Chapter 2
Find Me
Summer was standing in the middle of the school hallway getting her books out from her locker. Her best friend, Aurora, was leaning against the locker next to Summers. The white walls of the hallways were lined with the same dull blue lockers.
“Hey Aurora, where were you and Jayden during Maths?” Summer asked.
“Oh I hurt myself in sport so he took me to the nurse…she gave me an icepack. I swear that’s the only medical training she has!” Aurora laughed, her green eyes lighting up. Summer smiled her big beautiful smile. She mindlessly started twisting a lock of her long, golden-brown hair, which was currently tied in a ponytail.
“Don’t be a hater Aurora.” She laughed.
“I’m just being honest.” Aurora said holding her hands up in a mocking sign of surrender.
Ding! Went Summer’s phone, she looked down at the screen. It was a text from Aurora. It said find me. Summer looked up at Aurora.
“Ha. ha. ha. Soooo funny.” Summer said sarcastically. She held up the phone. Aurora looked at it confused.
“I didn’t write that.” She said frowning. Summer’s phone dinged again. This time it was from Jayden who was just across the hall. It too said find me. So Summer walked up to him and put the phone up to his face.
“Um, Summer I can’t see it, can you move the smartphone?” He said.
“My bad, sorry, wait did you say smartphone?” Who says smartphone? Summer thought.
“Um ya?” He said his hazel eyes glancing at the screen. “I didn’t write that, see no phone." He said turning his pockets inside out to show her they were empty. Summer frowned and messaged Aurora back haha not funny, she pressed send. A new message appeared it said, They found us. Get help. Trust no one. Summer clicked her phone off and slid it into her pocket. Ya, that’s hilarious. she thought. Her friends were right in front of her.
Their phones weren’t out. They weren’t on them.
How could they have sent those messages if they weren’t even on their phones? This is weird. She thought as she walked to class.
As the day went on her friends started acting weirder and weirder. Aurora and Jayden kept making excuses to go talk privately. They were always laughing and whispering together, most of the time it was like Summer didn’t exist.
Jayden was trash at lying.
Aurora didn’t gossip.
So what on earth were they talking about?!
Something was up, maybe they didn’t like her anymore, but what had she done to make her friends, who she had known for 4 years, mad?! Sure Jayden and Aurora had known each other for way longer, they’d been friends since they were born. But that had never made a difference before. They would always include Summer.
Always.
Why stop now?
This was the third day and they were still acting like jerks. So Summer decided to give them the silent treatment.
“Summer, are you mad at us or something?” Aurora asked after Summer hadn’t said a single word the whole lunch. They were walking to their lockers to get their things for the next class. Summer said nothing, she didn’t even look at Aurora.
“Come on Summer this isn’t cool, what’s wrong?!” Jayden pleaded. Summer stormed over to her locker. Aurora and Jayden looked at each other. Half confused, half worried. They walked over to their lockers on the other end of the hall. They thought Summer wouldn't be able to hear them, but she did. She heard it all.
“Do you think she suspects anything?” Jayden asked.
“I don’t know, she’s not very smart so probably not. But then again why would she be mad?” Aurora said glancing over at Summer. Summer pretended to not be listening, digging through her lock. Not very smart?! Thought Summer.
“I have no idea. But you saw those texts, if she doesn’t suspect something now then she will soon. We can’t keep this up forever!” Jayden replied. He ran a hand through his floppy brown hair.
“Well, at least the parents don’t suspect anything. What if she finds out!? Boss will kill us…literally!”
“Okay, then we need to work harder.” Jayden said. Aurora nodded in agreement.
“She can never know where they are. She can never know who we are.”
Summer froze, her hand hovering above her book in her locker.
Those were not her friends.
End of chapter
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139,884 Literary Works • 672,718 Reviews
Thank you both for the reviews. I do know that I haven’t described the characters very much so far. I think that’s one of the hardest parts of a story, because the characters are super important. You want the reader to get the right vibe from the characters. You want the reader to understand them, see them and know them as well as you do! I’m not sure if this will end up being a bad idea but, I think I might develop the characters a little slower than all in one chapter. Just like in real life, when you meet someone you aren’t going to know everything about them as soon as you look at them. You have to get to know them and then you’ll see them for who they are! I will be sure to fix those sentences! Thank you so much!
sorry this was my account on my phone that must have not changed. oops
Heyyyyyy! @ForeverYoung299(this is how to tag a person) here for a review!!!
This is a great improvement. This chapter was a lot better than the first chapter, I think. A lot of things happening there and obviously many questions answered. I really like it. These people are fake, purely fake and I didn't get it until the end when you revealed it. So, good twist there.
I really like the name summer. Adds some feeling to the story. Um... I wonder if there is any backstory behind it. There is some, maybe. Seems quite interesting.
Something which you should work on is the descriptions of both the characters and also setting. At the point, none of these seems to be clear. The reader can not imagine where all is happening. The only clear thing we can know about the setting is the locker. Other than that, te story seems to take place in a white background and also the character don't seem to be very fleshed out. Just imagine two hands taking out books out of a locker and how weird and funny it will look like they have got invisible cloaks. That can be a good suit when they have it but not here. Frab some templates and make the characters. Without them, the story is nothing. Now, don't write a whole paragraph regarding all the details of a character. If you do so, the reader will forget everything and that will be of little help. What you can do is just put little bit of details here and there. Like you can describe the hands of Summer when she is taking books out of her locker. It also gives you an opportunity to describe Summer's height. If Summer is short-height, then you can describe how Summer struggles to get her things out. Seems like I have given a long lecture 😅. Hope it makes any sense.
Now, if I am not wrong, Aurora is kidnapped somehow along with Jayden and these people are acting as them. Seems suspicious. What's their motive and what do they want out of them? Above all, who are they? Also, who is sending the messages? Are they real Aurora and Jayden? Sets a lot of questions. Maybe I will get the answers in the next chapter. I am really excited to see what happens next.
That's it for now. Tag me in the next chapter.
Keep Writing!
~Forever
Hey Aurora!
RandomTalks here with a review!
If you don't mind my saying so, you have improved so much since the first chapter. When I started reading this story, I wasn't really sure what this could lead to. But this chapter was so much more well developed and concrete than the previous one. You seem to have a clear idea about where you are going with this, and you are marching towards it.
This was a really interesting chapter. We got introduced to a new character here, but like I said, I think you should build your characters a little more. Let us really know them, understand them. We know what Summer looks like, how long she has been friends with Jayden and Aurora, but we still don't know her as a person. For example, you could have explored her insecurity when she found the two of them pulling away from her and huddling together. There are so many spots for you to develop your characters, and since it's only the second chapter, I am really interested to see how you do that!
I also think you could do with a little more descriptions. Maybe describe the school hallway or something. But don't make it monotonous. I kind of like how fast paced this story is. You get straight to the point and don't waste unnecessary words. I think that is something to appreciate.
I am really curios about the plot now. It is clear that the Jayden and Aurora with Summer right now are imposters, and the real them are in trouble. There is one point though. From what I remember in the last chapter, when the flash of light appeared, Aurora was the only one who vanished. I actually reread the first chapter and that is how it went. But in this chapter it seems like Jayden is gone too. How and when did that happen? Maybe you could clarify that?
Plot wise this was a great chapter. You have raised several questions here. Where exactly are Aurora and Jayden? Who finally found them? What is Summer going to do now?
This story is going to get so much more interesting!
A few points I noticed:
I feel like the 'in' in this sentence does not really fit in. You could replace it with 'during' and rewrite it as, "where were you and Jayden 'during' Maths?” That sounds more proper.
This one feels like two sentences that run together as one. Maybe put a full stop after 'Aurora' and write the next part in a new sentence.
The same goes for this sentence. Even though the sentence is not too long in itself, it needs to broken up in parts otherwise it just runs together and disrupts the flow you have created. There are three sentences here that you have put together in one. I would suggest breaking them up in the following manner:
"Summer’s phone dinged again. This time it was from Jayden who was just across the hall. It too said find me."
Similarly you need to break the sentences here too:
"Something was up. Maybe they didn’t like her anymore. But what had she done to make her friends, who she had known for 4 years, mad?!"
Run on sentences are a problem almost every writer faces, but you start to recognize them after a while when you read and reread your works.
One last suggestion. Whenever someone is thinking something, put it in italics. It separates their thoughts from the mainstream text, and it also retains the flow.
This was a really great chapter. I can't wait to read the next!
Keep writing and have a great day!