My heart is breaking
I don’t dare to breath
I can hear it,
shattering as it falls,
high off of its place
so far from the ground.
I never thought it could be this way.
I never wondered how,
and I never wanted to know
how it feels,
to have the ground ripped from underneath me
my family ripped away
with the blood and tears I shed.
I never wanted it to be this way.
I can’t help to stop
they just keep coming
faster and faster now
as I watch the pain
I watch the fear slip away
no more love.
I never before felt this way.
I never knew how it felt,
to feel no love,
but now that you did this?
That is all I feel.
And you’re the one who made this.
I never could feel this way.
Do you hear that?
The sound of my heart hitting the floor?
Don’t act so innocent,
Don’t you dare wave that flag of innocence.
Because you’re the one who made this.
Do you hear that, I feel that.
I never thought that you were this way.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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This was very good
. I liked it very much, but I REALLY think you need to add a name to it. You aren't going to get much attention to a poem that's "untitled." If nothing else, pick your favorite line and make that the title, because you have a lot of very good lines and I really liked this poem a lot
, and so did everyone else that's read it.....But more people would read it if it had a better name
.
Hi there, BrokenSkye.
Lovely poem. I love it. And it's a great talent you've got if you wrote this in ten minutes. xD I love the italics, I guess you meant for them to be your thoughts, and that gives it beauty, and makes it different. The words are quiet simple but well used, perfectly chosen. Amazing job!
Keep it up!
~Solly<3
Hiii BrokenSkye!!! First of all I wanna shout, "THIS WAS AMAZING!!!!!!!!" Haha <3 I can't really critique this at all I see no noticeable flaws in grammar or lines wise, but that may just be me, I just am happy I found this!!! I can't wait to read more so I hope you update more soon and I say great job <3 Good luck and I hope others can critique as I am unable too XD.
Aydan Soulkana<3