Young Writers Society

Hey there, my dear friend! I hope your day is splendid Let's jump right into the review!!

"Hey, Trici! The usual?", questioned the host, Nyx, a middle-aged server she had gotten to know quite well over the past few months, "...Trici? Hey, Trici?", they asked.

This should be rewritten without a comma after the question mark. "Hey, Trici! The usual?" questioned the host... and then you don't need the ... before "Trici? Hey, Trici?" they asked." Also removing the xtra comma there If you have. comma, exclamation mark, or question mark, you don't need an additional one after you close the quotations.

"Arina- I'm from a village in the south, Orgi-on-the-Moor. I only came here recently though, not like you", smiling pleasantly at him in turn, "Are you here to present, or just watch?"

I would recommend taking out the - after Ariana and adding a comma, to saying that she paused. When it says, "not like you" the comma should be fore the closing quotations. I notice you use - a lot throughout this chapter. I think that represents a pause, which can be greaten some writing. But personally in a novel I would take those out and add dialogue or text to describe the pause instead of saying that, just to make it a bit more formal. Overall, awesome chapter though. Your characters are exciting and I love the characters you have come up with. Amazing work!! Seriously, great job.

Your friend,
Ellie

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well looks like the preparations for this trial are going quite nicely here and its really attracting quite the crowd too from all walks of life. I think its really settling itself down quite beautifully here.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Marina had a half hour to kill before the trial. Luckily, Trici knew a place. Or, rather, Marina did. She had always found it difficult to separate herself from her aliases, especially when she was tired, but it was Trici who knew of the café. Not her; not Marina. At the end of the day, she was just another identity, who knew things her aliases didn't and who didn't know things her aliases did.

She continued- needlessly, as she was only thinking to herself- to try to create a difference between herself, Trici and all the others at any level other than the very surface as she made her way to 8th Street, towards The Shattered Egg, Trici's- not her's, she thought- favourite. There wasn't a line between identities, no matter how much she tried to pretend.

Hmm well a solid little start to proceedings here, just everything being gotten ready for this scene to come here. I think you've established a neat little situation already here. Looking forward to seeing exactly where this shall be headed here.

"Hey, Trici! The usual?", questioned the host, Nyx, a middle-aged server she had gotten to know quite well over the past few months, "...Trici? Hey, Trici?", they asked.

Oh. Right. Trici. Her. "Er, yeah. The usual, Nyx", she finally managed, "Table Five open?"

"As always, for you, yes. Your drink will be ready in five minutes."

"Thanks, Nyx", Ma- no, Trici, said, sitting down, "Is there any chance I could reserve this table for Noon? I'm bringing over some others for lunch."

"Yeah, we aren't too busy then. I can avoid seating others here without issue, and I can ask Mara to do the same."

"Thanks, Nyx."

"No problem! Anything for you, as long as it doesn't get me in trouble. Upper management is scary. I'll be back with your drink in a bit!"

Well that seems like quite the arrangement there. You certainly get a sense of the camaraderie between the two of them and how much of a history they clearly share. I really like the little detail about upper management there too.

Tria had turned into a creature of the night. They had stayed up much too late a few nights before, and the cost had been their sleep schedule. Two diplomats had run into them earlier, distracted, but in reality, Tria was so tired that they would have run into someone else regardless of whether the other was distracted or not. Regardless, they pressed on. Collapsing in the street wouldn't do them any good now; the monastery had given them a job and Tria intended to go through with it. Tria pressed onwards.

They approached the assembly hall. To their dismay, a pair of security guards were blocking the entrance. There were maybe twenty people outside, speaking all sorts of languages- Tria caught some snippets here and there- that were gathered in clusters or sitting alone in the shade. They collapsed onto a small bench. Even though they didn't sleep, just the rest of lying down helped.

Well that was quite the moment there, a little snippet into how that's been proceeding. Loving the way you're slowly setting it all up here nice and slow in the background just brining it all to life and prepping us for this trial to come.

By the time Nyx had finally brought Trici her drink, Marina had gotten her thoughts in order. Trici had met Aren and Quill and would see them from the audience at the council chambers in 20 or so minutes. Trici had gone to The Shattered Egg and 'reserved' a table with Nyx. Trici was going to have lunch with Aren and Quill. Not Marina. Marina wasn't the person here, Trici was. The coffee helped jolt her awake, and the distinction quickly grew.

Trici was out the door, and the bill was paid to Nyx in full, within ten minutes. Time was running out, without her really having realised until now, if she wanted to get a good seat. She raced through the streets of Zeryzian and got to the assembly in time. Nearby, an urchin stretched and clawed themselves off a bench they were lying comfortably on. The urchin joined the others, now flooding into the area, and Trici got the hint to follow them. She ended up about ten spots behind the urchin. One had to wonder what interest a street urchin had in international politics, but that was neither truly here nor there.

Well it looks like several plans are slowing forming into motion there and quite quickly too at that. I am loving the vibe that's creating here of just this tense atmosphere slowly building itself up as the time gets closer and closer to the big event.

Slowly, the line started filling into the chambers. At last, Trici got to a seat- her seat, now, for the next three days. A brochure on the seat listed the speakers. She noticed the teen behind her diagonally, obviously fighting to stay awake. Quickly, she introduced herself to her neighbours. The first, an Iridawali woman who quietly introduced herself as Oila Irith, was a 30-something-year-old who had striking red hair and matching eyes quickly and quietly introduced herself before averting her eyes, looking down at a thick binder in her lap.

Conversely to Oila, the young man to her right got to introducing himself loudly to her. "Hi! I'm Mahir, Mahir Gethalt. I'm from Rathia, but I've spent most of my life here in Zeryzian or travelling. What about you?"

Taken more than a bit aback, Trici replied, "Arina- I'm from a village in the south, Orgi-on-the-Moor. I only came here recently though, not like you", smiling pleasantly at him in turn, "Are you here to present, or just watch?"

"A bit of both- I've got a job relaying the proceedings' developments back to Raithas for a newspaper, but I'm to present at 7:00 PM today. You?"

"I've got your slot tomorrow. I imagine you want it to strike some sort of deal with us?"

Oooh looks like we've got quite the collection of people all of them mingling with each other and starting to get to know each other. I think its quite neatly done to showcase the scale of this event as well as the kind of people that tend to attend such an event.

"Oh, no, no. While many here are distant enough from the front lines to not realise the dangers The Evil poses, and care more about money they're losing to taxes than anything, the reports I see- or even bring in myself- have more than disillusioned me to any treaty", he clarified, "There's one story in particular I'll always remember. A monastery in Rathia had taken in one of them- Decaepta it called itself- and was found ravaged later, monks dead, and the demon, bloodied, in the centre of the grounds, looking north towards The Evil. That's the one that truly pushed me over the edge, to the point where I couldn't make any excuses, and I just had to face the truth."

"Oh- that's- haunting. Well, at least we're together in this. I'm Trici, by the way", she replied. Think, Trici, Marina said within her, can we use him to help us? What to do? She pushed the thought away. He was already on her same side; she didn't need to push him for a desired outcome.

Outside, bells tolled once, twice, nine times. The urchin snapped alert, clearly startled by the noise. It would be only fifteen minutes to the first hearing. She checked her brochure, which told her that the first speaker up would be Terys de Valen, a woman from Sterlir. She'd be up in fifteen minutes. Scanning quickly through, she found Oila's slot, after lunch on the final day. Trici made a note to bring the list to lunch with Aren and Quill.

Well that was certainly quite the combination of things there. That most definitely is haunting to say the least. Utterly terrifying is also quite appropriate I would say. Its clear this person will perhaps play an important role here too from how much screen time he's getting in this pivotal moment.

Tria couldn't stay up. It didn't matter how much they tried. They slipped into dreams of the monastery, of Enas, of Epta, of all the others. Of all sixteen of the others children they had grown up- if you could even call it that- with.

Well it looks like that certainly had its affects there judging by that particular note. I think you've done a wonderful capturing that in this moment once again and this is really setting itself up neatly for the third chapter.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall I think this is a lovely little follow up to that first chapter that we saw and I think it really lends quite a bit of extra weigh to this trial. I can't wait to see how this is going to end up playing out.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Kate