draft

Very interesting, i read the other ppls comments, and felt i must say something- the "loose ends" well, i think they are actually a plus, they make you want to read more... ill be looking out for the next installment.

peace.

What a prologue, it has certainly sparked my interest. The mistakes seem to have already been pointed out in previous posts, so I wont bore you by goiing over them again.
I can see that previous posts have shown people want you to give more information. That is good, you have got them intrigued. You don't need to worry about giving anymore information yet, I think that what you have there is sufficient enough to give the reader an idea of what is happening.
The amount of description needed depends on how explanatory your prologue is meant to be, so I personally think you don't need to add much more than you have.
I certainly look forward to finding out exactly what it is that makes these souls so dangerous to the balance of this 'paradise'

Nice. It seems like an interesting prologue but you should try to clear a few things up. For one why is such an important job given to a sixteen year old kid. Where did these souls escape from? And just why is it a catastrophe for them to return to their bodies.

Well you'll probably answer those questions later in the story. You should also work a little on the details of your character/surroundings. All I got was he was a dark eyed, grey haired kid, in some kind of office.

But overall it works great as a prologue. It gets you interested and makes you want to read more which is what a prologue is for.

Is Anstra supposed to be God?

And is this church in heaven?

And why wouldnt angels be angels in heaven? If i'm wrong sorry about this post then.

Good luck if you ask me the thought of a mistake in heaven is quite interesting
mostly becuase its something that would never happen but makes you think. Something that always makes a great book!


Good Luck!

Hello, Autumn. A very nice piece of work. I disagree with some of your previous reviews. This is a fine prologue; it isn't supposed to give away the story. And I'm sure you'll tie it all up in the end.

I suppose you could have put in a bit more detail about the room and whatever, but the prologue is supposed to interest the readers into finding out what happens. So this was good.

I'll wait anxiously for your next update...or post... or whatever they are called on this site.

Hello. Very creative, I have to say. However, I felt that it was a bit confusing. I also felt that there were too many loose ends - of course you may be planning on tying them all up in your next addition so I guess I'll just have to wait.

Interesting. What exactly is his mission? What is his purpose in life? *taps fingers impatiently* Will have to read more, I suspect... He's only sixteen? How long has he had this mission?

How exactly did the souls escape? And where are they escaping from? Paradise? Why would they want to escape from Paradise, unless it is not really...

I agree that this could stand a little more description. I got an idea, but I want to be immersed in the world. You don't have to drown the reader in adjectives, but just give them a broad swatch of the world's color.

Why was he angry before the angel came in? What exactly is threatening to taint Paradise?

A lot of questions left unanswered. I suspect they will be answered in the rest of the piece. I look forward to reading more!

~GryphonFledgling

Someone has an anger problem...jeeze. Don't you think you over did it just a little bit with that whole anger bit? Was beyond short-tempered and just plain unrealistic to have Anstra be so violently angry.

You make him out to be older and wiser, but all we see is him venting his anger and doing it rather poorly to. He dominated the scene and that was good, but it went too far and left out description and some character development that could have been done with him being calm and working prior to this incident. Unless he is perpetually angry, even without reason.

Hello!

The mass of papers and books, which crowded the desk, rattled with fear.

It landed silently on the ground, ruffling it’s feathers fearfully.

The angel lifted his head, his shimmering white eyes sparking with steady fear as spoke.

This prologue sparks my intrest (as a prologue should)! Good job. It makes you curious as to what his job EXACTLY is. How do these souls return to their bodies? That would cause trouble EVERYWHERE. ^^

Anways. I only found ONE problem that really stood out to me.

A new emotion sparked through Anstra’s being as his eyes widened with fear. The news was much worse than he had imagined. These souls had escaped; they were free, and that meant that… they would return to their bodies. They immediately posed as a threat to everything he had work towards.