The thundering sky poured on me, building my panic tremendously. I lift my heavy foot from the mud, trying to run for my life, but it’s like I’m in slow motion. The lights of the city shine far off, drawing me closer, but it’s so far away. My house somewhere in the town, me wishing my bed was here to comfort me. But before I can get there I’m aiming for the clearing about a half mile away. Although I am not sure if I’ll make it. My luck hasn’t been the luckiest today.
First I got a...really bad score on my science test. How was I supposed to tell my parents about that? I came here to think, the woods, full of humongous trees. Do you know where lightning likes to strike? Things high in the sky, a.k.a. trees. Just my luck.
Clouds blanket above me, I’m scared and frustrated, I have no idea what is going to happen. I can barely control myself. A flood of different emotions are trying to take all my power. My stomach is churning, and I have the feeling like I am going to explode. Which just might happen.
A wave of thunder vibrates in the air, followed by my screams. My chest is beating so quickly I might have a heart attack before I even make it to the clearing. Though I push the thought away in sight of a beautiful, treeless space.
I run faster than I’ve ever been capable of and I leap off the ground, shivers running down my spine, my legs about to erupt with the immense pressure I’ve put on them. I fall on the ground with a sigh of accomplishment. Yet when I open my eyes, all safety left me as flashes of electricity shoots through my body.
I walk into the police station, lucky to find it in this city I’m unfamiliar with. At the front desk I look at the officer hopefully. I’ll find out what’s going on soon enough.
“Hi, officer. It seems I’ve lost my memory, can you--”
He didn’t even bother to look up at me when he breathed out, “No.”
“Sir please, I’m lost and I don’t remember anything. I woke up on the grass near the forest over there, clueless of where I am and who I am. Will you please just get a thumbprint and figure out who I am and where I live. Please, I’m scared and I just want to go home.” I looked at the police officer with big puppy dog eyes. I told him everything I know, which isn’t much, but he could still be more helpful. “I’m hurt and my memory is lost, please help me out.”
He sits there with a carelessly, then finally puts his work down and moves his attention towards me. “Look kid, we’re a little busy here. And since you’re apparently hurt and have amnesia, maybe you should go to the doctor. You’re have no guardian with you, I don’t think we can help you out. Sorry, bye.” Congratulations, you’ve won most unhelpful cop in the world.
“Yeah, thanks for nothing.” I turn and walk out the door, not knowing what I’m going to do now. I really have no clue what to do. I’m alone, and I have nothing to comfort me. No happy memories, no warm clothes, no showers, no house. I am completely alone.
I go down the street, walking slowly, observing what’s around me. Hoping something might ring a bell. My sock soaks up water as I step in a puddle. “Ugh! Dang it,” I exclaim. I lift my foot, uncovering my face in the ripples. I stare down, gazed in my own reflection. I forced my mind to remember something, anything. Looking hard into my eyes, see into my mind and pull out as much information as possible. But none came out. I looked up, at the street full of honking cars. Through the cars, down the road a ways I see something. No, someone.
I jog down the sidewalk, stretching my head to make sure I was seeing correctly. Oh, no! No, no, no. A little boy, a cute little boy alone in the street. He’s about to get run over by a truck, an idiot at the wheel dancing to horrid music someone could hear from a block away. He doesn’t see the boy. If I don’t do something...splat. The thought makes me cringe, I jog a little faster. “Hey! Little boy! Get out of the road!” He turned his head at the sound of my voice, but he looked forward to the roar of the engine. “No!” I raced, grabbed the kid, ran to the sidewalk, expertly avoiding cars in the process.
I set him down, and he looked up at me with huge, blue eyes. “Thank you, Kalyn.”
“Kalyn? So that’s my name. Huh, that’s cool.”
“Yep. Um, can I ask you something?”
“Sure.” He glanced behind me, observing something far off. “What do you want to ask me?” He seemed to have to shake back to reality, focusing on me again.
“How did you run from all the way over there to here so fast?” I laughed, I couldn’t have ran that fast, especially with my injury. I turned slightly, seeing how far he really meant, but I jumped around, walking closer. I’m like, five block away. How? How on earth did that happen? I walked over to a building, looking forward to another wall. I run as fast as I can, the exhilaration, oh my gosh. I just moved with...super speed?
“I hope you’re okay, kid. I have to go, bye.” I walked back over to the police station, hoping, so help me, that this time won’t be a waste of time.
I pushed the door open out of breath, and made my way to the unhelpful man at the desk. I looked at him in the eyes, my face straight and stern. “I have an actual problem this time. Something’s wrong with--”
“You? Oh, I already know that. Is your memory still lost, child?”
“Yes, but--”
He held a hand up to me. I stared at it with hatred, so angry with this stupid police department who’s “too busy” for real issues in this world. Except I don’t even know what I was going to tell him anyway. ‘I have super speed.’ That wouldn’t have gone well. Not like this is going great. “Then I don’t think you’re really in the right condition to report crime. How do I know you even remember the laws.”
With a devilish smirk he said good bye. “Did I mention you’re unhelpful.” I went to go sit down, exhausted. I rub my eyes, and when my hands moved away from my eyes, I saw a bulletin board. On it was that little boy I just saved.
I did the last thing I wanted to do and turned back to the unhelpful officer at the desk. “I understand I’m not necessarily your favorite person in the world, but I really need you to tell me something. What’s going on with that little boy on the bulletin board over there? He looks familiar, I want make sure he’s alright.”
He was grabbing the bridge of his nose, indicating I was probably giving him a headache. “He went missing a couple days ago, and that’s all the information I give out. Now please, leave this station unless there’s a real problem.”
I was about to say thank you, I’ve changed my mind. The fact that I have no memory of anyone else, he’s made the top of my hate list.
Hopefully for the last time I walk out of the building. I lean against a brick wall, pondering where to sleep for the night, what to eat, many other questions fly in along with those. I close my eyes, trying once again to retrieve any memories I can. I probably looking like an idiot, I’m scrunching my face focusing as hard as possible.
I don’t know what to think, really. I’m angry, sad, frustrated, confused. But I could I be happy? I could have been an orphan, or my family could’ve have hated me. I don’t know what to feel. I don’t know if I’m going to have to fend for myself or if my family is looking for me. But I think it’s safe to say that right now I’m confused most of all. Am I a speedster? And not only that, who was that little boy?
My thoughts were interrupted by the slam of a car door. I open my eyes to hand covering my mouth, withholding my screams for help. I struggle, but the strength of this huge man is incredible. He steps into the backseats of a black van, pulling me with him. Loosening his grip on me, I attempt to jump out the door. But my timing wasn’t right as the door smacked into my head, everything going black.
I woke up to the deafening sound of a siren. “Let me go!” I scream out. It only took me a second to yell out the words, the sentence was already on the tip of my tongue.
“It’s okay, Kalyn. This’ll only take a moment. Then everything will be over.” In front of me the little boy stands next to a counter. He was placing a long needle in a beaker full of green liquid, bringing it into the tube. I think that’s for me. He probably saw the horrified look on my face when he laughs saying, “I’m being rude, aren’t I? Here I am about to inject a fatal poison into you, and I’m not even showing you my true form. Disrespectful, I’m sorry.” The small body grew many sizes, wider and taller. An elderly man stands before me, giving a mischievous grin. White hair, and simple blue eyes, you wouldn’t think him to be a crazed, psychotic creep. Life’s full of surprises.
“What just happened?” I’m still kind of confused with...everything single thing.
“Well, I’m a shapeshifter, my name is Andrew Conrad. And that little boy he actually also had super speed. Caught in the same storm you did, quite tragic for someone so young. So unworthy to wield the power he’s been given, like you. Unworthy. I’m here to rid unworthy people who has been given powers beyond their capabilities from our world. We don’t want you destroying the place, now do we. That’s why I swiped your memory, so you wouldn’t go off and tell everyone you were struck by lightning and survived, and figure out it gave you speed and cause a ruckus.” He fastened duct tape around my hands, and that’s when I got my opportunity to kick this crazy nut in a rather uncomfortable place.”
He fell to the ground, and I managed to stand up with the chair tied to my arms. I spun in a circle, knocking the liquid to the floor. Sitting down for a rest, I really wish I could wipe the sweat off my forehead. Walking around with a chair is harder than it may seem, and I would’ve seemed it to be hard.
Andrew lifted himself up, looking down at the spilled poison with despite. “Well, that was uncalled for. Your demise will only be stalled for a little while, so there really was no point.”
“How come I’m not worthy if you never give me a chance to prove my worth? I did save your life, maybe, right? What does it take to be worthy?”
“You don’t gain worth for the hold these powers. You have to be born with it. Like me, I was born a shapeshifter. I was called to have this power. You were just a mistake, caught at the wrong place at the wrong time.” He seemed totally convinced that what he was saying is true. Maybe I was called to have powers, and that’s why I was wherever I was at the time I was supposed to be there.
Andrew walked out of the room, giving me a chance to get loose. I stood up again, and looked at the silver, metallic walls. I hobble over, just a few feet from the wall. I held my ground, and once again used my speed to slam against the surface, breaking the chair into wooden pieces. I laughed, “Yes, it worked!” Smiling at my handy work. Though I still had the chair’s arms stuck to my wrists, baby steps. He entered the room more agitated than ever. “You stupid girl! You’re going to die eventually. You won’t be able to leave here.”
“You are right about one of those things. I will die eventually, but not today. I will leave here, as you were wrong about.” I ran to the duct tape and raced around him, moving in a circle many times. I finished and it looks like Andrew Conrad is having trouble balancing, cocooned in tape.
Yet to my surprise he started laughing. “You really are stupid. I hope you didn’t believe that duct tape could hold me.” He continued laughing as he grew to an elephant. But I knew what he was planning, he’s a shapeshifter, and he knows how to use it. I was already with the needle.
“No. I think your the stupid one. I must have been a genius.” I stuck the needle in his massive leg, believing that it wouldn’t kill the ginormous beast, only knock him out for awhile.
And with that, I ran to a place I had important business with.
“Okay, Kalyn Avery. Here is your information.” The officer walked into the waiting area, as he handed me a file of papers, giving me all I need to get back home.
“Thank you, officer, but I don’t need it anymore. That guy must have done something because my memory has been fully restored. Thank the heavens! And again you may find a human, or some animal, most likely a elephant in the location I gave you. You must send whoevers there straight to prison.” I smiled at him warmly, the first smile I’ve given in a while.
“Yes, yes. I understand, thanks very much. And don’t think I didn’t see your little running trick you’ve done.” I let him see my little running trick. Now it’s my turn to make him feel crazy.
“Um, I think you need a new glasses prescription, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Plus I’m sure you’ll be happy to hear that you are no longer the number one person I hate, you’ve been bumped down to second.”
“Well, you’re still up there at top with me. Bye, forever.” He shoved me out the door, leaving me to get myself home. I’m excited, today has been kind of hectic. I’m heading to bed.
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Hi! it's writer12345 here to give a review. Happy Review Day everyone!
) is pretty good too. Good job!!
.
First of all this is amazing! I really liked it. I just started of reading the first chapter to get over my boredom. (and to be honest I wasn't hoping to read the whole thing) And guess what? I read the whole story!!! Your writing style and creative characters kept me from slipping away from the story. The suspense and the excitement you created in the reader was pretty good too.
Your descriptions and dialogue (at some places I laughed like crazy!
The whole Amnesia part and the lightning followed by some sort of a wicked shapeshifter really made this story pretty amazing. And the rude, lazy officer sure made this story pretty interesting.
Another thing that I liked was the Narrator; her thoughts made me crack up.
Now let's move onto the mistakes,
" I rub my eyes, and when my hands moved away from my eyes, I saw a bulletin board. On it was that little boy I just saved. "
Here, rather than saying 'on it was that little boy I just saved' you can explain whether it was a photograph of him.
"I saw the bulletin board; on it was a photo of that little boy I just saved. "
(just a suggestion)
" I open my eyes to hand covering my mouth, withholding my screams for help. "
Maybe it's better if you add, 'to see a' instead of just 'to'.
"I opened my eyes to see a hand covering my mouth..."
Now for the suggestions:
Your descriptions are good, but you can add a bit more.
And you didn't tell the reader what the protagonist looks like. Can you add a bit more about her. (What color is her hair, did she have blue eyes, a round face and so on.)
(just another suggestion)
Overall this is a great story, and I really enjoyed it.
Never stop writing and have a good day!!!
writer12345
(Wow...first review...)
Hi BEWriter, that was incredible, much better than i could have done. I can't wait for the next part(if there is one). However i can point out some minor mistakes like the couple of paragraphs felt a little rushed and it was difficult to grasp what was happening. I recommend taking some more time and adding some more details, but it have the feeling of amnesia pretty well. That's about all i can say so...Good job and keep writing!
Hi! Thanks so much for your review. I have had major writers block and I'm really glad you liked it. And I'm honored that I was your first review. I hope that I'll be seeing some work of yours so I can review. I'll most definitely take your suggestions on the details! Thanks.
- B.E. Writer