“I’m not a child, Treego.” Chip’s jaw was clenched as tight as Treego had ever seen it. He struggled to meet Chip’s eyes but forced himself to. He set his own jaw in reply.
They were in a small windowless room with cream walls and a simple lamp hanging down from the ceiling. Treego was fairly sure these rooms were habitually used for storing random piles of equipment that nobody really needed, wanted or understood. As a result that meant nobody ever went there so at least, Treego figured, public humiliation wasn’t what Chip had in mind. Or maybe, he just didn’t want his crew to hear what Treego had to say.
“I understand that, Chip, but –”
“Clearly you don’t Treego.” Chip snarled.
“Then explain it to me, Chip.” Snarling wasn’t really an option for a frog so Treego settled for darting his tongue out and in. “Explain to me how almost ordering an entire dukedom’s defence fleet on a pointless search for an enemy you had no proof was nearby is not the action of a child.”
“I accept that I’ve made mistakes.” Chip breathed slowly. “And that is rarely the action of a child.”
“Louis is a child,” said Treego, “Or near enough. And he misses his mother, your own sister, but he feels that he can’t talk to you because he’s worried about you. Louis might not have any major mistakes to admit but it is abundantly clear that he is not the child in this situation.”
Chip snarled again and folded his arms across his chest. Front legs? It was hard to tell. Chip was upright so much these days it was hard to know whether his upper limbs counted as legs anymore.
“What do you want from me, Treego?” Chip exclaimed, spreading his arms wide. “Do you want me to assemble everyone to inform them of my mental stability? Have I not been proving myself since we got back from Aeralis?”
Treego shrugged. “You’ve not spoken a word about what happened, or about Lezeki at all. You’ve been so nice to Kernik that it basically looks like you’re trying to make up for his brother. And Margo Whipple’s been handling all the disciplinary action because she doesn’t want the various minor breaches to upset you.”
Chip was silent for a few moments then leaned back against a table. “Well, Officer Dart, I never asked her to do that, so maybe I’ll send her a message. I, your Captain, hereby administer you with disciplinary measure one-oh-four. Private comms privileges suspended for one week. Why don’t you open up a public comms channel with Dr. Whipple and inform her of your situation?”
Treego gulped, which produced that stupid cartoon ‘ribbit’ sound. “Chip, I …”
“Actually –” Chip waved a paw – “Wait a few moments. It wouldn’t send the best message to my parents for their first impression of a Jungle Corps Space Team ship to be the Chief of Conditions Management explaining how he went behind their son’s back.”
Treego’s eyes bulged and he nearly choked. “Wait, what?”
“It is … very … obvious that you care about my family. We’ve known each other a long time, on various levels of awareness. I am going to call my parents, or at least call this number and see what happens. You should be on this call, Treego. It wouldn’t have happened without you.” Chip almost didn’t smile, but his glaring eyes stopped staring at Treego and wandered around the room for a bit. Treego gulped again.
“Thank you, Chip – er, Captain. I appreciate it … I really do.” Treego tried to smile but shuddered to think what sort of mangled grimace he was presenting to Chip. Chip had always been merciful, it was true. If he was trying to show he was back to his old self, Treego guessed that made sense.
Chip nodded. “I understand, Treego. Come on, Louis is waiting for us in my private comms booth.”
***
Chip’s private comms booth was far less clinical than Treego had been expecting. The walls were painted a deep, dark green that reminded him of the shadowy spaces in close clusters of jungle leaves. There were a few maps of Earth, one of which had little blue pins dotted all over it. Chip explained that each of these pins represented the home of a different crew member, although several crew members actually shared pins. There was a big blue cluster marking the patch of rainforest that Chip, Treego and Louis had all come from. Treego smiled. Chip may undoubtedly have arms, but he clearly remembered his home.
One wall of the room was almost entirely taken up with a screen the width of a strip of film. Its display showed only a long black rectangle that stretched out horizontally like a letterbox. At its left extremity a white carat blinked patiently while Chip explained the map to Treego and Louis. But then he was done, and it was time to start typing. There was a keyboard mounted on the wall, just below the box, which Chip used to enter in his parents’ phone number.
“They might know about Martha, Louis. Are you ready?” Chip stared straight at his nephew, who nodded and stared right past him at the screen. Chip turned to Treego. “How about you?”
“I don’t think I’ll be saying much, Chip,” Treego said, “But I’m here if you need me.”
“Thank you.” Chip nodded and turned back to the screen, then clicked the call button.
There were about five or six rings, during which Treego could feel his heartbeat synchronising with the hurried beep-beep-beep of the dial tone. He didn’t even want to imagine what the other two had to be feeling.
Then there they were. Mr and Mrs Puccoon. There were some species that Treego struggled to tell the difference between members of, but the abundance of primates on board the ship had given him an eye for the differences over the past couple of years. Nonetheless, the resemblance between the four spider monkeys in front of him gave Treego the momentary impression that he was looking into a mirror … or maybe a mirror that aged those in front of it by a generation or so.
Chip let out a shriek of joy and his mouth opened wide. He grabbed Louis around the waist and hugged him tight.
“It’s them!” he shouted, “I can practically smell them!”
Louis grinned. “Hello Grandma, Grandpa. Your son is very happy to see you. He is also suffocating me. Chip, please let me go.”
Chip chuckled and ruffled the tuft of fur that always stood up on Louis’ head.
“Mum, Dad,” he said, taking a deep breath, “It is so very very wonderful to see you.”
The monkey on the screen’s left – Treego had no idea which was which – was grinning with their eyes screwed up tight, as if they were trying to force tears back. “Hello, Chip, my son! I never thought I’d say that again … although I’m not sure I ever have … Oh, you know what I mean. And hi, Louis, too! And er, who’s the frog?”
“Oh!” Chip whirled round to his left to face Treego. “This is Officer Treego Dart, our Chief of Conditions Management. Treego, this is my mum, Wyeri, and my dad, Niter.”
Chip gestured at one then the other. The one who had spoken was his father.
“Nice to meet you, Officer Dart,” Wyeri said. Then she reached out to the screen as if to stroke Louis. “You were so small the last time we saw you, Louis!”
Louis sprang forward as if to meet her hand and reached his own up to the screen. As his hand made contact with the smooth glass his shoulders sagged and he leaned forward, resting his head against it.
“I love you, Grandma,” he murmured.
“We love you too, Louis,” Wyeri said, then clamped her hand over her wobbling mouth.
Niter took a few shaky breaths then said, “Chip, I just … I don’t understand … Why haven’t you contacted us before?”
Wyeri wiped her eyes and added. “We’d always assumed you were forbidden to contact us – or you didn’t have our number or something.”
Chip’s entire body was trembling but he managed to reply, “Until recently, it was the latter. Then your number became known to us. We – well, Louis and Treego – managed to hack into some sort of account of Martha’s, and it had you two listed as a contact detail.”
Niter hiccupped. “That … that’s right. The JCST contacted us on that number last year to inform us … to let us know that Martha had died.”
His resolve cracked and he burrowed his head into Wyeri’s shoulder. Treego’s eyes widened and he glanced first at Chip then at Louis. How much of what they’d found had Louis told Chip? He looked back at Louis, but there were so many emotions plastered across his face that it was impossible to tell which one meant what.
“What? What is it?” Wyeri’s eyes narrowed and Niter drew himself up from leaning on her.
“What is what, honey?” he asked.
“The frog – Treego. Look at him.” Wyeri pointed at the screen and Treego felt as if her outstretched finger was stabbing right into his gut. What the hell did he tell them? He had to tell them something, right? Neither of his companions were crying, muttering to themselves, or even really doing anything other than staring at the ground with their eyes wide.
“Tell them, Treego,” Louis eventually whispered, “At the very least it’s good news.”
Treego nodded and looked straight into Wyeri’s eyes. “When we were in your daughter’s account, we found something detailing recent activity. Where isn’t important right now. But the when – that was two weeks ago. I have no idea where she is right now, but two weeks ago Martha was alive.”
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Okay, last chapter and then I'm going to have a break and watch an episode of Grimm. I'm getting pretty obsessed with the show so I can't guarantee it won't turn into 2 episodes and then bed time!
There should be a comma before Treego and the full stop should be a comma as well.Specifics
1.
2. This doesn't make sense to me - children always makes mistakes. Half of childhood is making mistakes and learning from them.
3. It's good to see that Treego feels he can talk back to Chip, though I think he's pushier than I would be!In Chip's position I'd feel quite disrespected to be honest but at the same time, someone needs to stand up to authority figures so at least Chip's calm headed enough not to enforce his threat of punishment.
4. It seems a bit odd that Chip doesn't have the number for his parents and yet his sister did. I hope we get an explanation on that at some point!
Overall
The reunion is sweet and while I still don't fully understand why one sibling would have the parents' number and not the other, this was a strong, emotional chapter. I don't have much else to say - the plot advances nicely and while we don't get much new information about the characters, it's another step toward making Chip like-able again, which I think is a good thing.
Perhaps Treego is the wrong person to break the news at the end though and it seems weird for Louis to tell him to say something and I don't quite understand what Treego does which gives away that he knows something. That part seemed very forced and like you were trying to find a way to make Treego have some purpose in being at the call. I think it would be just as powerful, if not more so, for Chip to be the one who tells them. Or eve Louis since you've shown he's not good at keeping his thoughts to himself. It would make sense for him to immediately protest.
Hopefully that gives you a few things to think about and if I'm not back again today, I'll definitely get the 5th review in before the month is out. It's a promise!
~Heather
“Clearly you don’t Treego.” Chip snarled, - comma before Treego.
'Chip snarled again and folded his arms across his chest. Front legs?' - I'm pretty sure monkey's have arms and legs, at least from nature shows and things they always refer to them as arms. I think its a bit odd that another member of the animal kingdom would get confused by that, unless its intentional.
'Chip waved a paw' - hand.
I scan read a review below and it is a bit odd that Chip seems to want to know about his sister yet did not do what Treego and Louis did and look for his parents number himself. He is the captain, surely it would be really easy for him to go through the files?
'Chip may undoubtedly have arms, but he clearly remembered his home.- Again, monkeys do use their arms like humans use arms. Yes, he is probably more humanlike now but monkeys are already a lot like us.
'What the hell did he tell them?' - 'What the hell should he tell them?', 'did' suggests he had already told them something.
Nice strong ending but I found it a little odd that Louis got Treego to tell his grandparents about Martha. I feel like it would feel more realistic if, like, Louis just became over-excitable and blurted out that his mum is still alive.
Hm...maybe I could make it a bit clearer that Louis is barely forcing those words out.

Thanks for the review
As a result that meant nobody ever went there so at least.
Anyway, hello again! I'm here to review... as third reviewer?! Your story is getting very popular.

For some weird reason this reminded me of Chamber of Secrets and the girl's bathroom.
Snarling wasn’t really an option for a frog so Treego settled for darting his tongue out and in.
I know beginning with in doesn't make much sense but it would sound so much more... normal. Out and in just isn't the right order, if you know what I mean. It's always in and out.
Chip was upright so much these days it was hard to know whether his upper limbs counted as legs anymore.
It's good that you mentioned his stance. It's something I'm sure readers will wonder about.
Thank you.” Chip nodded and turned back to the screen, then clicked the call button.
Don't get me wrong, I'm very touched by this interaction. Treego seems to love their family a lot. I don't think there's quite enough justification as to why though. I thought he was just helping Louis because he was a kind sort of person (like a teacher helps their student)- is there an underlying reason? The way Chip is speaking makes me think so.
Where isn’t important right now. But the when – that was two weeks ago. I have no idea where she is right now, but two weeks ago Martha was alive.”
This was a very powerful ending. Put 'when' and 'where' in italics to make it even better. Great job, keep it coming!
Hm... I see what you mean about the justification. There is the fact that they grew up near to each other, but I'll come up with some element of back story in my head and slip in a detail to reference that and make it make more sense.

Thanks for the review
Hi again! Now let’s look an analysis of your chapter here. I’m excited to read more!
Wow, this is really good. It’s so interesting and I truly enjoyed reading it. I don’t know how else to say it. The argument between Treego and Chip was interesting and drew me in. It was a great way to start a chapter. I liked this so much!!!
Now, there were a few nitpicks. Nothing too serious, just some things.
Since you’re talking of a past action, the “is” here should be “was”.
I think you meant, “hardly”. Rarely isn’t a word that fits in here.
Here, Chip is mad and being rhetorical and slightly sarcastic, so I think he’d say “instability” instead of “stability”. It would then be like him sarcastically saying to Treego: “What, you want me to assemble everyone and tell them I’m crazy?” It fits with what he’s saying to be sarcastic and rather rude here.
One zero four unless you’re willing to write it like 104.
That’s it! No more critiques. Good job and keep writing!
Sincerely,
Chie
Thanks for the review! I'm glad you like it
Fun fact: my boyfriend says the cat's front legs are arms and his front paws are hands. And the cat really doesn't even spend much time upright (except when he's trying to look out a window that's too high up).
So two big questions for this chapter. Actually, one is kind of small, so let's start with that one first.
Chip literally didn't know his own parents' number? They have all this space-age technology but he doesn't have his parents' number stored somewhere? That seems a little funky. Especially since, if I'm understanding this correctly, Martha is Chip's sister, and obviously she had their parents' number - or at least had it when she filled out her employment papers and emergency contact.
The other thing is, the chapter starts off with Chip angry at Treego. Even when Treego lays some pretty harsh truths on him (like the fact that Louis, a child, is acting more grown-up), Chip doesn't calm down and go, "You know what, you're right?" He still seems angry and unwilling to accept it.
But then we get here
and he explains all this stuff to Treego as if nothing angry just passed between them, and then for the rest of the chapter it's like it never happened. It just seemed to lack a transition from angry to not-angry. I mean, maybe Chip actually is still angry (until his parents come onscreen and he forgets that he's angry) and is trying to hide it because Louis is in the room now, but in that case Treego should pick up on that.
To the first question: I hope this is a result of you not having read all the previous chapters because in the chapter just before this they first find record of Chip's sister, having not being aware of her whereabouts. Does that clear that up?

To the second: Ah, I was wondering if that would come off or not. The idea is that Chip is trying to be firm and show that he's not emotionally unstable, but Treego is still his friend. I was trying to have him be sort of the perfect firm-but-fair captain there, because he's trying to show he's capable of being a really good captain at that moment. Would something like this work:
"Uh, thank you, Chip." Treego stared at Chip and tried to work out what was going on.
"That's your punishment, Treego, and you'll take it," Chip said, "But I'm not going to hold you in contempt forever. Come on, it's important that you're there."
Thanks for the review
Yeah, I think if Treego, as our current viewpoint character, realizes Chip is angry but is *trying* to be the firm-but-fair captain, that'll work.
And to the other one...it's really that I just don't understand why Chip didn't have his own parents' phone number. Was that explained in a prior chapter? My question actually has nothing to do with his sister, except that I thought it was weird that *she* had their parents' number, but he didn't until he looked at her file.
Will change.
It do promise it makes sense for backstory reasons that haven't been revealed yet, but I don't really know what to do with that :/
Well, all right. If you say it will make sense at some point, I trust that it will
But... hm, it probably should make sense without me having to tell the reader that. I'll try and put something in the previous chapter about how nobody has any personal phone numbers of other animals or something