day in, day out
i want to scream and shout
just want to feel some release
i want to feel the breeze
hear the waves crashing against the sand
and feel the water against my hand
im so tired of the same thing repeated
i feel so defeated
i want out of this prison
getting tired of prepping chicken
day in, day out
constantly feeling drowned
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138,744 Literary Works • 672,274 Reviews
I feel like you can feel the exhaustion radiating from the words in the poem. I don't know if the lowercase I's were intentional, but it adds something to the poem, almost as if the writer couldn't be bothered to capitalize them or was too tired to capitalize them. I like the phrase "I want to feel the breeze" it is like it is not just about escaping the kitchen but escaping outside to fresh air. The kitchen is referred to as a prison, and how tiring it is to do the same thing again and again, causing a drowning feeling in stark contrast to the waves crashing against the sand as a sign of freedom from the kitchen.
Thank you very much! Yes, the lowercase letters are intentional haha. For nearly a month straight I worked around 70 hours a week at a very busy Taco Bell and I was absolutely EXHAUSTED for sure, I%u2019m very glad it portrays well in the poem!
Thank you again for your review! %u2764%uFE0F
Gewei here to lift this amazing work out of the green room!
First off, your rhyming is amazing. It's way harder than it seems to make things rhyme, yet you had a rhyme for every sentence. That's amazing.
Secondly, you captured it. So. Well. That feeling of being tired, of wanting to get out, to escape, to run away. Though I may not seem like it when I'm on this site, I have been and probably am still depressed for quite a long time and being drowned and in a prison illustrates how I feel perfectly. (Were you hidden there behind the clouds when I jotted down bad poems about my depression? Were you watching?)
Lastly, there are no spelling mistakes, at least not as far as I noticed.
Keep up the amazing work!
Thank you so much! Honestly, for a couple of lines, I had to google %u201Cwords that rhyme with x%u201D haha. I%u2019m very happy to hear that the exhaustion portrays well! I was working 70 hours a week for nearly a month when I wrote this one. I also am often quite depressed, and I%u2019m sorry you deal with it as well.
Maybe I was hiding in the clouds! You%u2019ll never know, lol.
Thank you again for the review!