Make me a promise that no matter what happens
No matter the heartbreak
Do not let your feelings retaliate
Allow your mind be in charge, think with your mind
Process with your brain before you perform any physical action
Put yourself first but also remember that a tree
Does not make an island.
Be smart anyway
Friends may get you mad, they definitely will
Just be smart enough to know the friendships worth fighting for
Create an Island but try not to create one that will go extinct in an eye's blink.
You're the tree, your friends; the rays of sunlight and the healthy sufficient water. Choose the right sunshine and fetch from the right sea the water you need to develop that tree into an island.
In the end, just inhale the right air
Spiritually
Mentally
Emotionally and
Physically
Be Strong Anyway
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
First and foremost great title. As someone who has severe anxiety I hear that way too much. Especially if the struggle isn't physical. It makes me want to bang my head against a wall though.
"heartbreak. Do not let your feelings retaliate" Again great word play here. I like how you hooked me in.
"Create an Island but try not to create one that will go extinct in an eye's blink." As an introvert my apartment is my island, my safe space...and I literally hate leaving it for any reason. But ever since my meds started working and i'm getting healther...i found my tribe and I totally get this now.
it is a review.
wow! it is totally very encouraging words.it is very hard to find positive mind people now a days.everyone ready to find hole in others but no one try to hold light on your path. Honestly, I love your poetry. for God sake you wrote very much beautiful way to show the light in heart..god bless you..love your poem.and plzz keep writing
Hello there, and welcome to YWS!
I like the message of the poem. It's a pretty consistent and uplifting, advocating thinking for oneself, fighting for one's friends, and choosing one's battles. The second-person style is uncommon, but flows nicely in this piece, and adds to its overall motivational theme. The extended metaphor is unique, but conveyed exceptionally well. Here, the tree can easily symbolize a person, whereas the island itself stands for their friendships and relationships. There is a bit of an ambiguous syntax here, as you point out "that a tree/Does not make an island.", but later statements appear to corroborate the opposite - the tree, in essence, grows and develops islands. Of course, I understand that the lines mean different things, as the tree itself is not an island, but can help construct ones. Still, it can be confusing. Regardless, the inclusion of such elements as sunlight and water and air, all of which are essential to a tree, adds to the metaphor, emphasizing that one focus on choosing their battles and working to create a great group of friends by contemplation and finding what one likes, and what instrumentally composes them. Both of these can then allow one to connect with others, based on mutual interests, and form the bonds that make an island.
As a few other notes: "Process with your brain before you perform any physical action" is extremely stuffy compared to the surrounding lines, and messes with the tone. "Extinct in an eye's blink" is an internal rhyme, and isn't half bad, but just rolls off the tongue ever-so awkwardly, and is still inconsistent with the rest of the poem. The semicolon between "your friends" and the mentioning of sunlight and water is an odd break, especially after a comma just a short distance away. It might be better to say something like "You're the tree, and your friends"... etc. Otherwise, everything else is just semantics, and their stylistic nature means that there isn't much point for me to discuss them (though I'm still in the camp that says you don't need to capitalize every word, and commas should be scattered as though these were more like sentences). All in all, what a nice poem you have here; it's inspirational, bright, and well-written! Great job!
thanks you -(welcome to YWS).
I'll try and work on the punctuations and every other detail you stated..Thank you!..I appreciate.
Hello Carlymillie!
Firstly, I'd reconsider your punctuation and flow a bit. I feel as though some un-punctuated parts (like the list of commands) feel choppy and don't flow well because of the lack of punctuation. While I know that no punctuation is a stylistic choice, for this, I don't feel like it matches too much. Punctuation in Poetry is a good guide to punctuating poetry.
I honestly liked this part a lot. This is quite emotionally full and has a nice amount of imagery. This is going into prose-poem territory and it does feel strange to be sitting in a poem with shorter lines, so you might want to experiment with shortening lines or changing the rest of the poem to fit that style. A critique I have here is that the 1st sentence feels rather confusing (especially the semicolon), and the second feels too long for my taste.
I felt as though the first half of the poem and the last few lines of the poem felt a bit prosaic to me. I would have loved to see it reverberate from some lovely imagery. For example, your tree-and-island metaphor is a nice example of saying that you need help from close friends to become more fulfilled. I want to experience some concrete images in those lines.
I hope this helped~
Thanks so much, I actually didn't write this as a poem or something, I just wrote because I was bored. but I needed to post something on here, since I'm new, so I just thought why not?
But thanks for the corrections, I'll try to work on every thing you have pointed out..I'm a terrible writer believe me, still trying to gain my stance.