Baby, I need to know something,
what happened to us?
What happened to everything?
Everything that I loved about you,
is starting to become the things I hate.
I just don’t know what to do anymore,
I feel like there is nothing I can do.
You used to be the one to make me happy,
but now you’re the one making me cry.
I miss the one who would be there,
to wipe my tears away,
to let me now how lucky you are,
to be the one that is with me.
You're not the one alone at home,
sitting by the phone waiting on no one.
Because we aren’t talking.
Baby don't you see?
I've been so lost
since that day you tore my heart out.
I gave up all hope that this will ever be,
anything more than a memory.
We used to be so perfect,
so happy, so in love,
we used to talk on the phone all night,
but now its just one fight after another.
I hate you sometimes,
and I can’t stand myself.
There are times when I want to die,
so this pain will just leave me,
and so I won’t be a bother to you anymore.
If you were ever to read this, you would deny it all.
But everyone knows that its turning to be true.
I can’t keep fighting like this anymore,
before all I wanted was your love.
But now something has changed,
I feel dead inside all the time,
I miss how we used to be.
Please baby, help me?
Take my hand and show my life isn’t that bad?
Because these thoughts,
they’re wanting me to go back.
Please don’t let them take me back there again!
That box of blood hurts so much.
I can’t go back! I can't!
Please baby, do you even hear me?
Or am I just calling to the wall again?
I miss you, I need you, I love you,
I want you, I desire you, but I hate you,
I hate what this has become.
I hate that I can’t talk to you anymore.
I hate that I can’t call you anymore.
I hate that I can’t be the one who you trust.
I feel so betrayed.
I love you, you love me,
and there are so many things that I put behind me.
So many things I gave up so much for us,
I thought that we had everything,
but I screwed everything up.
I wish that there was something,
something I could do to fix this,
but I just don’t know what it is.
Please baby help me?
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,820 Reviews
StoryWeaver, I do believe that my type of love within this poem WAS very typical. Also that I didn't really take the time to review it and edit it completely because I was a little lost on how to do it, but now I think that I understand how. Thanks for your comment.
Angus, I would like to say that there aren't many capitalization at the beginning of my poem because I put commas, and when I put a comma I don't capitalize the next word. Sorry if that confused you, its just the way that I write. And also I would like to say that after reading it out loud I understand what you meant by saying "The tattered, all-over-the-place rhyming scheme made the poem not flow at all well." I will go back and edit those parts a little more. Now as for the emotion of my poem, it kinda jumped around somewhere between sad and angry. As if saying that it is my fault that this fell apart and I hate myself for letting it. Now, do you understand my poem better? Or is it just a big pile of muck again?
BrokenSkye,
A few issues I have to raise with this poem. First of all, punctuation can go a long way. At the moment, you have rare capitals at the beginning of every line, and just in general there are a few messy bits. Should you clean these up your poem would immediately look like a much more professional one. Moving on to the actual content, I must say, I was confused. The tattered, all-over-the-place rhyming scheme made the poem not flow at all well. The actual issues in the poem also confused me. I struggled to know if you we're upset about the loss of your lover, so to speak, as that seemed to be the gist of the first few stanzas. Then it seemed to be angry, and then the third stanza just confused me a bit. But then I look at the title, which is asking for help and I was just very confused and muddled in my brain.
All of those things being said, it's a lovely poem, that is obviously very sincere and heartfelt on your part, so well done for that.
Angus
Okay, so my problem with this is that it's just kind of typical for a love poem. Romance poems (or romance in general) is a hard category because it's so easy to slip into the overworked/cliche stuff. Really, the only way to avoid it is coming up with a creative outlet or angle to portray it. This wasn't bad, and honestly I've given this same piece of advice to literally about 50% of the love poems I've reviewed. It's just been done. Really bringing this alive with your own creative imagery can really help as well.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver