Dear dearer dearest
Soon we'd be nearest
And all of our troubles
Would be gone farthest
Sweet sweeter sweetest
You alone is thy truest
Our love untold so ardent
Our star it shines the brightest
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Canary word: Present
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First, thanks for sharing. The poem is a lover's observation or thoughts concerning his or her love who is at a distance at the time it is being written. The poem expresses a yearning for nearness to become a reality. This distance is described as trouble or troubling. The speaker has full trust in his love even though not present and describes it as truest.
Why the love is described as untold isn't explained. Perhaps it is a secretive love? Unlawful love? Many things can cause a love to be untold. So the reader's imagination is left to consider the possibilities.
The references to a star conveys the confidence that the love has a positive future. I like the way that dear and dearest and sweet and sweetest imply the differences between being near and being far from a loved one.
Suggestion:
The following was distracting because it is ungrammatical.
"You alone is thy truest"
The pronoun "you" and the verb of existence "is" don't mesh.
It literally means "You alone is your truest."
"You alone are the truest." is grammatical.
Hello, E.E here for a possibly quick review and maybe some utter nonsense! Grim is here as well, drinking hot cocoa and being a slacker. *Grim looks over, glaring* So, lets get started.
So, the first thing I noticed is that commas are missing. This may be a style choice but I will list them just in case it is not. These lines or stanzas would be "Dear dearer dearest" (commas are needed after each word for this line), "Soon we'd be nearest" ( a comma is also needed after the word soon), "Sweet sweeter sweetest" (Same deal as the first line), "You alone is thy truest", "Our love untold so ardent". Overall, I liked the poem and the way you worded it, it really blended well with the whole meaning. That is, if I get it right!
Now is when I dissect your poem and see if I can't get its meaning right! So, in your poem you are telling us, the reader, that this is about a long distance relationship, no? From reading the second line that is what the poem is screaming at me. If it is, I understand fully what this poem is talking about and how painful it can be. (I am currently in a long distance relationship). You are telling us that soon you two won't have to crave ones touch and you will one day buy a one way ticket. Long distance love is stronger then most. It is knowing some one, knowing their ins and outs, before knowing them physically. You get to learn about them. Its more then just physical connects, relationships are about so much more then that.
Overall, I loved the poem and keep up the good work! Happy Thanksgiving! I really need to go now Grim has souls to reap and he needs more cocoa. He has a problem, seriously. Cheerio and fruit loops to you!
yeah you got it B! And a happy Thanksgiving too.
No problem!
Hello there, Ghost here for a review.
Ghostie's very unreliable and terrifying, so don't take her seriously unless you want to.So let's begin, shall we?
First things first:
I love the title of this poem. It's what drew me to it. It was so soft in the mind and on the lips (I literally said it out loud XD) And when I started reading, I loved it even more.
I really enjoyed the well-executed ending words, which contributed to the name. There aren't many writers that can make words flow so flawlessly. Give yourself a pat on the back and then write another poem, because I need more, okay? Please.
I took this piece very inwardly and hold it dear, and probably will be repeating it as the day continues. It's very much like music, and extremely well written, and I cannot praise you enough!
Two teeny things are that although the poem is titled 'est, in the second to last line you say ardent. Though it is used well, it doesn't end in est, which throws the flow off for one moment, but it gets back on track with the last line (which I love, by the way, it's probably my favorite).
The other thing is that in another line (And all of our troubles) also steers the reader a bit off at one point. It seems to take too long to get back on track and it's a little wobbly once you get back onto the rhyme scheme.
This entire piece is absolutely breath-taking, and you get my ultimate stamp of approval.
I look forward to seeing much more of your marvelous work, and I hope my criticism doesn't scare you off!
Ghost
Thanks so much!! it's a 2 stanza poem, but I wasn't the one who posted, I sent to a friend to do it for me.. But he didn't divide it. "troubles" and "ardent" were used purposely in the 3rd line of each verse. Thank you for the review!! I am so grateful!
No problem!
Hello, Adrian here for a review
i think that this poem was extremely well written!
your flow was outstanding and i think you nailed!
i am going to assume that you did't use any form of punctuation on purpose considering that there's literally no punctuation at all haha.
now as for the message of this poem, it took me a couple of times reading over to finally get it for some reason, but when i finally DID get it, this instantly became one of my new favorite poems. i really love it!
i look forward to seeing more from you in the future
have an amazing day and MERRY CHRISTMAS 2ND!
>Adrian
Awww, thanks!! And yeah the no punctuation thing was on purpose. All the same I'm glad you liked it!