Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.
Want no part in this war of yours
Don't want to hold you while you scream
I'm so damn tired of your fight
So fucking done with your life
---
I'm fighting a battle I can't win
You're dragging me under
I'm holding on to you
But I'm losing my mind
Losing my world
As you hold me in your sins
---
Want no part in this goddamn battle
This is not my fight
I shouldn't have to hold you
When the nightmares come at night
---
I'm fighting a battle I can't win
You're dragging me under
I'm holding on to you
But I'm losing my mind
Losing my world
As you hold me in your sins
---
I'm sorry you're not strong enough,
I'm sorry you're not good enough
To make it worth my while
This is what he says to me
I'm not goddamn fucking worth it
This is who I love
I can't escape this trap because
I need him even more than I hate him
I need the one who will pull the pin
I need the lover who will kill me in the end
---
I'm fighting a battle I can't win
You're dragging me under
I'm holding on to you
But I'm losing my mind
Losing my world
As you hold me in your sins
As you hold me in your sins
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140,433 Literary Works • 673,187 Reviews
So I know this is unedited and Purple is commented on the same thing, but...
I find the swearing to be really distracting when reading to this.
Because you're effing in like every other line and it does just ruin it
You don't need it, when you remove it, you've still got the bones of a good piece and it doesn't need to be reliant on foul language to do that.
Aside from the cursing, you've got some nice, traditional ideas on 'sin' and being unworthy.
I like it. Very dramatic. Very strong.
Hey there! Purple here for a review! Let's get down to business.
This is good! I can hear your music coming through this and of course lots of emotion. And I get what you were feeling and how angry you were, but just remember that swearing isn't always to show "Hey! YES! I'm super angry right now!" it has a slight purpose - emphasis. And my thing is to always be careful what you put emphasis on because when you make everything important then nothing is important. It's like saying everyone is special but then that means nobody is really special. This especially shows in the line "I'm not goddamn fucking worth it" because simply saying that this guy said "you aren't worth it" is intense enough, and then with 2 swear words it loses its effect. I would edit that line to "He said I'm not even worth it" or "I'm not even worth his time (, just wasting it)" or something like that. Have a nice day and keep writing
~Purple
Thanx purple! Yeah, I realize that I had alot of cussing in there, which is why this is labeled the "unedited version".
I have another version just titled "My Sins" and it only has like 1 swear in it, and the lyrics are somewhat different.
However, one of my followers asked me to post the original, so I did. I'm glad you liked it though! Thanx for the review