I have always felt free
To help those in need,
Though perhaps it seems,
It is I who is not seen.
For each day I watch
With unjudging eyes,
There are those who condemn me
And tell my friends the damned lies.
Is it really a sin
To have an opinion?
Shall I be put to death
For expressing concern?
My wits don’t define me,
My heart beats the same
As any who is different,
Who doesn’t play the same game.
Yet I’ve been defined
By evil words from you.
You all who don’t see me,
Well, it is I who sees you.
The true hatred inside you,
The burning fire in your soul.
It summons a demon,
And the fiend takes control.
Why is it I, who must pay for malevolence?
Why is it we, who is maimed and burned?
Though we are filled with loathing,
There is something we’ve learned.
Those who stay true
Will be rewarded in time,
And those who succumb
To the evil inside
Will surely discover,
When they are shrouded in light,
With metal on their wrists.
When the frigid cold hits them hardest,
They will only think of this:
Do onto others, as you’d have done to you.
Don’t give into darkness,
And remember, stay true.
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140,236 Literary Works • 673,049 Reviews
Though I did like this one a lot, I'm not sure I like it quite as much as The Perfect Life, but only because the subject matter seemed a little more cliché, and it also felt a little more vague. This poem, I'd say, is about fitting in in general. About being singled out and teased/bullied even though you are doing nothing wrong--or maybe even because you are doing something right. To me, it seems to be about feeling lonely and/or attacked for reasons that are beyond your control, and trying not to give in and change who you are just so you won't be teased.
This can be interpreted in many different ways, depending on who your reader is and what they are going through at the time of reading this. And that's a good thing, I think but personally I'd like to see a little more specificity. The way the poem is written feels to me as though it should be about something definite, but when I actually read it it seems more like a description of an emotion. It is an emotion that (I think) everyone has felt at one point or another, but it is still just an emotion. And one that people have written about before. I would really love to see the poem be something more specific to what you want to say--something that only you can say.
I'm also a little bit confused by your rhyme pattern, or rather lack thereof. Some stanzas rhyme, some don't, and I'm having a hard time discerning a pattern.
Anyhow, I'm not sure there's much more I can say about this. I'm really rather clueless when it comes to reviewing poetry. I need to study up on it, methinks. Good job, though! I had fun reading this. Let me know if you've got any questions or anything!
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Hey B, its Vee. Oooooookay, review time. Weellll, this poem has a nice theme, a very understandandable and relatable theme.
Nitpicks:
When you said
I think this line was too long, it breaks the rhythm. Maybe you could say "and tell my friends black lies" r something.
Also,
I think this is a good set of lines, but the part "you all who aee" seems a bit awkward.
Other than that, this is a well thought out poem. great job!
Hi there
I think this is the second poem of yours I've reviewed and I'm really enjoying your style of poetry.
Like the last poem I reviewed it has a pretty straight forward four line stanza structure. This works well for most of your poems but I would be interested in seeing you experiment with other less conventional structure.
On this poem in particular, I really like the message it's about.
The whole inner-conflict thing is very interesting.
In conclusion, good job.