I'm trying to work on my character development. Giving them their own voice, yadda yadda. This is a rough draft. Please review 
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The knife looked tempting. I'd never taken notice of it before, but now, there it was. Shining, glinting...promising. I'll take your emptiness away, it seemed to whisper. It's not like it would hurt that much, right? I needed to feel something. Anything. So shakily, my fingers curled around the handle. It felt like a million pounds in my hand. Nobody was home.
That was what emo's did. They cut themselves. They dressed up retardedly and listened to screamo. I didn't want to be like that. I didn't...mostly. I inhaled fiercely. The knife dropped. Oh no, was I going to die? Had I done it right? Pain shot through my temples and after what seemed like forever, my eyes opened. My stomach heaved at the sight. Three long incisions on the inside of my arm. Gaping, wide and open, blood oozing from them. Then suddenly I began to feel light. I felt joyous. I felt new and I felt...happy. For the first time.
Two days ago, I was sitting in class, fiddling with my pencil and task sheet, thinking about all things random. Timmy was a boy in my class who I kinda liked. I wasn't sure if he liked me though, apparently he was going out with the head cheerleader, Mia. She was blonde, tall and everything I wasn't. I sighed and began to think of my best friend, Terese. She wasn't in school today. At first I'd been pissed off that she wasn't coming. I mean, she was sort of the only friend I had here at Elks High. Then I had just become bored. I had nobody to laugh with, or sneak notes to about how the teacher, Mr Freek, was smuggling drugs to the stoners of the class. It was so unbelievably boring having nobody to talk to, and only being able to listen to people's conversations about the "party on Sunday" and how "Johno was a hottie" and all this random crap. We were meant to be doing Philosophy, but everyone was talking amongst themselves about things that were completely irrelevant. Well, okay, I wasn't on task either, but still.
A few hours before that class, me and Terese had been walking past the old building. The old building wasn't used anymore at Elks High, for schooling matters, that was. There was a group of about sixteen that hung there every lunch time, and sometimes me and Terese would go past on our own journeys around the school campus. Anyways, the sixteen were the emos. There was about nine guys and seven chicks. They all dressed in skull skirts and tight grey skinnies. Checkered, red wristbands were on all of them. "They're like a cult," Terese would whisper. I'd laugh and nod. It was oh so true.
"Stupid retards," I agreed. Emo's cut themselves, didn't they? And what for? Only losers cut. That was my belief, and had been, for almost all my life. Until now.
"Aleysha?" Mr. Cowen's voice pierced through the class chatters. I looked up. Mr. Cowen, the school counsellor, was standing there, a worried expression on his face.
"Yeah?" I asked. Mr. Cowen's and Mr. Freek exchanged a glance. I regarded this strangely.
"Can you come with me, please?" Uhh...no.
"Sure...hold on," I packed up my things slowly, trying to pretend I wasn't just about to head off with the counsellor. I wasn't a weirdo. I didn't need help. So why did Mr. Cowen want me? After a few seconds, I'd packed away my things and shrugged my bag on. I tried to leave inconspicuously, but Mr. Cowen must have suddenly analysed that as insecurity.
"Goodbye, James," He announced a little too loudly towards Mr. Freek, collecting attention from a few of the kids. My cheeks warmed and I tried to skid out of the class.
"So, what's up?" I asked cautiously, relaxing onto a huge, red chair. I was in Mr. Cowen's office, and he was sitting stiffly, one leg crossed over the other, on his small, office chair.
"Aleysha. I'm sorry this might be rather alarming for you to here. I've called you in today in regard of your friend, I believe, Miss. Doutly?" My heart paused for a second, as if to say, hold up, girl, whaat?
"Terese...yeah. What about her?" I asked, trying to keep a calm composure. I had assumed she was just really sick or whatever, she hardly ever missed school for anything. I remember last year, we had our Science Fair, and even though Terese had just moved houses and everything, she was there. Ready to present. With her project all organized and stuff.
"Well, Aleysha...I'm really not sure how to say this," He continued. A hot feeling swept through me.
"Just say it then," I snarled. I was anxious and he was frightening me. Defences were up.
"Terese is...well. Terese is dead, Aleysha,"
"What? No. She's not," I said, shaking my head. No. No way. She wasn't. He was lying. This was a sick, sick joke. Of course, why hadn't I seen it? Mr. Freek never particularly liked me, so of course he had been planning it with Mr. Cowen. It was sick. How could he? Not something this awful.
"Yes. I'm sorry, Aleysha, I really am. Your parents have called, and they've arranged to pick you up if you want. Miss Doutly's parents told your parents this morning. Terese killed herself last night."
I wasn't quite sure where my head was at that moment. I think I might've laughed crazily, or slapped my thigh and "Oh, what a jokester,"'d him. But I can't really remember. I went home that very moment. My parent's came and they took me home. I think they talked to me. They apologized, or something. I don't remember any of it. So apparently Terese had killed herself. Her parents, Joe and Merideth, had explained she'd been awfully quiet during their dinner, which was unusual. Then she'd excused herself and got up to leave the room. Her plate untouched. Just before she'd left, she'd turned and said, solemn faced, "Bye. I love you guys. Always." They heard the bath turn on upstairs, and assumed she'd just had a rough day. "It's nothing," They'd reassured each other. About an hour later, Merideth began to worry. There were no sounds coming from the bathroom, not even a splash. When Terese wouldn't answer, Merideth got Joe to knock the door down. Terese was face down, leaning into the bath. Unmoving. They both ran forward, pulling Terese away. Her eyes were puffy and her lips chapped. The ambulance came, but they couldn't revive her. Her heart had given up.
The lightness in my head began to fade, pulling away my memories. The matter was, Terese was gone. And I didn't even know why. Nobody knew why. She was beautiful, intelligent and my best friend. Her parents loved her, she had cool clothes, and she even had a great boyfriend, Seth. Why. Why. Why. I pulled myself up from the floor, clutching onto the bathroom sink. I looked into the mirror and saw dead, dark eyes staring back into me. Aleysha had died with Terese that day, I like to think. I'll never be the same, and I know that. I'll never forget her. The knife woke me from my trance, as it clattered to the floor, blood jumping off of it. Hurriedly, I flicked the tap on and the water met with my blood, washing it off and staining the pure white sink below. It stung badly. My head still hurt, and I turned off the tap and stumbled out of the bathroom. I moved absently towards my bedroom, and found myself plonked onto my bed. Warm tears flooded down from my eyes. Kicking out the emotion. I sniffled and soon I was sobbing, then crying, then screaming.
I don't know how long I lay there for. But when I got up, it was darkening outside, and the first stars began to make their appearance. I wiped my nose and sniffled again. Look under your drawer, a voice in my head spoke. I fell to my knees and stuck my hand under the drawer beside my bed. What was I doing? I patted around, my mind content on finding something. It's a letter, the voice spoke again. This time I knew the voice. It was Terese's. It was soft, but commanding. I almost fell apart again. Oh great, I was imagining voices now! Worst of, my dead best friend's voice. I was crazy. I was gone. A shock ran through me as my hand connected with something. I dragged it out, and winced as my arm bent over the still-open wounds in my arm. Never mind that, though. It was a note. A letter. You found it, read it please. I shuffled back onto my bum, and rested my back against my bed. Carefully, I folded open the letter. Hot tears streamed down my face once more as the words filled my ears.
Dear Leesh,
I'm sorry. I bet you must have been weirded out when Mr. Cowen came to collect you, right? He's a bit crazy, I think. I reckon he must've been all dramatic when he told you. I should've been there to watch his expressions...oh, wait. Sorry. I mean, right! You must be wondering why this is under your drawer, right? Well, remember that night I came over to stay? You were in the shower, and I found some paper and decided to put it somewhere you wouldn't look until it was... time. I'm glad you didn't find it until after my death, well, I hope you didn't. Or else you would've stopped me.
I don't know if you're even reading this now, though. But if you are, please don't cry. I made a decision to end my life. And yeah, I know, why? Well, it's a lot of things, really...for starters. You know the emo group? The creepers. Well...one of them used to be my best friend back in middle school. Salina, her name was. Then she got raped, and she zoned everything out. Even me. She never talked to me again, after everything we'd been through, and everything I'd done for her. I got depression after that. I had it all the way through junior school, as well. Then I started cutting myself. You never wondered why I wore long sleeves? Silly. It's like ninety degrees where we live, of course I wasn't "just cold."
But please, don't blame yourself. Some people just aren't cut out for this world, you know? And I'm so sorry I've left you. I wanted to tell you, I really did. I just know you're going to be great in life, more so than I would have ever been. You're beautiful and smart, and my best friend. Always and forever. Also, Leesh, I'm adopted. Joe and Merideth aren't really my parents. They took me in when I was about six. My mother abandoned me, because she was too young. Like, seventeen or something. I still remember the moment she left me. But whatever, it's over now. Please be strong for me, and hang in there.
You know, Timmy doesn't go out with Mia anymore? He's liked you the whole time. He said he was going to ask you out when the time was right, but I guess, I sort of messed that up. So go up to him and say hi, he'll be stoked. I'm up in heaven now, well, I hope I am. I'll be singing angel songs and watching down on you. There's heaps of ice cream up here...anyway. I want you to know, you're the coolest. I don't regret what I've done. I hope you won't hate me for what I've done, either. It was going to happen, one way or another. So this is the end of my note, you're coming out of the shower soon. So I'll tuck it up all nice and neat, and slide it in under the drawer.
Kisses,
Terese.
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