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On the Overmorrow Chapters 1-3

Quite a while ago, I started writing a political fantasy story here, but life and ADHD got in the way. I'm on winter break now, and I figured it would be a good time to finally get it back up. These chapters have some slight revisions (mostly grammar or an adjective here and there), and I'm publishing them as such to hopefully intrigue some of y'all. You can also see this in the future on Royal Road, I hope (if you’re a RR staff who got sent here by my ticket to request permission to post, hi!).

-Blue

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Chapter One: Three Perfect Strangers

Aren woke up on the first of three days to decide the world's future in her small, unadorned room. Moving slowly, she stretched, quickly threw on her suit, and headed downstairs. Checking the front door's mail slit, only one letter sat in it. Unusual, in her mind, for so little to come in before such an important event. She'd get well over a dozen letters most days before meetings. Regardless, Aren opened the letter, and was promptly met with a surprise: it was from Arina's ruler himself. That was nearly unheard of, even for days like this one.

To: Representitave Aren de Gephyra

From: His Majesty King Olis IX of Arina

Representative de Thern, I would first like to thank you for your service to our nation. Your work in Zeryzian as a representative of my will has greatly aided Arina in diplomacy.

However, I'm not writing to congratulate you. You know as well as I, or any Arinite does, that diplomacy will not work with a force like The Evil. Perhaps those who don't see conflict firsthand think that a signed piece of paper will stop it from fighting, have it gently settle into civilization. It is my opinion that that shall not, nor shall ever, work. They will fight and kill us the second our guard goes down. You've been given relatively free reign over diplomacy- and for good reason- but understand that if you agree to a treaty being drawn up, you will be exiled.

I understand that our interests align regardless, but precautionary measures are, well, precautionary. The other nations, however, I worry do not share our views. As such, the International Relations Corps have arranged for two others who share our views to help you at the trial. For the sake of safety, their names have not been given to me, but know that the password is 'BORDER' and that you can meet them at 5th Avenue and Greensborough Street at 08:00 on the first day of the hearings.

Signed, His Royal Majesty Olis IX of Arina, on the 8th of the 1st of 662

"Wait, 8 o'clock? It's already 7:40!", Aren thought, startled. Snatching the letter, she quickly shoved on a pair of shoes before she began the walk to 5th & Greensborough, passing several blocks worth of shops.

Any fear of not making it in time proved to be unfounded, as the others were late as well. They breathlessly gave the password to each other in turn.

The first, a young Sterlisi with emerald eyes and skin peppered with freckles, whom she thought she recognized, introduced himself as Quill. She noted that he was wearing a suit that one would expect at the embassy. The other, an even younger woman who wore clothes that reminded Aren of what she might find in rural Arina, introduced herself as Trici.

"So, I, um, I was told we shared a sentiment against... it?", stammered Trici.

"Yeah, I got a letter from- you won't believe this- King Aliso himself", beamed Quill, clearly pleased with himself. Aren found it strange; her nation and Sterlir rarely agreed on trivial matters, yet their rulers were directly collaborating on something as important as this.

They continued on for some time, but Aren only listened with half an ear.

"It's getting pretty close to the first hearing. I should go", she remarked.

"Oh! Might as well join you; Department Head de Thern would kill me if I'm late", Quill added. Aren realised that he was the translator for Mari.

Trici spoke up just as Aren turned to leave, "They're not letting in us regular folk yet, so I can't join you, but we could meet for lunch. I know a place; it's called The Shattered Egg. It's just a few blocks down on 8th."

Aren and Quill quickly agreed before turning to leave towards the consolate. Trici let out a "See you there", though Aren barely heard it.

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Though Quill wasn't particularily trusting of the woman he walked besides, he didn't doubt that Aren knew what she was doing. "Make sure to watch out for anyone that might be useful to us. We'll need all the allies we can get. Even Mari is seriously considering it, and you know how she is about the status quo", he said, attempting to start a conversation.

"I can't disagree there. I can only think of Eric as being definitivly on our side, and maybe Hothal if we can push him."

"I doubt that he'll be able to exercize any free will about the i- WATCH OUT!", Quill replied analytically, before yanking himself and Aren back as they nearly ran into a teenager with crimson red eyes.

"Sorry about that, we didn't mean to almost hit you", Aren quietly consoled the androgynous teenager. Quill noticed an oddly straight section of their left arm's sleeve, but didn't bring it up. It would be idiotic to not be able to defend yourself if you looked lower-class or vulnerable. She turned back to Quill, a "What were you saying" coming from her lips.

Quill started the conversation back up, "Hothal is just obeying his orders. I doubt he'd be given free reign for a descision here."

"You'd be surprised how long a leash we get. Anyways, we're here. Keep an eye out for Trici, will you? I've got to go", Aren replied, ending the conversation. Quill watched her go off in Arina's chambers' direction.

He made his way towards his home country's chambers. Mari de Thern, dressed in her ever-formal suit, met at the entrance. "Hello, Quill. Just on time as always. Would you mind bringing up the list of speakers to the office? Tehran's out on an errand", she greeted him.

While normally he would mind, it was too convenient an oppertunity. "Sure", he agreed, taking the recently-signed paper. He made his way checking the full timetable. Trici was on the list, he noted, as the last speaker tommorow. The decision, he thought, would be rather hurried, only a day after Trici's speech. Two days from now, on the overmorrow.

"It's getting pretty close to the first hearing. I should go", she remarked.

"Oh! Might as well join you; Department Head de Thern would kill me if I'm late", Quill added. Aren realised that he was the translator for Mari.

Trici spoke up just as Aren turned to leave, "They're not letting in us regular folk yet, so I can't join you, but we could meet for lunch. I know a place; it's called The Shattered Egg. It's just a few blocks down on 8th."

Aren and Quill quickly agreed before turning to leave towards the consolate. Trici let out a "See you there", though Aren barely heard it.

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Though Quill wasn't particularily trusting of the woman he walked besides, he didn't doubt that Aren knew what she was doing. "Make sure to watch out for anyone that might be useful to us. We'll need all the allies we can get. Even Mari is seriously considering it, and you know how she is about the status quo", he said, attempting to start a conversation.

"I can't disagree there. I can only think of Eric as being definitivly on our side, and maybe Hothal if we can push him."

"I doubt that he'll be able to exercize any free will about the i- WATCH OUT!", Quill replied analytically, before yanking himself and Aren back as they nearly ran into a teenager with crimson red eyes.

"Sorry about that, we didn't mean to almost hit you", Aren quietly consoled the androgynous teenager. Quill noticed an oddly straight section of their left arm's sleeve, but didn't bring it up. It would be idiotic to not be able to defend yourself if you looked lower-class or vulnerable. She turned back to Quill, a "What were you saying" coming from her lips.

Quill started the conversation back up, "Hothal is just obeying his orders. I doubt he'd be given free reign for a descision here."

"You'd be surprised how long a leash we get. Anyways, we're here. Keep an eye out for Trici, will you? I've got to go", Aren replied, ending the conversation. Quill watched her go off in Arina's chambers' direction.

He made his way towards his home country's chambers. Mari de Thern, dressed in her ever-formal suit, met at the entrance. "Hello, Quill. Just on time as always. Would you mind bringing up the list of speakers to the office? Tehran's out on an errand", she greeted him.

While normally he would mind, it was too convenient an oppertunity. "Sure", he agreed, taking the recently-signed paper. He made his way checking the full timetable. Trici was on the list, he noted, as the last speaker tommorow. The decision, he thought, would be rather hurried, only a day after Trici's speech. Two days from now, on the overmorrow.

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Chapter Two: One, Two, Tria

Marina had a half hour to kill before the trial would start. Luckily, Trici knew a place. Or, rather, Marina did. She had always found it difficult to separate herself from her aliases, especially when she was tired, but it was Trici who knew of the café. Not her; not Marina. At the end of the day, she was just another identity, who knew things her aliases didn't and who didn't know things her aliases did.

She continued- needlessly, as she was only thinking to herself- to try to create a difference between herself, Trici and all the others at any level other than the very surface as she made her way to 8th Street, towards The Shattered Egg, Trici's- not her's, she thought- favourite. There wasn't a line between identities, no matter how much she tried to pretend.

"Hey, Trici! The usual?", questioned the host, Nyx, a middle-aged server she had gotten to know quite well over the past few months, "...Trici? Hey, Trici?", they asked.

Oh. Right. Trici. Her. "Er, yeah. The usual, Nyx", she finally managed, "Table Five open?"

"As always, for you, yes. Your drink will be ready in five minutes."

"Thanks, Nyx", Ma- no, Trici, said, sitting down, "Is there any chance I could reserve this table for Noon? I'm bringing over some others for lunch."

"Yeah, we aren't too busy then. I can avoid seating others here without issue, and I can ask Mara to do the same."

"Thanks, Nyx."

"No problem! Anything for you, as long as it doesn't get me in trouble. Upper management is scary. I'll be back with your drink in a bit!"

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Tria had turned into a creature of the night. They had stayed up much too late a few nights before, and the cost had been their sleep schedule. Two diplomats had run into them earlier, distracted, but in reality, Tria was so tired that they would have run into someone else regardless of whether the other was distracted or not. Regardless, they pressed on. Collapsing in the street wouldn't do them any good now; the monastery had given them a job and Tria intended to go through with it. Tria pressed onwards.

They approached the assembly hall. To their dismay, a pair of security guards were blocking the entrance. There were maybe twenty people outside, speaking all sorts of languages- Tria caught some snippets here and there- that were gathered in clusters or sitting alone in the shade. They collapsed onto a small bench. Even though they didn't sleep, just the rest of lying down helped.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------By the time Nyx had finally brought Trici her drink, Marina had gotten her thoughts in order. Trici had met Aren and Quill and would see them from the audience at the council chambers in 20 or so minutes. Trici had gone to The Shattered Egg and 'reserved' a table with Nyx. Trici was going to have lunch with Aren and Quill. Not Marina. Marina wasn't the person here, Trici was. The coffee helped jolt her awake, and the distinction quickly grew.

Trici was out the door, and the bill was paid to Nyx in full, within ten minutes. Time was running out, without her really having realised until now, if she wanted to get a good seat. She raced through the streets of Zeryzian and got to the assembly in time. Nearby, an urchin stretched and clawed themselves off a bench they were lying comfortably on. The urchin joined the others, now flooding into the area, and Trici got the hint to follow them. She ended up about ten spots behind the urchin. One had to wonder what interest a street urchin had in international politics, but that was neither truly here nor there.

Slowly, the line started filling into the chambers. At last, Trici got to a seat- her seat, now, for the next three days. A brochure on the seat listed the speakers. She noticed the teen behind her diagonally, obviously fighting to stay awake. Quickly, she introduced herself to her neighbours. The first, an Iridawali woman who quietly introduced herself as Oila Irith, was a 30-something-year-old who had striking red hair and matching eyes quickly and quietly introduced herself before averting her eyes, looking down at a thick binder in her lap.

Conversely to Oila, the young man to her right got to introducing himself loudly to her. "Hi! I'm Mahir, Mahir Gethalt. I'm from Rathia, but I've spent most of my life here in Zeryzian or travelling. What about you?"

Taken more than a bit aback, Trici replied, "Arina- I'm from a village in the south, Orgi-on-the-Moor. I only came here recently though, not like you", smiling pleasantly at him in turn, "Are you here to present, or just watch?"

"A bit of both- I've got a job relaying the proceedings' developments back to Raithas for a newspaper, but I'm to present at 7:00 PM today. You?"

"I've got your slot tomorrow. I imagine you want it to strike some sort of deal with us?"

"Oh, no, no. While many here are distant enough from the front lines to not realise the dangers The Evil poses, and care more about money they're losing to taxes than anything, the reports I see- or even bring in myself- have more than disillusioned me to any treaty", he clarified, "There's one story in particular I'll always remember. A monastery in Rathia had taken in one of them- Decaepta it called itself- and was found ravaged later, monks dead, and the demon, bloodied, in the centre of the grounds, looking north towards The Evil. That's the one that truly pushed me over the edge, to the point where I couldn't make any excuses, and I just had to face the truth."

"Oh- that's- haunting. Well, at least we're together in this. I'm Trici, by the way", she replied. Think, Trici, Marina said within her, can we use him to help us? What to do? She pushed the thought away. He was already on her same side; she didn't need to push him for a desired outcome.

Outside, bells tolled once, twice, nine times. The urchin snapped alert, clearly startled by the noise. It would be only fifteen minutes to the first hearing. She checked her brochure, which told her that the first speaker up would be Terys de Valen, a woman from Sterlir. She'd be up in fifteen minutes. Scanning quickly through, she found Oila's slot, after lunch on the final day. Trici made a note to bring the list to lunch with Aren and Quill.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Tria couldn't stay up. It didn't matter how much they tried. They slipped into dreams of the monastery, of Enas, of Epta, of all the others. Of all sixteen of the others children they had grown up- if you could even call it that- with.

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Chapter Three: Enter Eric

Aren heard the bells toll nine times. Sighing, she called Marin over for the day's itinerary. A Sterlir, one Terys de Valen, would be the first -her time started in fifteen minutes- to speak. She would be followed by a fellow Sterlir, Griffin Parlos, and after his time was up, the council would break for lunch. She, of course, was going to lunch with Quill and Trici.

Zinnia, her translator, was relaxed in a corner. Aren turned to her questioning, "We've got to be up in ten minutes. Ready?"

"Yeah, I got breakfast and I'm dressed up properly. I talked to the other translators a bit ago; Pyros is the only one who knows Gilish, so he'll be the one translating for the second speaker. Quill mentioned that two of the afternoon's speakers will need to be translated for everyone", Zinnia replied, her light accent punctuating her 'T's.

"Got it. Follow my lead if you don't know what to do. The others will start lining up for their entrances rather soon", Aren said, turning to the door. She motioned for Zinnia to follow, holding the door open for her.

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"And lastly, I'll be going out to lunch, so I won't be available during the break", Quill stated, running out of breath, to Mari.

"That's the whole day's itinerary?", questioned Mari.

"That's it. Ready?"

"Yes. If you don't know what to do, just follow my lead. And remember, Quill, even if we all are on a first-name basis, there is a crowd watching", Mari said, holding the door for Quill, "I'd like you to be as formal as possible while translating."

"Got that", Quill replied, leaving the room. Mari followed, briefly speeding up to be even with him. They passed by several doors- those would be the other ambassadors' rooms- which were carved with the ornate, intricate designs of their respective country's seal. Several of the others had already begun lining up. Aren, up ahead of Mari and him, caught his eye and nodded subtly at him. He returned the gesture.

He ended up behind Dwilen in the translators' line, Mari parallel to him in the other. Liara, Eric's translator. If he remembered correctly, she had been working with a translator in Eric's retinue since before he had retired from fighting to take his role as an ambassador.

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Eric saw this all as pointless. He already knew his stance on The Evil. He had fought it, either personally or in command of others, for long enough to know they wouldn't be able to reason or deal with it. If absolute power corrupted absolutely, then so did absolute evil. They might play nice for a while, but they would turn, they would attack, and humanity wouldn't be prepared. The best-case scenario would be hundreds of thousands of deaths. Why some from more distant nations never realised that, Eric didn't know, but the idea posed a threat nonetheless.

He had already made up his mind. No matter what, he was going to vote against a treaty. The others, though, might not be so set in their stance, either way. He would have to try to target those who could have their minds changed and make absolutely sure that they would vote against a treaty.

The 15-minute bells told, snapping Eric out of his train of thought. An attendant on each side opened the doors and the group filed into the commons. Murmurs from around the room quieted. Chairs scraped, grinding against the ground, as the delegations sat down. A presenter at the head of the room began the proceedings in a doubtlessly boring statement that Eric decided to tune out. It would just be a restatement of the itinerary Liara had given him to read an hour ago. He would wait a few minutes for the speaker to begin their speech.

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Tria was snapped alert by a speaker, clad in a light grey dress, similar in tone to their own outfit, who began speaking. Even if they were tried, Tria was determined to listen. As long as the monastery got their information, it would be worth it. The speaker began, "Ladies, gentlemen, and all those in between, may I have your attention. Today the Council of World Powers' appointed representatives shall listen to the first seven speakers, from 9:15 AM to 8:30 PM, with a break from 12:00 PM to 1:00 PM for lunch. Speakers shall have 75 minutes to deliver their speeches and will be allotted an additional 15 minutes to answer questions and defend their speeches. The topic of these meetings shall be the decision to- or not to- proceed with negotiations for a treaty to peacefully co-exist with the Grand Army and Armada of Demons, Hellbeasts, and Creatures of Darkness, more commonly known as The Evil.

"The representatives of the nations shall be Representative Aren de Gephyra of Arina, accompanied by her translator Zinnia de Qualan; General Eric Myros of Ferthusia", she paused before continuing, "commonly known by his epithet 'The Bloodaxe'; accompanied by his translator Liara de la Rosa; Departement Head Mari de Thern of Sterlir, accompanied by her translator Quill Pes do Fyores; Council Head Rei Wathrel of Rathia, accompanied by their translator Dwilin Sarathi; Duke Aris von Grissom of Zeryzian, accompanied by his translator Reqei Uehara; Minister Hothal Derisz of Mexai, accompanied by his translator Paula Tritalya; and lastly Representitave Pucoths Ragthdottir of Iridawal, accompanied by her translator Pyros Nike.

"By accordance of the Council of World Powers, a majority of votes- four- are required for the motions to pass. A representative may either vote 'For', 'Against', or 'Abstain', the announcer explained before pausing. Tria started scribbling notes on a pad of paper in their lap, realizing it may be a good idea. Taking a breath, she continued her statement, "The voting period shall occur no earlier than 8:30 PM on the third and final day, overmorrow. Representatives shall be given a one-hour lunch break, followed by an hour and a half of deliberation. Representatives may, should they wish, call upon a speaker to reiterate or clarify a point in their speech during said time.

"Lastly, a representative who has already cast a vote may change their vote, so long as it is within the allotted timeframe for deliberation. Should no vote be cast, they shall be automatically assigned 'Abstain'.

"With that out of the way, please give a hand to your first speaker, Speaker Terys de Valen, who hails from the nation of Sterlir.", the woman finished. She stepped to the side, allowing a shorter woman sporting cyan eyes. Tria noted that the speaker's stark white hair matched her suit.

"Speaker de Valen, you may commence your speech."

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Aaaaaand we're done! I'm going to try to get Chapter Four, tentativly titled 90 Minutes In, by the end of the week. Hope you enjoyed!

Comments & reviews · 2
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User avatar
Poor Imp
Review

Ahoy B.panther!

Oy, always a fun adventure with political fantasy, yes? I enjoyed reading through it, and I like that you've set up sort of an ensemble cast to intrigue in the evolving plot.

In a broad stroke, the setting and pacing got tangled, I think. The narrative moves so swiftly that the places and characters become indistinct, and the transitions from where moment to the next challenging to follow.

POV - Limited or Omniscient 3rd Person? or a Mix?

The story begins with Aren's 3rd person limited perspective, and that could fit for the entire story if you're willing to stick with her. As it stands, you branch off to Quill/Tria--Trici, too, perhaps?

Perhaps try either a) just Aren, and limit what the reader can follow to what Aren experience. If this is the avenue you take, you'd have a neat stage both for slowing the pacing a little (in a way that allows the reader to take in the action and place settings) and for setting up the intrigue or mystery. What Aren doesn't know about Trial, etc. could perhaps be hinted at -- but then sprung on us.

I believe the other option is mixed. Do move between characters. However, you've got enough material here for a double the chapters, in that case.

Transitions/Setting

Right now, it rather feels like a pingpong ball. But I think that's initially because the narrative conveys a few details about character appearance and thought, but not much scene setting texture.

This is excellent

Marina had a half hour to kill before the trial would start. Luckily, Trici knew a place. Or, rather, Marina did. She had always found it difficult to separate herself from her aliases, especially when she was tired, but it was Trici who knew of the café. Not her; not Marina. At the end of the day, she was just another identity, who knew things her aliases didn't and who didn't know things her aliases did.

... because it gives me a sense of Marina/Trici's inner landscape.

It would be bloody brilliant if it also did some thing like
Marina had a half hour to kill before the trial would start. Between [point a] and [point b], the streets of [city?] ran like spilled ink, and just as randomly. Her feet scuffed cobbles, and passersby jostled her, rushing who knew where -- in the distance she could see the [sign? dusk falling?]; not even the king's inn itself would be open on a day like this. Luckily, Trici knew a place. Or, rather, Marina did. She had always found it difficult to separate herself from her aliases, especially when she was tired, but it was Trici who knew of the café. Not her; not Marina. At the end of the day, she was just another identity, who knew things her aliases didn't and who didn't know things her aliases did.


...that's very rough (the italics) -- it's more of placeholder for putting in sense detail about the place.

Character Voice

This bit, in which you mention the accent, is ace.
"Yeah, I got breakfast and I'm dressed up properly. I talked to the other translators a bit ago; Pyros is the only one who knows Gilish, so he'll be the one translating for the second speaker. Quill mentioned that two of the afternoon's speakers will need to be translated for everyone", Zinnia replied, her light accent punctuating her 'T's.


Character voice is vital in all cases, but it's very practical when you've got a large cast. I'd love to see you play with how each of your characters speaks/thinks. I got the impression that Quill might have a unique style of talking, or maybe vocabulary? It seems like Trici/Marina (at least in her thoughts) could probably speak in a way that set her apart. Sharp, short sentences? Pauses as she sorts out who she's being? Outwardly, brisk and precise? Regardless, both pacing and transitions I warrant will benefit from the characters having clear unique ways of speaking.

Overall, I think there may simply be too many people and too much shifting too fast. Also overall, I love the detail and amount you've drafted up, and oy, I think if you fine-tune and slow it down, and perhaps use either action or scene description as a shift (rather than ________________ or *******), you'll both deeply involve the reader and clarify the momentum of the story.

Cheers.

IMP

User avatar
HildegardHope
Review

Hi! Hope here, you left an ask for a review on my post so here I am! This is going to be short because I don't really read Political stories and can't give too much input on the plot.

The main thing i noticed was you have a weird sentence structure sometimes, and that you don't have very much description. Everytime a character leaves the scene, or enters another scene, there should be enough description of the surroundings that you can tell where they are now. You sort of glaze over travel times and building descriptions, and your descriptions of people are very flowery, but they don't tell you what the person looks like.

This sounds very negative, its not supposed to be, I think you are doing great, but I don't have the time to really write out a lengthy review here. and I want to get to the meat of the stuff i noticed, and i don't have time to point out what you did well, which is a lot. You need to hook people in, there is a lot of rapid fire plot and dialogue, and it makes the story very fast paced. all three chapters about 3700k words long, the average length of a published book's chapter is 3.5k, the majority of that length comes from descriptions.



They laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at them because they're all the same.
— Kurt Cobain