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On the Overmorrow Chapter One- Three Perfect Strangers

by Bluepanther512


Aren woke up on the first of three days to decide the world's future in her small, unadorned room. Moving slowly, she stretched, quickly threw on her suit, and headed downstairs. Checking the front door's mail slit, only one letter sat in it. Unusual, in her mind, for so little to come in before such an important event. She'd get well over a dozen letters most days before meetings. Regardless, Aren opened the letter, and was promptly met with a surprise: it was from Arina's ruler himself. That was nearly unheard of, even for days like this one.

To: Representitave Aren de Gephyra

From: His Majesty King Olis IX of Arina

Representative de Thern, I would first like to thank you for your service to our nation. Your work in Zeryzian as a representative of my will has greatly aided Arina in diplomacy.

However, I'm not writing to congratulate you. You know as well as I, or any Arinite does, that diplomacy will not work with a force like The Evil. Perhaps those who don't see conflict firsthand think that a signed piece of paper will stop it from fighting, have it gently settle into civilization. It is my opinion that that shall not, nor shall ever, work. They will fight and kill us the second our guard goes down. You've been given relatively free reign over diplomacy- and for good reason- but understand that if you agree to a treaty being drawn up, you will be exiled.

I understand that our interests align regardless, but precautionary measures are, well, precautionary. The other nations, however, I worry do not share our views. As such, the International Relations Corps have arranged for two others who share our views to help you at the trial. For the sake of safety, their names have not been given to me, but know that the password is 'BORDER' and that you can meet them at 5th Avenue and Greensborough Street at 08:00 on the first day of the hearings.

Signed, His Royal Majesty Olis IX of  Arina, on the 8th of the 1st of 662

"Wait, 8 AM? It's already 7:40!", Aren thought, startled. Grabbing the letter, she quickly shoved on a pair of shoes before she began the walk to 5th & Greensborough, passing several blocks worth of shops.

Any fear of not making it in time proved to be unfounded, as it was the others who were late. They breathlessly gave the password to Aren.

The first, a young Sterlisi with emerald eyes and skin peppered with freckles, whom she thought she recognized, introduced himself as Quill. She noted that he was wearing a suit that one would expect at the embassy. The other, an even younger woman who wore clothes that reminded Aren of what she might find in rural Arina, introduced herself as Trici.

"So, I, um, I was told we shared a sentiment against... it?", stammered Trici.

"Yeah, I got a letter from- you won't believe this- King Aliso himself", beamed Quill, clearly pleased with himself. Aren found it strange; her nation and Sterlir rarely agreed on anything, yet their rulers were directly collaborating on something as important as this.

They continued on for some time, but Aren only listened with half an ear.

"It's getting pretty close to the first hearing. I should go", she remarked.

"Oh! Might as well join you; Department Head de Thern would kill me if I'm late", Quill added. Aren realised that he was the translator for Mari.

Trici spoke up just as Aren turned to leave, "They're not letting in us regular folk yet, so I can't join you, but we could meet for lunch. I know a place; it's called The Shattered Egg. It's just a few blocks down on 8th."

Aren and Quill quickly agreed before turning to leave towards the consolate. Trici let out a "See you there", though Aren barely heard it.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Though Quill wasn't particularily trusting of the woman he walked besides, he didn't doubt that Aren knew what she was doing. "Make sure to watch out for anyone that might be useful to us. We'll need all the allies we can get. Even Mari is seriously considering it, and you know how she is about the status quo", he said, attempting to start a conversation.

"I can't disagree there. I can only think of Eric as being definitivly on our side, and maybe Hothal if we can push him."

"I doubt that he'll be able to exercize any free will about the i- WATCH OUT!", Quill replied analytically, before yanking himself and Aren back as they nearly ran into a teenager with crimson red eyes.

"Sorry about that, we didn't mean to almost hit you", Aren quietly consoled the androgynous teenager. Quill noticed an oddly straight section of their left arm's sleeve, but didn't bring it up. It would be idiotic to not be able to defend yourself if you looked lower-class or vulnerable. She turned back to Quill, a "What were you saying" coming from her lips.

Quill started the conversation back up, "Hothal is just obeying his orders. I doubt he'd be given free reign for a descision here."

"You'd be surprised how long a leash we get. Anyways, we're here. Keep an eye out for Trici, will you? I've got to go", Aren replied, ending the conversation. Quill watched her go off in Arina's chambers' direction.

He made his way towards his home country's chambers. Mari de Thern, dressed in her ever-formal suit, met at the entrance. "Hello, Quill. Just on time as always. Would you mind bringing up the list of speakers to the office? Tehran's out on an errand", she greeted him.

While normally he would mind, it was too convenient an oppertunity. "Sure", he agreed, taking the recently-signed paper. He made his way checking the full timetable. Trici was on the list, he noted, as the last speaker tommorow. The decision, he thought, would be rather hurried, only a day after Trici's speech. Two days from now, on the overmorrow.


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Wed May 15, 2024 1:14 am
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VanTheLavender wrote a review...



Must say, this looks quite good and I must give my compliments. But I found two spelling errors in the text I feel you might want to know about. One was "I doubt that he'll be able to e͟x͟e͟r͟c͟i͟z͟e͟ any free will" it is instead spelled exercise. The other is "I doubt he'd be given free reign for a d͟e͟s͟c͟i͟s͟i͟o͟n͟ here" it is instead spelled decision. I didn't see any other errors, but I was only looking for spelling errors. Overall I think it was quite good.




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Sun May 12, 2024 7:00 am
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HildeMint wrote a review...



Alright, so I'm a bit new to this, but I adore this concept so I'm gonna give it a shot.

The first thing i noticed was the name 'Aren' now, this may be because i have a male character named Aren, but i had to re-read the paragraph like three times to double check her gender. I think this is probably because the typical female spelling of Aren is Erin, but its not a big deal really.

The intro with the letter from the king sets up some great intrigue, WHAT is she being forbidden to make a treaty with, WHY is it so evil?

The strangers later on also provide some interesting things, three people united for a common goal, and the red eyed kid with a weapon seems like he's going to important later too. As for any advice? i think that I'd focus a bit more on descriptions maybe, of the scenery and things like it. I'm going to be looking out for the next chapters!




Bluepanther512 says...


Real quick (not your fault; I never specified gender), the red-eyed kid is Non-binary.



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Tue May 07, 2024 11:55 pm
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KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well this was quite the little start here. Aren seems to be quite an intriguing character here and definitely has a few things to watch out for here. OUr new strangers were also quite intriguing. All in all quite a cast including thee king.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Aren woke up on the first of three days to decide the world's future in her small, unadorned room. Moving slowly, she stretched, quickly threw on her suit, and headed downstairs. Checking the front door's mail slit, only one letter sat in it. Unusual, in her mind, for so little to come in before such an important event. She'd get well over a dozen letters most days before meetings. Regardless, Aren opened the letter, and was promptly met with a surprise: it was from Arina's ruler himself. That was nearly unheard of, even for days like this one.


Ooh well this is quite a start here. Definitely the sort of situation that tends to capture one's attention right off the bat with a sender like that and I think it does wellto let us know who Aren is and what kind of situation he happens to be in as well.

Representative de Thern, I would first like to thank you for your service to our nation. Your work in Zeryzian as a representative of my will has greatly aided Arina in diplomacy.

However, I'm not writing to congratulate you. You know as well as I, or any Arinite does, that diplomacy will not work with a force like The Evil. Perhaps those who don't see conflict firsthand think that a signed piece of paper will stop it from fighting, have it gently settle into civilization. It is my opinion that that shall not, nor shall ever, work. They will fight and kill us the second our guard goes down. You've been given relatively free reign over diplomacy- and for good reason- but understand that if you agree to a treaty being drawn up, you will be exiled.


Well given how that started I was not expecting it to get quite that ruthless but I absolutely love how much that tells us immediately about this ruler and the way that they handle things.

I understand that our interests align regardless, but precautionary measures are, well, precautionary. The other nations, however, I worry do not share our views. As such, the International Relations Corps have arranged for two others who share our views to help you at the trial. For the sake of safety, their names have not been given to me, but know that the password is 'BORDER' and that you can meet them at 5th Avenue and Greensborough Street at 08:00 on the first day of the hearings.


Well at the very least it seems poor Aren is going to get a chance not to end up on the chopping block through that one lifeline there so that's something to see at the very least. Let's see how this pans out.

"Wait, 8 AM? It's already 7:40!", Aren thought, startled. Grabbing the letter, she quickly shoved on a pair of shoes before she began the walk to 5th & Greensborough, passing several blocks worth of shops.

Any fear of not making it in time proved to be unfounded, as it was the others who were late. They breathlessly gave the password to Aren.

The first, a young Sterlisi with emerald eyes and skin peppered with freckles, whom she thought she recognized, introduced himself as Quill. She noted that he was wearing a suit that one would expect at the embassy. The other, an even younger woman who wore clothes that reminded Aren of what she might find in rural Arina, introduced herself as Trici.


Well that was certainly quite short notice there its good to see that Aren did in fact make it. And the people we are meeting here are certainly making quite the first impression there from the looks of things.

"So, I, um, I was told we shared a sentiment against... it?", stammered Trici.

"Yeah, I got a letter from- you won't believe this- King Aliso himself", beamed Quill, clearly pleased with himself. Aren found it strange; her nation and Sterlir rarely agreed on anything, yet their rulers were directly collaborating on something as important as this.

They continued on for some time, but Aren only listened with half an ear.

"It's getting pretty close to the first hearing. I should go", she remarked.


Well that does seem like quite the pair there. They are certainly gearing up to cause quite a bit of mayhem from the looks of things and Aren doesn't seem too terribly impressed by them at the same time. Certainly something to think about.

"Oh! Might as well join you; Department Head de Thern would kill me if I'm late", Quill added. Aren realised that he was the translator for Mari.

Trici spoke up just as Aren turned to leave, "They're not letting in us regular folk yet, so I can't join you, but we could meet for lunch. I know a place; it's called The Shattered Egg. It's just a few blocks down on 8th."

Aren and Quill quickly agreed before turning to leave towards the consolate. Trici let out a "See you there", though Aren barely heard it.


Hmm well this does bring into question if Maybe Aren's the one being a little rude here to tune them out so much or if the way they're going about things is truly that prone to be ignored on that level.

Though Quill wasn't particularily trusting of the woman he walked besides, he didn't doubt that Aren knew what she was doing. "Make sure to watch out for anyone that might be useful to us. We'll need all the allies we can get. Even Mari is seriously considering it, and you know how she is about the status quo", he said, attempting to start a conversation.

"I can't disagree there. I can only think of Eric as being definitivly on our side, and maybe Hothal if we can push him."

"I doubt that he'll be able to exercize any free will about the i- WATCH OUT!", Quill replied analytically, before yanking himself and Aren back as they nearly ran into a teenager with crimson red eyes.


Oooh loving the way you're incorporating the surroundings into the conversation there. I think its working wonders there in terms of letting us know precisely what's going on around them and makes things a bit more intriguing.

"Sorry about that, we didn't mean to almost hit you", Aren quietly consoled the androgynous teenager. Quill noticed an oddly straight section of their left arm's sleeve, but didn't bring it up. It would be idiotic to not be able to defend yourself if you looked lower-class or vulnerable. She turned back to Quill, a "What were you saying" coming from her lips.

Quill started the conversation back up, "Hothal is just obeying his orders. I doubt he'd be given free reign for a descision here."

"You'd be surprised how long a leash we get. Anyways, we're here. Keep an eye out for Trici, will you? I've got to go", Aren replied, ending the conversation. Quill watched her go off in Arina's chambers' direction.


Hmm this is certainly an intriguing moment there especially with regards to that random person they ran into. There was certainly much too much attention put on said person for that to just be a random throwaway line.

He made his way towards his home country's chambers. Mari de Thern, dressed in her ever-formal suit, met at the entrance. "Hello, Quill. Just on time as always. Would you mind bringing up the list of speakers to the office? Tehran's out on an errand", she greeted him.

While normally he would mind, it was too convenient an oppertunity. "Sure", he agreed, taking the recently-signed paper. He made his way checking the full timetable. Trici was on the list, he noted, as the last speaker tommorow. The decision, he thought, would be rather hurried, only a day after Trici's speech. Two days from now, on the overmorrow.


Oooh well that's a nice ending, little bit of a title card. I think it captures it quite nicely here. You've done quite a nice job of assembling that I think. I am looking forward to seeing where you take this.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall I think this was a lovely piece here. It has all you could ever really ask for from a first chapter and the characters and plot here certainly prove compelling. I look forward to seeing where this goes.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Kate





Congratulations!
— Magestorrrow