Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,573 Literary Works • 673,519 Reviews
Holly-
Dude, that last part was just great. Loved it!
The cheesiness of Wiley was hilarious! That totally made me crack up laughing.
And there is absolutely NO way that I'm gonna tear this up. This is too good.
Oh, and what happened to Mae's mom and her weird dreams?
-Merry
lol, they must go to my school. (the french fries would literally crack if you tried to bend them)
i could picture someone like him being more like "I know you dont really want to sit with them!" like, idk, a little more like he knows what she wants better than she does. I would suggest having him ask her less, and have him tell her more.
this just needs an end quote mark.
other than little things, this was REALLY good! =D
This was really good! I love your descriptions
Nit-pickiness:
This seems a little unrealistic because he's completely talking her ear off and guys aren't usually like that. Also, guys like him don't really say "I understand" it's more of a "I know" or "I get why". Usually, guys like Wiley don't like to sound educated because they think they'll look stupid
I think that you could easily condense it to something like "I get why you didn't really want to come over last time, you probably didn't want to sit with a bunch of strangers. But, you should try it! It's really fun over there. At least lot more fun then these losers..." (He's still talking her ear off, but it's only to get his point across and also his sentences are a lot shorter - making him seem much more unintelligent because of the short sentences).
I love your ending:
It's just priceless,