, but from what I can tell, he seems like he will prove to be a good influence on the princess."

"Thank you for your insight, you have always been a wise and faithful servant to me," I said.

As she began to scrub my back with good smelling perfumes she smiled and said, " You are too kind my queen."

After my refreshing bath, I made my way to Neferure's room, where I found her with Senenmut, already hard at work. "MOMMY!!," she squealed excitedly," come look at what Senenmut taught me!"

I walked over to where my daughter was. I looked down and I saw some very messy but somewhat decipherable hieroglyphics spelling out Neferure. "Oh sweetie, I'm so proud of you!"

"Thank you Mommy," she said proudly.

After a few moments, I said goodbye to Neferure, quickly gave a nod of approval to Senenmut, and exited the room. As I made my way to the throne room, a servant approached me. "Excuse me your highness, but my master, Hapuseneb, wishes to discuss an important matter of business with you," he reported, while bowing.

Hapuseneb was the High Priest of Amun, and a very important advisor.

When I arrived in the throne room, I clapped my hands," Guards! Prepare my chariot at once!," I commanded.

A few minutes passed, then one of the guards shuffled in," Your chariot is ready your highness," he announced loudly.

I stood up from the throne, which was covered in gold, ivory, and precious gems, and began to make my way down to the courtyard, where my chariot awaited. It also was covered in gold and other beautiful things, and when I ascended onto it , I must have looked like a magnificent, because upon this sight, the guards, servants, and everyone who was around, dropped whatever they possessed , got on their knees, and began to worship me. When I saw this, I smiled, stretched my arm back, cracked the whip, and rode off into the morning sun.

I ventured through the desert sands well past morning, I was deeply concerned about the urgent matter that was to be discussed. By late afternoon I had finally arrived at the temple of Amun in Karnak, where Hapunseneb was.

On my arrival, one of the temple guards ran out and took my horse.

"Be sure to get him plenty of water!," I barked.

"Yes your highness!," the guard replied.

As I made my way up the temple steps, I again wondered what the urgent business was. 'Is there a plague? Famine? War?,' I thought worriedly. When the guards opened the temples door, I immediately saw Hapunseneb sitting near the Alter of Amun. I rushed to his side."Hapunseneb!? What is it that is causing such great stress upon you?," I asked quickly.

He slowly began circling the alter, scuff. . . scuff. . .scuff, went his sandals on the stone floor. He turned to me, and in a clam voice asked," Have you thought of a plan to reunite Upper and Lower Egypt?"

"WHAT?!," I screamed at him," YOU SCARED ME HALF TO DEATH BECAUSE I THOUGHT THERE WAS SOMETHING AWFUL ABOUT TO HAPPEN! AND ALL YOU WANTED TO DISCUSS WAS REUNITING THE KINGDOMS!!"

I couldn't have been more angry with him, how dare scare me like that!

"Now Now," he replied," there is no need to be angry. I didn't purposely intend to upset you, and I apologize for causing you such grief, but in any instance I still think it is a good I idea. Reuniting the kingdoms, I mean."

"I don't have time for your silly ideas of war," I said icily," The kingdom is still mourning Thutmose II death, and I believe war is the last thing that Egypt needs right now!"

"But~"

"NO, and that is final," I said sternly as I began to exit the temple," Oh, and if you ever do this again. . . I will have your head."

" Yes my queen," he whimpered.

When I at last made it back to the palace, I went straight to my room and collapsed onto the bed. I sighed and thought," Hapunseneb does give me good idea. . . I need to give the people something to do, something that will benefit the country, and at the same time prove to Egypt that I am a strong and cunning leader, worthy of their worship. War is much to extreme, what could I do. . . AHA!! I could send out a trading expedition, it might give us powerful allies, as well as make us wealthy!! Its perfect!"

The next morning, I summoned Egypt's greatest traders, and sent each to a different nation surrounding the kingdom. And thus The Expedition Began.

Comments & reviews · 2
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Aravis10
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Aravis10 wrote a review Review · Jun 8, 2014

Aravis again! You might be getting tired of me. but I'm back! ;)
I really liked how you started this chapter! The smells of the flowers, the sound of water for her bath, the feeling of it being a perfect morning. Very relatable. At least the last part. I don't have slaves that pour my bath. Actually... I don't take baths. Now I'm getting distracted. Sorry about that.
Ok. About halfway through this, Hatshepsut thought that she looked like a god. How did she know that? No one can see themselves unless looing in a mirror. Which I have always wanted to do-see myself from the outside that is. Maybe she sees herself in a pool of water or someone tells her that she looks like a god? Just some suggestions.
Then, she gets seriously angry at this priest dude. She only starts getting worried on the steps to the temple. It would be better if she felt anxiety before she left and during her whole journey. That would better explain her outburst.
Lastly, read over your section again. There were some parts that I think you left out words in your hurry to type the story. That happens to me all the time!
Stick to it! I might try to review your next chapter tomorrow, but no promises. :)

fallenoutofgrace wrote a review Review · Jun 7, 2014

Alright so first off just re-read over to proof read; that's the only negative that I could find that you may have rushed and just added a letter or a vowel that didn't belong. Now onto the praise. I loved how you describe the teaching of the princess with the hydrographs. I thought it was really insightful and unique. I also enjoyed the scene with her racing to the temple and thinking of the worst. I really enjoyed the " all have your head" part because it showed the side of her that will not tolerate anything less that the best for her kingdom. Can't wait to hear about the trading expedtition Keep it up



Make sure you marry someone who laughs at the same things you do.
— Holden Caulfield