Emily is Lost

BrooklynWriter wrote:

I see you walk across the street,
Unaware of my presence.a so-so grabber...
You wouldn’t care if you were.
You left me.
You left me alone without a call. I think it's almost pretentious to leave these kinds of sentences here, try not to be too emotional.
Left me without a shoulder to cry on
How could you? Try not to use rhetorical questions like these...
Friendship since birth seems to mean nothing to you.
How? I don't think one word sentences are a good idea...
How did I lose you to them?
Those people you’ve only known for a year compared to our twelve. somewhat an awkward sentence, the last part "compared to our twelve." I understand what you're getting out, but wording it a little bit better might improve the tone.
Why are they suddenly more important?
Why can’t you have me and them?
Now it is too late.
I lost you.
It hurts.
It hurts more than just losing any old friend. again, seems a bit pretentious trying to be artistic. Short sentences like this...
This pain is different. Now this is good. It makes me feel like you've felt some sort of pain before, but never like this.
I thought we were best friends.
And the pain of losing a best friend is the one of the deepest pains. This is totally unnecessary because I think we all know this already, ^ ^;;
It is as if I am losing someone of blood.
That is how much you meant to me. This works.
But apparently,
I was much less to you.

great ending.

Wow, very nice poem. Well, nice as in you keep on top of the subject the whole way through. There wasn't any squandering around or just flip-flopping, which is always good in shorties like this. That's the problem with a lot of poets sometimes, just sticking on top of the subject and wrestling it to the ground, making it STAY. If it's short, it doesn't need to be over fifteen different things all at once. Well, like I said, I really liked this. It was emotional and, in my mind, connects with a lot of readers for the age, because everyone has lost a friend or two, am I right? Keep it up and keep writing.

This is easy to read, and I'm sure that it can relate to a lot of people too Lots of people have lost their best friends.
Maybe... just maybe, it could have done with some more descriptive words? Overall, I like it. xxx