Bitter Sweet- Chapter Four

by Bittersweet
  • June 19, 2008
  • Novel / Chapter
  • Unfinished or Crap that No One Should Read
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Comments & reviews · 2
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Merry_Haven
Review
Merry_Haven wrote a review · Fri Sep 05, 2008 5:37 pm

Holly-
This chapter seemed a little odd to me. Maybe because it was too short, but it was cute for Mae's birthday.
I want to know what's going on with Mae's dreams, her mom, and the kids at school. And what happened to Wiley? Her was there for a second and now gone.
Sorry, if this didn't seem much of a review. But you really have me intrigued with this sorry. It's so captivating.
-Merry

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KailaMarie
Review
KailaMarie wrote a review · Fri Jul 18, 2008 1:33 am

i think its a cute chapter.

Yes, this boy belonged in the second grade

haha, what boy doesnt?


But one day he’ll, be wrinklier and wiser than I.”

i dont think you need the comma after "he'll"


I said with an incredulously.

you might want to say something like, "I said incredulously"
or maybe "I said with an incredulous voice" or something else.



Never use your shield as a dinner plate, for that is when the enemy is most likely to attack.
— The KotGR Commander