The Perfect Life

Hi Mask! Can I call you that?

This poem is really beautiful. I'm not a poet, so I'm not sure how helpful my review will be, but I can tell when I find a poem I like--and this is one that I like a lot.

You build a sense of mood really well all through the poem. You start off by saying what people think of your life, and how they think it is perfect... then you disprove them. At first, you disprove them only gently. You say that it is not perfect, but you say so in a "nothing is perfect" kind of way. But then it gets worse. "Our hopes are killed." You introduce hatred and treachery--I seem to get a sense of feeling betrayed by people you once looked up to. I'm not sure where that impression comes from, but it definitely works for your advantage, methinks.

Then you describe trying to appreciate this imperfect world. "To find the truth within lies." This feels like innocence struggling in a corrupted world. From here on, I can feel the narrator becoming agitated. I can feel you saying that you only want to be happy and perfect, and you are tired of ignoring the imperfections of your life... and then the last line makes this sudden storm of emotion come to a close. It is an ironic line, but it is also a hopeful line. It also promises that the narrator will continue to pretend that life is perfect, which is both a sweet and a sour note, and leaves me with lots to think about.

I'm actually not sure what I should recommend you change about this. xD It works very well the way it is now and I'd hate to be responsible for making you ruin it! I'm a little intrigued and confused about the whole "them vs. us" thing. For some reason, when I was reading this, I thought "us" to be young people in general and "them" to be adults. Not sure why I thought this, but whether you intended it or not I think it works quite nicely.

I really can't think of anything negative to say about this. >.> The rhythm of it is easy to read and it reads very smoothly. The word choices are eloquent while also being natural. It is both sweet and poignant.

I'm sorry I couldn't be more helpful with this! I really liked it.

a

I found this poem excellent. It rivals my own poetry in craft. Beautifully written, and enlightening. I have not read something like that on here in a long time (I don't mean to offend anyone). The way you use simplistic language is simply amazing, and genuine. I feel the same way about life in general. To be a realist is hard. That is what drove this home for me. The world is a harsh place, and though we try to find peace, and happiness, we usually only find misery. Underneath every person is a monster, and in this world that is coming out more and more, protruding from beneath the golden paved streets wee want to see in our minds and the wide open spaces of fields where sun bathes the soul and there is no darkness.

This is really good. You can completely understand how you're feeling in this. Great Job

i would change absolutly nothing. wich is upsetting, because now i have nothing to say. haha. it really is great. ive always been thinking about things likethis, and you know that. im glad to see it put in words.

great work
its worded so truthfully

i liked the lines

Between the lines
Our hopes are killed
By cruel words
And betraying faces