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E - Everyone

2015

by Carlymillie


My life spirals around a certain story

Where loneliness hinders every form of light

Hopelessly drowning in a world out of existence

Every shadow of my existence slowly leaving my physical form

Wounds become sore and sore

Eyes no different from a waterfall

Time evolves from seconds to milliseconds

My soul slowly succumbing to the call of darkness

The pain my heart holds, I can no longer concede

So hear me now dear doomsday!

You may have come with greater power

But my will is strong full of power

And with every tear drop, I'll win you over

That lost flame I swear to rekindle.


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364 Reviews


Points: 15980
Reviews: 364

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Tue Nov 07, 2017 12:01 am
zaminami wrote a review...



Hello Carlymillie! Welcome to YWS! Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review!

Give me your soul.

With that aside, I'm not the best at poetry but here we go!

Bold = grammar and flow issues.
Italics = suggestions and overall
Strikethrough = remove
Underline = krazy Kara komments.

Spoiler! :
My life spirals around a certain story

Where loneliness hinders every form of light

Hopelessly drowning in a world out of existence

Every shadow of my existence slowly leaving my physical form{.}

{Add a "--" here to separate stanzas}

Wounds become sore{r} and sore{r}

Eyes no different from a waterfall

Time evolves from seconds to milliseconds

My soul slowly succumbing to the call of darkness{.}

{--}

The pain my heart holds, I can no longer concede

So hear me now dear doomsday!

You may have come with greater power

But my will is strong full of power {Don't use the word "power" over and over. It makes it redundant}

And with every tear drop, I'll win you over

That lost flame I swear to rekindle. {I would actually name the poem "rekindle" instead of "2015"}


My interpretation:



Well, you already explained it in your summary, so I don't think I can interpret it haha

Overall:



Oof. The metaphors in this poem are powerful. It's also very dark too, like something I would write, which I applaud you for. Great job and keep up the great work :D

Why haven’t you given me your soul yet? --

Kara

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53 Reviews


Points: 273
Reviews: 53

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Fri Nov 03, 2017 8:12 pm
jamgalloway wrote a review...



Hey, there! I saw you wanted someone to review this, so I figured I'd give it a shot, even though I know next to nothing about poetry, lol. I liked it. I thought it was plenty easy to understand, but not so easy that you didn't have to think about it or anything. The only thing I really know to mention that may or may not be something you want to change is the punctuation. I know it's fine not to have punctuation in poetry, but I thought it was odd that you didn't have it on any of the lines, except one and then the end. Which, if it was just the ending id understand, but it felt out of place that another line in the poem had punctuation and the rest didn't. But then again, what do I know. Just as someone who knows nothing about poetry, I thought it was odd, but maybe for people who do know more about poetry, it works.

But yeah, that was really the only thing I thought to mention. I thought it was great. Keep it up, and if you need anything else--help, just want to talk, want me to review something, etc, etc--just let me know! :)





There are darknesses in life and there are lights, and you are one of the lights, the light of all lights.
— Bram Stoker