A poem dedicated for a mother's love

Hello there! Ayush..
your poem is truly awesome..
we know that we can't explain mother's love in words, even then you did it well..
Hats off to you..
After reading these lines:-A pillar of love,

So tall

A mother,

Lovelier than all
I can feel your love for your mother..
Say happy birthday to her from my side too..
Your poem is perfect in all the senses..

Hello! I've been talking to my mum this morning so I decided this should be the next one for me to review!

Specifics

1. Nice opening lines! The first four flow really well together and they state clearly what the subject of your poem is and start to build the emotions.

2. Since you're rhyming in this poem, I think you shouldn't end two lines with the same word as it feels like you're rhyming all with itself and that looks like you couldn't think of another word. Perhaps you could have 'lovelier than rainfall'?

3. I think you need to have a full stop/ period somewhere as I'm not sure when I'm allowed to take a breath and that makes reading this out loud difficult. Perhaps after the line 'Greater than all'?

4. I'm not sure the 'What's your age?' question is the best choice as that kind of comes out of nowhere. Perhaps instead it should be along the same theme of love, like 'Do you love me?' or 'Am I your favourite?' Something which relates back to the persona.

5.

Kind actions of love never hurt,

So may this poem be an action of my love,

And may the every singing chimes of the wind and I say to you gleefully,

"Happy birthday mother dearest!"

"Happy birthday mother dearest!"

Hello fellow human!

I really want to tell you how I really enjoy how you put so much passion into this piece and it looks like you out a lot of time and effort into it.

I want to mention that the word love it mentioned quite a lot (3 times) I think if you found some other words for love, it would really help make this poem flow better.

Also, "Happy birthday mother dearest!" should be "Happy birthday, mother dearest" or a to in place of the comma.

Anyways, I really liked this poem, and I hope to read more of your pieces.

*Keep Writing*

Hello, sunshine!
I firstly want to let you know how much I admire the amount of passion put into writing this. It looks like you worked hard on it(and maybe you didn't at all!).
The amount of description in this poem is simple but touching.
There are two things that I'd like to point out to you, though.
The first is simply a grammatical error.
"Happy birthday mother dearest!" should be "Happy birthday, mother dearest!"
You're speaking to your mother, so you need a comma.
Or, you can also write,
"Happy birthday to mother dearest!"
That works too!
The second thing I want to point out is your use of vocabulary/diction. You repeat love three times. Now, I recognize that you wanted to take a simpler tone, but I usually advise using specific, connotative terms, rather than simple words(love, hate, eat).
So, perhaps, use words like admiration or adoration (or the verbs of these!)

Have a wonderful day!

Loads 'n' loads of lovely blessings for you Ayush! I want to review but being so touched by the words you carved I can't. I just say Woooooooooowwwwwwww! Speechless otherwise as there is no comparison of a mother and her love. Outstanding piece. Marvelous penning. Magnificently spectacular thoughts. You know I always wish my mother twice as her birthday. Once when she was born and other when I was born ...as that day she became mother .
Great penning. Glad to read your work. Blessings!

Hello, AyushthePoet!!

I am Eros here to review your poem!!

Mother... She is the GREATEST. I liked the theme which you have selected. he theme is simple but the feelings related to it is so much deep. I liked the style in which you have written this poem. I liked the presentation. I like how you have described the emotions so beautifully. This is really a great piece.

I e-specially loved the lines:

"Kind actions of love never hurt,

So may this poem be an action of my love,"

Let me tell you one thing. Well... this has nothing to do with this poem, but... still. I have seen a film in Marathi language, named "Aai" meaning mother. The film was emotional and it displayed how the love for Mother is decresing in the hearts of the youngsters of this generations.

Anyways, back to the point. This poem has the wetness of love for mother. I loved this piece wherin you have described the love in a very different way.
Keep writing!
Never cease...
And, wish you a very Happy Review Day!

Hello, AyushthePoet!!

I am Eros here to review your poem!!

Mother... She is the GREATEST. I liked the theme which you have selected. he theme is simple but the feelings related to it is so much deep. I liked the style in which you have written this poem. I liked the presentation. I like how you have described the emotions so beautifully. This is really a great piece.

I e-specially loved the lines:

"Kind actions of love never hurt,

So may this poem be an action of my love,"

Let me tell you one thing. Well... this has nothing to do with this poem, but... still. I have seen a film in Marathi language, named "Aai" meaning mother. The film was emotional and it displayed how the love for Mother is decresing in the hearts of the youngsters of this generations.

Anyways, back to the point. This poem has the wetness of love for mother. I loved this piece wherin you have described the love in a very different way.
Keep writing!
Never cease...
And, wish you a very Happy Review Day!

Hey Ayush!
this was really beautifull. our mothers- they are always the best they love us no matter what, her love is unconditional. Sure this was good but not the best of your work, but hey thats okay, i still love it, and if you give me permission i'll use this on her birthday card.

" pillar of love,
So tall" the way you open the poem is really good and i must say nice pening over there mate!

" mother,
Lovelier than all
A person,
Greater than all" here the usage of "than all" feels repeated, so i recommend you replace it for something else in either lines.

"or you,
My love is everywhere
What's your age?
I don't care" in these lines you are speaking from a mother's P.O.V but in the rest of the poem you are speaking from your, so i suggest you put it in a different stanza.

"kind actions never hurt,
So may this poem be an action of my love," this sounds really sweet!

'nd may the every singing chimes of the wind and I say to you gleefully,
"Happy birthday mother dearest!"
"Happy birthday mother dearest!"
the in the first line here is unnecessary so i suggest eliminate it.

Anyway, your work is still wonderfull, and thankyou for writing it.

happy review day
Fangirl~

OMG... I was listening to Idiot Wind (Amanda Bergman) Mama you've been on my mind when I was reading this. You did a F*****g great job at portraying the mother. It is the best poem I have read with this style of affection and It wasn't my first so...
You should keep this up it is awesome how you can just do this amazing work of art that really tells how a mother must feel towards their children. The Best of Wishes to you. Have many more days of writing like this.

Greetings,

This was a wonderfully written poem. Obviously that of a child to their mother. It is simple and it is kept short, as things of this nature should be so that the length does not muddle the voice.

I think that there should be a little more punctuation. Like I imagine the last two lines being shouts and in need of exclamation points. When you write, "So may this poem be a action of my love," it should be "an action." Just pointing it out for you.

Describing a mother as a pillar and greater than all is really the definition of what mothers are meant to be to their children. I am reminded of my own mother when I read this and all of the things that she would do for me when I was young, and even now being out on my
own with a wife and children of my own.

When we are young, we never think that anything can hurt or parents. That they are invincible. That they can do absolutely anything, even bring down the moon for us. And when we are older, though we know it was just the naïve thought of a young child, we still believe that they can still do it.

Thank you for sharing and I hope to see more from you in the future.

Happy Writing!

Hi Ayushthepoet, acm here for a review! This was such a cute poem, and I think it had a really good message. So many poems are about romantic love, but we can't forget the love of a mother. There were only a few things that I was wondering.

Why was the whole poem italicized? Was it because the poem was supposed to be a song? Even if it was, then you probably don't need to put it into italics. Maybe this is just me not understanding or something.

What's your age?
I don't care,

"HAPPY birthday mother dearest"
"HAPPY birthday mother dearest"

"Happy birthday, Mother Dearest!"
"Happy birthday, Mother Dearest!"