For reasons untold she came into my life,
Fear not my lover for my touch is a lover's delight,
I don't care for you color nor for your will's might,
as i take whatever fate puts in my sight.
Ohh her ways were the best,
Souls were her crop,
The babies she dropped ,
The Fathers she robbed
the head's she chopped
it was truly love at first sight,
I wish that she would take me,
She said its not my time,
Don't do this to me please im ready to leave,
Wait my lover for this is not over i will be back,
For now just stay alive.
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140,320 Literary Works • 673,091 Reviews
Hey! This poem kinda confusing when reading it. I must say it has a nice flow and the rhyming pattern was good until the end. Now for a few details you might have missed during editing. In the 3rd line the 5th word is you but should be your. The next one is the 9th line and the 2nd word is head's but should be heads. If I was reading it right I kinda assumed that death was the writer's interest? I don't know for sure. I thought maybe it was a human, but the title is misleading. It doesn't make that much sense to me and I thought you could have stuck through with your rhyming pattern. But this is a good topic to expand and write more so....Keep writing <3
Sarah24
Hello, AsherIsAnon! Gxldencrxwns here for a review.
I have reviewed one of your other pieces of writing in the past, and I must say this one is much better. It's smooth, the rhymes go together well, and there were few mistakes.
Hang on, let's go back a couple steps. The rhyming. Now I had a problem with this. In some places, the rhyming was nice and smooth, while in some places it didn't rhyme at all. I'd suggest making it all rhyme, or make it all free verse to keep it consistent.
Now as for the actual poem itself, I liked it a lot. I like the theme behind it, the main character fell for a girl who murders people. Cliche, but I like it. However, I have one complaint. In the line:
"I don't care for you color nor for your will's might,"
The word you before color should be your. Spelling mistake, don't worry, I know all about those.
I also feel the title sort of wraps the whole poem together. It was very appropriate, and it sort of fits very easily. Like peanut butter and jelly. But one thing: Make sure the beginning letter of each new word is capitalized. The three words in the title are important words, so they need to be capitalized.
That's all for this review. Good luck, and keep writing!
~gxldencrxwns
Minor mistake in the third line, instead of 'you color'. It should be 'your color'
I liked this poem, its different.
Hello,
First and foremost this title was absolutely captivating and had me hooked right away. The work of the poem was well made, with the rhythm of the poem being steady and consistent it was easy to follow. "Souls were her crop" was possibly my favourite line that you incorporated into this piece just from personal opinion. However towards the end of the poem "oh her ways were the best" it keeps going with no breaks so as a touch i suggest including another area with a period just to add that intended breath to keep the reader going.
However overall this was a well written piece that moved well. Impressive work, keep it up.
Hello,
First and foremost this title was absolutely captivating and had me hooked right away. The work of the poem was well made, with the rhythm of the poem being steady and consistent it was easy to follow. "Souls were her crop" was possibly my favourite line that you incorporated into this piece just from personal opinion. However towards the end of the poem "oh her ways were the best" it keeps going with no breaks so as a touch i suggest including another area with a period just to add that intended breath to keep the reader going.
However overall this was a well written piece that moved well. Impressive work, keep it up.
Hi ! Just dropped in for a review.
The title of your poem "Death my darling" is an appropriate one. You wrote the poem well and were able to express your views well. If I'm not mistaken, the loss of a beloved person and its emotional effects is a metaphor of death, right ?
Although English is not my mother language, I guess there were some grammatical errors in this poem. Anyways, your impeccable writing skills cover up those mistakes.
The line "She said its not my time," was very quaint and personified the love and concern which true lovers possess. It symbolizes selfless love. I also found these lines very amazing:
"Wait my lover for this is not over i will be back,
For now just stay alive."
They show the limitless resortative and healing abilities of eternal love, in which the heart is able to fight back and hold on even in the darkest hours, just for the sake of the beloved one.
Overlooking a few grammar errors, you wrote a very beautiful and captivating poem with a lot of charming details. You are a marvellous artist. Keep up the good work !