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On the Overmorrow Chapter Three- Enter Eric

by Bluepanther512


Aren heard the bells toll nine times. Sighing, she called Marin over for the day's itinerary. A Sterlir, one Terys de Valen, would be the first -her time started in fifteen minutes- to speak. She would be followed by a fellow Sterlir, Griffin Parlos, and after his time was up, the council would break for lunch. She, of course, was going to lunch with Quill and Trici. 

Zinnia, her translator, was relaxed in a corner. Aren turned to her questioning, "We've got to be up in ten minutes. Ready?"

"Yeah, I got breakfast and I'm dressed up properly. I talked to the other translators a bit ago; Pyros is the only one who knows Gilish, so he'll be the one translating for the second speaker. Quill mentioned that two of the afternoon's speakers will need to be translated for everyone", Zinnia replied, her light accent punctuating her 'T's.

"Got it. Follow my lead if you don't know what to do. The others will start lining up for their entrances rather soon",  Aren said, turning to the door. She motioned for Zinnia to follow, holding the door open for her.

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"And lastly, I'll be going out to lunch, so I won't be available during the break", Quill stated, running out of breath, to Mari.

"That's the whole day's itinerary?", questioned Mari.

"That's it. Ready?"

"Yes. If you don't know what to do, just follow my lead. And remember, Quill, even if we all are on a first-name basis, there is a crowd watching", Mari said, holding the door for Quill, "I'd like you to be as formal as possible while translating."

"Got that", Quill replied, leaving the room. Mari followed, briefly speeding up to be even with him. They passed by several doors- those would be the other ambassadors' rooms- which were carved with the ornate, intricate designs of their respective country's seal. Several of the others had already begun lining up. Aren, up ahead of Mari and him, caught his eye and nodded subtly at him. He returned the gesture.

He ended up behind Dwilen in the translators' line, Mari parallel to him in the other. Liara, Eric's translator. If he remembered correctly, she had been working with a translator in Eric's retinue since before he had retired from fighting to take his role as an ambassador.

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Eric saw this all as pointless. He already knew his stance on The Evil. He had fought it, either personally or in command of others, for long enough to know they wouldn't be able to reason or deal with it. If absolute power corrupted absolutely, then so did absolute evil. They might play nice for a while, but they would turn, they would attack, and humanity wouldn't be prepared. The best-case scenario would be hundreds of thousands of deaths. Why some from more distant nations never realised that, Eric didn't know, but the idea posed a threat nonetheless.

He had already made up his mind. No matter what, he was going to vote against a treaty. The others, though, might not be so set in their stance, either way. He would have to try to target those who could have their minds changed and make absolutely sure that they would vote against a treaty.

The 15-minute bells told, snapping Eric out of his train of thought. An attendant on each side opened the doors and the group filed into the commons. Murmurs from around the room quieted. Chairs scraped, grinding against the ground, as the delegations sat down. A presenter at the head of the room began the proceedings in a doubtlessly boring statement that Eric decided to tune out. It would just be a restatement of the itinerary Liara had given him to read an hour ago. He would wait a few minutes for the speaker to begin their speech.

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Tria was snapped alert by a speaker, clad in a light grey dress, similar in tone to their own outfit, who began speaking. Even if they were tried, Tria was determined to listen. As long as the monastery got their information, it would be worth it. The speaker began, "Ladies, gentlemen, and all those in between, may I have your attention. Today the Council of World Powers' appointed representatives shall listen to the first seven speakers, from 9:15 AM to 8:30 PM, with a break from 12:00 PM to 1:00 PM for lunch. Speakers shall have 75 minutes to deliver their speeches and will be allotted an additional 15 minutes to answer questions and defend their speeches. The topic of these meetings shall be the decision to- or not to- proceed with negotiations for a treaty to peacefully co-exist with the Grand Army and Armada of Demons, Hellbeasts, and Creatures of Darkness, more commonly known as The Evil

"The representatives of the nations shall be Representative Aren de Gephyra of Arina, accompanied by her translator Zinnia de Qualan; General Eric Myros of Ferthusia", she paused before continuing, "commonly known by his epithet 'The Bloodaxe'; accompanied by his translator Liara de la Rosa; Departement Head Mari de Thern of Sterlir, accompanied by her translator Quill Pes do Fyores; Council Head Rei Wathrel of Rathia, accompanied by their translator Dwilin Sarathi; Duke Aris von Grissom of Zeryzian, accompanied by his translator Reqei Uehara; Minister Hothal Derisz of Mexai, accompanied by his translator Paula Tritalya; and lastly Representitave Pucoths Ragthdottir of Iridawal, accompanied by her translator Pyros Nike.

"By accordance of the Council of World Powers, a majority of votes- four- are required for the motions to pass. A representative may either vote 'For', 'Against', or 'Abstain', the announcer explained before pausing. Tria started scribbling notes on a pad of paper in their lap, realizing it may be a good idea. Taking a breath, she continued her statement, "The voting period shall occur no earlier than 8:30 PM on the third and final day, overmorrow. Representatives shall be given a one-hour lunch break, followed by an hour and a half of deliberation. Representatives may, should they wish, call upon a speaker to reiterate or clarify a point in their speech during said time.

"Lastly, a representative who has already cast a vote may change their vote, so long as it is within the allotted timeframe for deliberation. Should no vote be cast, they shall be automatically assigned 'Abstain'.

"With that out of the way, please give a hand to your first speaker, Speaker Terys de Valen, who hails from the nation of Sterlir.", the woman finished. She stepped to the side, allowing a shorter woman sporting cyan eyes. Tria noted that the speaker's stark white hair matched her suit.

"Speaker de Valen, you may commence your speech."

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Out of Story:

Hey y'all, I made some minor edits to Chapters 1 & 2 of the story to make it clearer where POVs change. If you noticed an isolated '.' at the end of a line break, those were replaced with a line of '-'. Nothing else has changed.


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Sat Jun 22, 2024 11:26 pm
EllieMae wrote a review...



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Hello there, friend :D Ellie here to leave a quick review. I hope you are having a wonderful day! Let's get right into the review!! <33

"Yeah, I got breakfast and I'm dressed up properly. I talked to the other translators a bit ago; Pyros is the only one who knows Gilish, so he'll be the one translating for the second speaker. Quill mentioned that two of the afternoon's speakers will need to be translated for everyone", Zinnia replied, her light accent punctuating her 'T's.


I really like your writing style. It seems like you have really built a fascinating world for this novel! I wanted to comment on your comma placement at the end of one of your sentences. I suggest that you reformat it so that it looks like this instead:

"...speakers will need to be translated for everyone," Zinnia replied, her light accent punctuating her 'T's"

I recommend that you more the comma before you close the " " quotation marks :)

Eric saw this all as pointless. He already knew his stance on The Evil. He had fought it, either personally or in command of others, for long enough to know they wouldn't be able to reason or deal with it. If absolute power corrupted absolutely, then so did absolute evil. They might play nice for a while, but they would turn, they would attack, and humanity wouldn't be prepared. The best-case scenario would be hundreds of thousands of deaths. Why some from more distant nations never realised that, Eric didn't know, but the idea posed a threat nonetheless.


I like how you are able to speak for a variety of characters and adapt to their unique thoughts, actions, and intentions. I found this to be a very dialogue heavy chapter, which you did an awesome job working through and keeping things organized, for a chapter with so much variety of characters and speaking parts.

"Speaker de Valen, you may commence your speech."


I thought it was cool that 'ending a speech' was the last sentence in a chapter. That felt like a good way to end it, to me :D Awesome work with this chapter and I look forward to reading more soon. Overall, great work!

Your friend,
Ellie

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Fri Jun 07, 2024 4:24 am
kaitlyn wrote a review...



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Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!


First Impression

Well this was a nice little setup here to the hearing to come I think. The previous chapter did a good job setting up who was in it and then now we're really setting it all up leading right to that starting announcement.

Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;

Aren heard the bells toll nine times. Sighing, she called Marin over for the day's itinerary. A Sterlir, one Terys de Valen, would be the first -her time started in fifteen minutes- to speak. She would be followed by a fellow Sterlir, Griffin Parlos, and after his time was up, the council would break for lunch. She, of course, was going to lunch with Quill and Trici.

Zinnia, her translator, was relaxed in a corner. Aren turned to her questioning, "We've got to be up in ten minutes. Ready?"

"Yeah, I got breakfast and I'm dressed up properly. I talked to the other translators a bit ago; Pyros is the only one who knows Gilish, so he'll be the one translating for the second speaker. Quill mentioned that two of the afternoon's speakers will need to be translated for everyone", Zinnia replied, her light accent punctuating her 'T's.

"Got it. Follow my lead if you don't know what to do. The others will start lining up for their entrances rather soon", Aren said, turning to the door. She motioned for Zinnia to follow, holding the door open for her.


Well things are getting started fairly normally from the looks of things, normal orders going out and everyone rallying around it for the moment all ready to get things underway.

"And lastly, I'll be going out to lunch, so I won't be available during the break", Quill stated, running out of breath, to Mari.

"That's the whole day's itinerary?", questioned Mari.

"That's it. Ready?"

"Yes. If you don't know what to do, just follow my lead. And remember, Quill, even if we all are on a first-name basis, there is a crowd watching", Mari said, holding the door for Quill, "I'd like you to be as formal as possible while translating."


Well looks like we've got a few special orders going out to some extent there because of the nature of this particular hearing. I think that's a good little setup just to showcase to us as well how exactly this is going to be going about.

"Got that", Quill replied, leaving the room. Mari followed, briefly speeding up to be even with him. They passed by several doors- those would be the other ambassadors' rooms- which were carved with the ornate, intricate designs of their respective country's seal. Several of the others had already begun lining up. Aren, up ahead of Mari and him, caught his eye and nodded subtly at him. He returned the gesture.

He ended up behind Dwilen in the translators' line, Mari parallel to him in the other. Liara, Eric's translator. If he remembered correctly, she had been working with a translator in Eric's retinue since before he had retired from fighting to take his role as an ambassador.


Well looks like they've got everyone all lined up and ready to go now, and finally after a couple of chapter we're about to witness it all properly go down here. Looking forward to seeing how that'll be.

Eric saw this all as pointless. He already knew his stance on The Evil. He had fought it, either personally or in command of others, for long enough to know they wouldn't be able to reason or deal with it. If absolute power corrupted absolutely, then so did absolute evil. They might play nice for a while, but they would turn, they would attack, and humanity wouldn't be prepared. The best-case scenario would be hundreds of thousands of deaths. Why some from more distant nations never realised that, Eric didn't know, but the idea posed a threat nonetheless.

He had already made up his mind. No matter what, he was going to vote against a treaty. The others, though, might not be so set in their stance, either way. He would have to try to target those who could have their minds changed and make absolutely sure that they would vote against a treaty.


Well it looks like Eric know what he wants but is also worried that there's too much of a divide there for everyone to immediately agree on that which is an interesting moment here in terms of what the majority opinion is going to turn out to be.

The 15-minute bells told, snapping Eric out of his train of thought. An attendant on each side opened the doors and the group filed into the commons. Murmurs from around the room quieted. Chairs scraped, grinding against the ground, as the delegations sat down. A presenter at the head of the room began the proceedings in a doubtlessly boring statement that Eric decided to tune out. It would just be a restatement of the itinerary Liara had given him to read an hour ago. He would wait a few minutes for the speaker to begin their speech.


Well it seems things are now fully getting underway now one by one. Looking forward to seeing how this is going to play out here. There's a lot of anticipation build up by this point.

Tria was snapped alert by a speaker, clad in a light grey dress, similar in tone to their own outfit, who began speaking. Even if they were tried, Tria was determined to listen. As long as the monastery got their information, it would be worth it. The speaker began, "Ladies, gentlemen, and all those in between, may I have your attention. Today the Council of World Powers' appointed representatives shall listen to the first seven speakers, from 9:15 AM to 8:30 PM, with a break from 12:00 PM to 1:00 PM for lunch. Speakers shall have 75 minutes to deliver their speeches and will be allotted an additional 15 minutes to answer questions and defend their speeches. The topic of these meetings shall be the decision to- or not to- proceed with negotiations for a treaty to peacefully co-exist with the Grand Army and Armada of Demons, Hellbeasts, and Creatures of Darkness, more commonly known as The Evil.

"The representatives of the nations shall be Representative Aren de Gephyra of Arina, accompanied by her translator Zinnia de Qualan; General Eric Myros of Ferthusia", she paused before continuing, "commonly known by his epithet 'The Bloodaxe'; accompanied by his translator Liara de la Rosa; Departement Head Mari de Thern of Sterlir, accompanied by her translator Quill Pes do Fyores; Council Head Rei Wathrel of Rathia, accompanied by their translator Dwilin Sarathi; Duke Aris von Grissom of Zeryzian, accompanied by his translator Reqei Uehara; Minister Hothal Derisz of Mexai, accompanied by his translator Paula Tritalya; and lastly Representitave Pucoths Ragthdottir of Iridawal, accompanied by her translator Pyros Nike.


Okayy I feel like this part could probably do with being shortened, I understand this would certainly actually be said in the actual meeting but when you're reading it, there's a lot of information the reader's don't necessarily need like all those names and its a little tougher to read so you could skip and only mention the important parts and imply the rest of the names were said. Its not a big deal, it works as it is, but just a little suggestion.

"By accordance of the Council of World Powers, a majority of votes- four- are required for the motions to pass. A representative may either vote 'For', 'Against', or 'Abstain', the announcer explained before pausing. Tria started scribbling notes on a pad of paper in their lap, realizing it may be a good idea. Taking a breath, she continued her statement, "The voting period shall occur no earlier than 8:30 PM on the third and final day, overmorrow. Representatives shall be given a one-hour lunch break, followed by an hour and a half of deliberation. Representatives may, should they wish, call upon a speaker to reiterate or clarify a point in their speech during said time.

"Lastly, a representative who has already cast a vote may change their vote, so long as it is within the allotted timeframe for deliberation. Should no vote be cast, they shall be automatically assigned 'Abstain'.


Loving these clear instructions here, a very clever way to tell us what's going on too, so that we know what to expect when the proceeding actually beging. A lovely touch thatww

"With that out of the way, please give a hand to your first speaker, Speaker Terys de Valen, who hails from the nation of Sterlir.", the woman finished. She stepped to the side, allowing a shorter woman sporting cyan eyes. Tria noted that the speaker's stark white hair matched her suit.

"Speaker de Valen, you may commence your speech."


Ahhh so it begins although it seems we must wait one more chapter to see the actual full details of it all unfold here. It looks set to be quite the tense scene here.

Aaand that's it for this oneee!!!

Overall

Overall I think this was quite nicely done here, a good look at how things are being set up and of course a great recap on the rules and the importance of this meeting. Looking forward to seeing where we go next here.

As always remember to: Take what you think was helpful and forget the rest!

Stay Safe and Have a Nice Day!
Kate


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Morning without you is a dwindled dawn.
— Emily Dickenson