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by Ashley602338

There are people watching me, there are people whispering and screamingly, there are people touching me, grabbing me and I’m scared.

Every scream, every touch, causes me to scream, to cry, to cower.  I scream until I can scream no more, and I cower in the corner chained to the cruel stone wall of my fear. The walls from which the voices emerge from. The walls in which I am captive.

“Do not fear” they say but I do for I have no life without these voices and no seeing eyes without these shadows. I have no feeling without the touch of those who are not here, who are not there, and who are not anywhere. I cannot take a single breath without these things, these vile hallucinations. For they are me and I, I am them. And that scares me more than anything. 

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31 Reviews

Points: 48
Reviews: 31

Thu Jan 25, 2018 3:20 am
DeathBecomesHer wrote a review...

Hello! first of all id like to say that I really really really like this. I love the ominous feeling it gives and as someone who loves horror, I can truly appreciate that feeling of unease. Your imagery is amazing and truly horrific. But there are a few things I would suggest, you to try. when I write a poetry piece, I use quite a bit of spacing so it increases the feeling of unease. for example, every comma in "Every scream, every touch, causes me to scream, to cry, to cower." you would space it as a new paragraph. it might not be for you but i encourage you to try it! keep writing my dude

Ashley602338 says...

This was more like a short story of sorts but I get what your saying and I%u2019ll take that into account when I write my next poem.

Now I%u2019ve got to go and find some happy rainbows (not those grupmy ones).

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48 Reviews

Points: 174
Reviews: 48

Wed Jan 24, 2018 7:57 pm
CocoaCat wrote a review...

Hey there, Ashley602338, CocoaCat here with a short review!
I'm going to start off with grammar and placing issues (which there are very few of).
At the beginning of each new paragraph there is almost always a space before the words. It is normally two spaces, I believe. I understand that this could have just been a choice that fit with what you wanted to relay through this piece.
In the second paragraph...

"And I scream until I can scream no more,and I cower in the corner chained to the cruel stone wall of my fear."

...there should be a space after the comma.
Just giving my suggestions, though this piece is pretty good already. With just a few more tweaks, it could reach it's peak potential.
That's all for me, keep writing! :)

Ashley602338 says...

Thanks for the review, I see where my mistakes were and im fixing them. This is just a rough draft (I hope).

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841 Reviews

Points: 664
Reviews: 841

Wed Jan 24, 2018 5:43 pm
Radrook wrote a review...

Thanks for sharing this poem about perceptions that harass the perceiver until life becomes a living nightmare. It is written in a very effective and dramatic way that made me feel the urgency of the speaker's situation as well as his need to resign himself to what he perceives as his inevitable fate, a life assaled by hallucinations.

Such hallucinations can be not just visual but also auditory but can involve all the senses. As a reader I could not help but think about the medicinal treatments that have succeeded in stopping such seemingly unstoppable hallucinations which can be caused by chemical imbalances of the brain induced by heredity or disease.

What are Hallucinations?

The patient takes the medication and the hallucinations are gone. The patient stops taking the medicine and he starts hallucinating once more. So that is a solution that should be tried.

However, if indeed these things are paranormal in nature, then the only way to deal with them is to go to the creator for help in prayer. The point is not to throw up our hands and accept them as normal because they are not.

Punctuation suggestions

There are people watching me. There are people whispering and screamingly. There are people touching me, grabbing me, and I’m scared.

"Do not fear,"

Economy of Expression:

The walls from which the voices [come from.]
[emanate, emerge, surge, flow,]

Ashley602338 says...

Thanks for the review! I wanted to write a %u201Cshort story%u201D on the feeling one gets when they hallucination and how they believe that they can%u2019t live without these hallucinations because it%u2019s them. Their soul, their body and their minds.

Radrook says...

Ah! So it is just the use of a persona? Sorry about the misunderstanding.

Ashley602338 says...

No problem. :)

He who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how.
— Friedrich Nietzsche