Please don't judge me ever, I just want some fun
And the name is Chad, don't like to cause a fuss
Your purges go against me
I still believe in the fact
You've got a power struggle
No need to act like a twat
So you have hit the jackpot
I know that, no need to preach
Oh, when you always blame me
I wish we were out of reach
I am a person, I am a person
No need to bitch about that
What remains is the fact that
The name is Chad, the name is Chad
I'll never change for your cause
Don't call me something I'm not
I know who I am clearly
I do not need your input
I don't see eye to eye much
It's coz I do my own thing
No need to force me at all
Because of the pain it brings
I am a person, I am a person
No need to bitch about that
What remains is the fact that
The name is Chad, the name is Chad
I am a person, I am a person
Not that I'm paranoid at all
You say I am a bastard
Just for keeping to myself
I don't wish to talk right now
Talking only harms my health
I am a person, I am a person
No need to bitch about that
What remains is the fact that
The name is Chad, the name is Chad
I shall not change for you
Or anyone in sight
Hello.
So this is basically about rebellion.
From the perspective of this guy:
Who seems very preoccupied about being recognised by his name for some reason. I think we got it. XD
You have a cross over between writing styles here, to the degree that it makes it appear as though one person has written the first line of this stanza and someone else the second. It's nice to have a certain level of variety, but not when it makes the work look THAT separate, because it doesn't make sense and it's confusing for the reader. Be careful with that.
On the whole, I actually found this work quite boring. It was just basically a rant. I prefe it when your works are more developed.
♥
Hi, AJ!
This was a pretty good song here. There were really good moments and some iffy moments, but overall, it was well-written!
This was probably my favorite part. It flowed so smoothly and made its statement. It makes for a very catchy chorus, and a good chorus at that.
The rest of the song also was pretty good. There were clunky verses though. You have [slant] rhymes sometimes, but other times, you decide not to use them. The consistency always seems to be off, and that could hurt your piece more than help it. It has to sound as pleasant as it is to read. (Or, well, you hopefully get what I mean. xD) For example:
This has a slant rhyme that's pretty awesome. (The last line feels a bit wordy and disrupts the flow, but it might sound better when sung. Food for thought!)
Then there's this stanza earlier on that doesn't have a slant rhyme at all. It stands out weirdly from the rest. The consistency is messed with. Additionally, I didn't care much for paying attention to this one because it just felt weird. If that makes any sense?
Also, I think a small warning regarding the language would have been helpful for younger viewers since it does have some of that!
But I didn't have much to point out in this one. I think the song itself is pretty good. Quite simple, but for these songs, simplicity works just fine.
Keep writing!
Jabber, the One and Only!
Hey, AJ! Thanks for the review on my poem. I'll try my best to give you a helpful review.
First of all, I like the feel of this piece. I like the "I'm gonna be me, and there's no way you can change that" message, too. I'm not sure how you intended this to sound exactly, but it kind of runs like a rap in my head.
Now, I've got an issue with the rhymes here. I know you're British and I'm Canadian, so accent might make a difference, but I found some of the places where it should have rhymed, it almost did. For example, "not" and "input." An almost-rhyme, if you ask me, is worse than no rhyme. That really interupted the flow for me.
Ok, let's take a look at that chorus:
"I am a person, I am a person
No need to bitch about that
What remains is the fact that
The name is Chad, the name is Chad"
Hm. I see a lot of repetition here. Not that repetition is a problem! The repetition in the first and last lines here helps make your point. But, you've got "that" at the end of two lines in a row. If I were you, I'd look into changing at least one of them.
Just a little thing, "It's coz I do my own thing" - "coz" isn't technically a word.
Over all, I liked it! My favourite verse is,
"You say I am a bastard
Just for keeping to myself
I don't wish to talk right now
Talking only harms my health"
Write on, and God bless!
~DragonGirl11
I liked this a lot, I don't know about the flow. But I definitely admire that you stand up for yourself. I would really like to hear this in song, maybe i could actually feel the emotion in it.
"I'll never change for your cause
Don't call me something I'm not
I know who I am clearly
I do not need your input"
"So you have hit the jackpot
I know that, no need to preach
Oh, when you always blame me
I wish we were out of reach"
Those right there, i could feel your anger and the reader can definitely relate. So you hit a lot of strong points, these lyrics are so real. I think that right there compliments who you are as a person, because the more honest the better the story. Keep at it though, great potential.
Okay, i like that your confident in this poem. You don't care who see's you are gonna be Chad and never gonna change for nobody and nothing. I love that.
Also i Love that you acting as if the person your writing to is standing right in front of you. You stand up for yourself.
You seem that you have been hurt and this is the letter telling them to fuck off.
I love that you same " I am a person ".
Your saying to me that Im a person and human what more do you want from me. i love that!
Keep Writing !
It is good but just to clarify did you forget to punctuate or is that just your style of writing because the poem is awesome but I was curious